Superstars and Divas pick Survivor Series dream teams: 2015 edition
You’ve just been selected to captain a Survivor Series team. Congratulations. So … now what? Who will you pick? Given the entire length and breadth of WWE Superstars past, present and future, whom would you pluck from their respective eras to join you as part of an unstoppable squad to do battle in one of WWE’s most lionized institutions?
Happily, most of us in the WWE Universe will never face such pressure, but the Superstars and Divas might. Therefore, WWE.com put 10 competitors in the hot seat to find out who they’d pick and why, presented by Rolaids, Kick Acid!
Surprisingly, Flash Funk’s name came up. Unsurprisingly, Papa Shango’s did, too.
Shockingly, Kevin Owens did not pick himself four times to be his teammates. However, the guys he did pick might be even scarier when combined.
“‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin, because he’s probably the most popular Superstar in the history of WWE, and he was one of my favorite wrestlers,” Owens began. (Not to mention, Austin's a fan.) HBK is next, “because he’s the reason I wanted to wrestle in the first place.” Owen Hart, namesake of K.O.’s young son, joins the squad and British Bulldog rounds it out for one oddly sentimental reason: “[He] was actually my favorite wrestler when I first saw a WWE show. He was in the first match,” Owens explained. “About two hours later, Shawn Michaels took that spot, but I always liked British Bulldog.”
True to form, The Lass Kicker’s Survivor Series team is as eccentric as the Diva herself. She even picked one extra teammate.
“I got Tiger Mask, Dynamite Kid, Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts, Dean Malenko and Mick Foley,” said Becky. Apart from Foley, who got her “reinvested” in sports-entertainment, personal favorites Tiger Mask, Dynamite and Malenko are must-haves, the last name in particular. “Technician. Unbelievable. Man of 1,000 Holds; I am The Woman of 1,000 Armbars. Potato, po-tah-to,” she went on.
As for “The Snake”? To borrow another guy’s nickname, it’s because he’s the total package. “The way he talks, the way he moves, the snake. Everything about Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts I used to love when I was a kid, and I still love him.”
Is the Power of Positivity strong with Xavier Woods’ team? You better believe it.
“I would pick The New Day because those are my team, those are my boys, those are my brothers,” said Woods in a light-speed interview with WWE.com. Papa Shango would be next, rounded out by ... Flash Funk?
“He’s my inspiration,” Woods explained. “He’s the first guy I ever saw who could go out and dance, and be entertaining and also get it done in the ring. I’ve been trying to do that for, what, 11 years? I feel like I’m kind getting the hang of it. That would be my team and we would clean. House.” And with that, Woods disappeared in a puff of unicorn magic and the booming note of a trombone.
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Getting picked to roll with The Boss is as exclusive an honor as it gets. So exclusive, in fact, that Sasha Banks has restricted her Survivor Series dream team to all Diva members. And not wilting flower Divas, either. Tough Divas who could give most men a run for their money. How else to describe Jazz, of whom Banks admits, “I wouldn’t wanna mess with her”? Or technical queen Molly Holly, one of Sasha’s favorites as a kid? Or Sasha’s fellow WWE Iron Woman, Bayley? “She beat me, so I know how good she is,” Banks admitted.
The fifth member is a bit of a wild card, not that she should be written off: “[ Peyton Royce] is a newcomer at NXT. She’s really good and [I want] to give her an opportunity to show the world that she’s here and she’s awesome.” Hey, once upon a time, that was Sasha, too. Game recognizes game.
Bubba Ray Dudley
If you tried to fight Bubba Ray’s dream teamina dream, you’d wake up and apologize. They’re that scary. In addition to D-Von rounding out “the most successful and decorated tag team in the history of professional wrestling,” Bubba has conscripted the team he believes to be the G.O.A.T.s of tandem grappling, The Road Warriors. “[That] would be the ultimate team that has ever existed.”
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You may have noticed that Bubba’s one short of a full Survivor Series deck. He’s aware. He’s not concerned. “Only need four, brother.”
Unsurprisingly, the Dudley mutual admiration society is strong, because D-Von has drafted Bubba into his team, too. Apart from that, D-Von’s squad has some serious dark horse potential: He has nabbed two Survivor Series victors from Team Cena in Ryback (“Big man, The Big Guy, just a man who’s a powerhouse.”) and the sole survivor of 2014, Dolph Ziggler (“He never quits, he never dies, and if I’m not mistaken, against The Authority he actually held his own.”)
It’s D-Von’s final pick, however, that’ll really melt the hearts of Dudleyville enthusiasts: Spike Dudley. “Listen, the man fought against every single odd and conquered it,” he explained. “As far as I’m concerned … Spike would be the last one [standing].”
If you’re going to be on Prince Pretty’s team, you’ve got to be pretty — or at least useful. And you’ve got to play ball. So, throwing Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart together on his Survivor Series team? Deal with it.
“I know that Bret and Shawn might not get along on this team, but they would have to, since it’s my special team,” huffed Breeze. Giant Gonzales brings the muscle, and Duke “The Dumpster” Droese rounds out Tyler’s posse because, well, “when Survivor Series rolls around, we’re going to want to take the trash out, and I think he can help out with that.”
But wait, isn’t Droese the antithesis of “pretty”? Wouldn’t that ruin the ensemble? “First of all, I’d have to know what ‘antithesis’ means. But, seeing as how I don’t … I’m going to go with no.”
Want to roll with the Divas Champion? You’ve got to be part of the family. So “Submission specialist” and BFF Becky Lynch is in, and so is “generation sister” Natalya. “She understands me,” said Charlotte. “We’re cut from the same cloth, and I think she’s one of the best that’s ever come out of WWE.”
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Tyler Breeze reps the Y chromosome club, not only thanks to his work in NXT, but because Charlotte considers him “the modern-day Shawn Michaels.” Speaking of whom, HBK proper closes out the club for one reason, and one reason alone: “He was good enough to retire my dad.” Fair enough, champ.
Get your cell phones out for Kalisto’s squad, a hybrid team he has dubbed “The Lucha Team,” and that may just be the most insanely stacked Survivor Series roster in history, hypothetical or otherwise. As if having Kurt Angle, a friggin’ Gold Medalist, wasn’t enough, The King of Flight has recruited Tazz to “suplex you out of nowhere.”
The inclusion of “heroes” Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio is both a testament to their talent and their importance to the former NXT Tag Team Champion: “They’re both of my heritage, they’re both Mexicanos,” he said. “And I gotta say, with me as the captain, we’d be unstoppable.” No argument here, hermano.
For The Man That Gravity Forgot, a dream Survivor Series team is a literal opportunity to compete alongside the Superstars who helped him achieve his dreams. “These are people that are simply role models to me, or people that have very much influenced my style in the ring,” explained the former NXT Champion on why he picked cruiserweight revolutionaries Dynamite Kid and Tiger Mask.
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Alongside them would stand Eddie Guerrero (“One of my all-time favorite performers and, all around, probably the best of all time.”) and Rey Mysterio. “[He’s] yet another guy I hold very high, another guy I look up to, another guy who’s fueled my passion and the way I fight.” Lot of underdogs here. But put ‘em together, and you might just have a team of survivors.