Tale of the tape: Movie monsters vs. WWE Superstars and Divas
Monsters come in all shapes and sizes. Some play mind games and hunt their prey based on a longstanding grudge and others just love to create chaos for the sake of it. Regardless of their motive, a strong monster always finds a way to go from the silver screen to your nightmares.
But now, the most demented villains in horror movie history are creeping into the squared circle for 10 dream showdowns with the best Superstars and Divas in WWE. No one will be safe when these worlds collide and the things that go bump in the night run into Superstars who never hide from a fight.
(Movie stills courtesy of Everett Collection)
Ghostface (“Scream”) vs. Seth Rollins
You can run, but he’ll catch you. The masked killer from the “Scream” series loves to taunt his prey, calling them for a creepy Q&A before giving chase. His love of movie clichés fools his targets into thinking he’s just a friend playing a prank, but the joke’s on them.
Anyone who readily stomps a former friend through cinder blocks is too ruthless to mess with. Seth Rollins does what’s best for business and betrays anyone in his way, whether it’s Dean Ambrose or Brock Lesnar. He’ll flash you a smile, while hiding a knife behind his back. — JEFF LABOON
Hannibal Lecter (“Silence of the Lambs”) vs. Randy Orton
Physical and mental dismantling is the name of the game for this psychiatrist with a taste for human flesh. Hannibal Lecter’s medical training gives him the keys to a victim’s mind. Once inside, he exploits his enemies’ deepest fears, and from there, it’s a short trip to his dinner table, where there are only fava beans and nice Chianti for company.
Randy Orton prefers to administer a more physical form of decimation. You’ll never catch The Apex Predator worming his way into your mind. But you might catch a boot to the head as he methodically tears you apart, turning a supposedly even contest into a cat-and-mouse game rigged in favor of the feline. Ultimately, you’re little more than a snack for this ruthless Viper. — ANTHONY BENIGNO
Samara (“The Ring”) vs. Paige
Don’t watch Samara’s tape. If you do, get ready for an unsettling phone call and a fatal visit in seven days’ time. Size doesn’t matter for “The Ring’s” monster. Whether you’re an even match or a bigger prey, Samara will crawl through the TV — or TitanTron — and bring your gruesome end.
Paige doesn’t get intimidated. She debuted on the craziest Raw of 2014 against the longest-reigning Divas Champion, AJ Lee, and left with the title. So if a fight is coming her way — in seven days or sooner — Paige will unleash a bone-chilling scream and do whatever she must to prove she’s The Diva of Tomorrow. — JEFF LABOON
Michael Myers (“Halloween ”) vs. Brock Lesnar
Rob Zombie’s Michael Myers:
Rob Zombie’s vision of definitive slasher movie icon Michael Myers is a brute with superhuman strength, an absent conscience and a primal hate derived from chillingly dark origins. Myers has both ferocity and size, and the hulking, horrifying Halloween season monster is pure, unrelenting evil. Against this Michael, even Dr. Loomis stood little chance.
The Beast Incarnate is perhaps the most unstoppable force seen in WWE. Brock Lesnar is the perfect weapon of destruction, with an imposing stature to match his might and aggression. Struggle is futile. Here comes the pain — and likely much worse. — CRAIG TELLO
Killer Klowns from Outer Space (“Killer Klowns from Outer Space”) vs. Gold & Stardust
The Killer Klowns from Outer Space:
Hailing from a faraway galaxy where shadow puppets are a deadly armament, the Killer Klowns are hardly a laughing matter, trapping their human prey in cotton candy cocoons before sucking them dry with silly straws. Sure, you could try to dispatch these alien harlequins by popping their bright, red noses, but first you’d have to get past their lethal popcorn rifles and flesh-melting cream pies. Hungry?
Gold & Stardust:
These otherworldly warriors’ bizarre tactics help them come into possession of the “cosmic key,” but it seems they’ve only just begun their quest for intergalactic dominance. Unpredictable and capable of keeping any enemy — earthbound or otherwise — in a constant state of unease, Gold & Stardust won’t rest until all of their opposition plunges into a black hole of despair. — JAMES WORTMAN
Jack Torrance (“The Shining”) vs. Dean Ambrose
All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. Unfortunately, Jack Torrance, the homicidal caretaker from “The Shining,” has plenty of time to play. And by “play,” we mean chase after his wife and young son with an ax in his hands. His determination, delirium and dexterity with a hatchet make him one of the most twisted villains around. Care to check in?
Whether rigging a briefcase to prank a nemesis or commandeering a hot dog cart to attack rivals, Dean Ambrose has earned his “unstable” moniker. That type of erratic behavior makes “The Lunatic Fringe” one of sports-entertainment’s most unpredictable Superstars. And though he might seem more at home in an asylum, we’re content to have his unnerving gaze and creepy cadence take refuge in a WWE ring. — GREG ADKINS
The Sawyer Family (“The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”) vs. The Wyatt Family
The Sawyer Family:
Horror’s original bloodthirsty clan used wicked schemes and, well, a chainsaw stained by human innards to snare and victimize prey as a recreational family activity. It’s terrifying to think that their sole motivation was less instilling fright and more so rooted in hunger for a most twisted flavor.
The Wyatt Family:
An ominous “family” of real-life monsters, The Wyatts are bonded by nefarious intentions and a macabre — and yet unknown — origin. If you were to follow the buzzards, as Bray instructs, you might find yourself wandering into their backwoods lair (if not a Texas desert) from which you will assuredly not return. — CRAIG TELLO
Carrie (“Carrie”) vs. AJ Lee
Think your love life bites? Meet Carrie White, the tormented teen who was crowned prom queen by the vindictive popular kids, only to be doused with pig’s blood in front of the entire school. She’d have her gory revenge, though, using her powerful telekinetic abilities to set fire to the gymnasium — with everyone locked inside.
All is fair in love and war. Just ask AJ Lee, that rare breed of manic pixie dream girl who might toss you through a table if you don’t return her text messages. Double-cross this Diva? You’d have to be craz … on second thought, better not use that word around AJ. Unless, y’know, you want to have your forehead slammed into a water fountain. — RYAN MURPHY
Hordes of Zombies (“Dawn of the Dead”) vs. Roman Reigns
Hordes of Zombies:
Alone, zombies are slow, but they come together in waves, surrounding the living for a feast. When two fall, three more step into their place. And if you get close enough to them — like with a Spear or a Superman Punch — they’ll force you to join their ranks with a bite.
Roman Reigns stands alone, and he thrives when the odds are stacked against him. He won’t back down from a challenge. In fact, he’ll charge toward it. The more opponents, the better, because Reigns knows he’s the toughest guy in the room and he’d love to show you why. — JEFF LABOON
Freddy Krueger (“Nightmare on Elm Street”) & Jason Voorhees (“Friday the 13th”) vs. The Brothers of Destruction
Freddy Krueger & Jason Voorhees:
Freddy Krueger made his bones slashing through the bad dreams of Elm Street’s children with his razor glove. If you manage to escape your dreams (and Krueger), you’ll wake up to the nightmarish specter of Jason Voorhees. The monster from Camp Crystal Lake possesses unbelievable power and has managed to survive a litany of brutal demises. Ooh, baby, what a team.
Brothers of Destruction:
The Undertaker is a master of the macabre who has survived suffocation, entombment and even immolation. His half-brother Kane is your run-of-the-mill tortured pyromaniac. When they’re on the same page, The Brothers of Destruction make sure their opponents know what hell on earth truly is. — BOBBY MELOK