Candy-Coated, No. 10
This week: Faith
It's been a long time since you've heard from me, and this blog will explain it all. When I got injured on Oct. 22, my life changed. I was fighting for my title back against Beth Phoenix, and with her strength and talent, I had to give it everything I had. When I was unsuccessful in getting a three-count, I knew I needed something big to take her out. I headed to the top rope, and had no idea she would take a cheap shot at the ropes causing me to lose my balance and take a hard fall.
For those of you who don't know, I was knocked unconscious and don't remember anything else in the ring that night. I replayed it many times. … It's a crazy feeling to see yourself sit up and ask for water when you don't remember a thing. The hit, the drag, the pin, the stretcher, the help … I first remember hearing by the locker room on the stretcher that my family was being called. Then I realized I was hurt pretty bad. The journey in the ambulance was a real scary experience, and I was comforted by the face of one of WWE's trainers, Jason. The excruciating pain was awful, but not knowing what was wrong was terrifying!
I got to the hospital, and underwent two CT scans and multiple X-rays. The conclusion was a broken collarbone and a concussion. I didn't realize what it could have been at that time, so now I am so thankful and count my blessings. I was in the hospital room when the doctor told me I had many friends and fans waiting in different areas of the hospital. To all of you who took care of me and got me to my room and returned my rental car, etc., you mean the world to me and I am truly thankful for the love and help you showed me!
(A tear of thankfulness is shed.)
My journey has only begun, though.
The next morning, my family helped me to the airport where I was put into a wheelchair. Now when I say I was grizzled-looking, it was a real sight for sore eyes. It was not a pretty sight. A sweet man pushed me in the wheelchair, and I didn't have enough time to tell him I was feeling sick, and I vomited on the side of the wheelchair. Now talk about being a Diva! I was so embarrassed, that I wished it was filmed -- just so people would know what a real Diva looks like. Ha! I apologized all the way to my flight and couldn't wait to get home.
I saw an orthopedic surgeon once I got home, and he took more X-rays. The conclusion was the same. Approximately 12 weeks to heal. I went home and slept for about the first week. The emotions kicked into high gear on week two. I felt like I had hit a major depression. I didn't know why I felt the way I did; I felt I should be thankful for only breaking my collarbone and for all the love and support I was receiving! Well I finally figured it out. This isn't work for me, nor is it just a job. This is my passion! I was giving everything to this and in one second it was swept from underneath me, literally!
Do you guys remember a couple of weeks ago on Raw when Ric Flair returned? I was so excited. I can't wait to watch Raw, SmackDown and ECW when they come on! I feel like a little kid again who gets to see my friends and family. When Ric was in the ring addressing the crowd, he had me in tears and then jumping for joy. If you listen to his voice, and see the look in his eyes when he said, "I will never retire from this business. I love this business." I knew he truly meant what he said. I admire Ric Flair for his charisma, work ethic and his love for what he does, wrestle! I remember one day we were performing at a live event, and he was so pumped up and fired-up with energy to go out and perform. He said that even if only one fan comes out, he would put on the best show. I will never forget that!
When I was in my last match with Beth Phoenix, the fall is not the one thing that stands out to me. It was the moment when I got out of the hold and the crowd -- that's right, the crowd -- fired me up to knock her down! You guys, all you fans, have no idea the special place my heart holds for you. I see why Ric has that kind of attitude, and I'm glad he passed his wisdom onto me.
As my journey continues, here at home it has been an emotional roller coaster. I'm excited for home, and spending time with my family and friends, but quite frankly, sometimes my mind is elsewhere. It's a battle to balance the two, and this journey has blessed me with this opportunity to figure that out! I'm trying weird things like cooking without burning the house down. … Ha! It's really a time of self-realization and focusing on what's important to me.
I was having a down day a few days ago, when I decided to go, relax and tan. A lady at the front desk said she and her boyfriend are huge WWE fans, and asked me if after my tan if I would go up front and say hello. Once again, not in a pretty state at a tanning salon at 8:30 a.m., but I was flattered and said, of course! I went and must have talked with them for about 20 minutes. They were truly huge fans and concerned about my well-being. They may have thought it was nice that I stayed to talk, but they have no idea when I told them thank you for their support how much they really lifted me up. It reminded me what I was fighting so hard for, why I'm in this business and how I will fight to be back to get what is mine!
I am happy that I have been out of my sling for about two weeks. I fought with my physical therapist who wanted to do therapy 2-3 times a week, when I wanted to do it daily. We settled on six days a week. Ha! This journey has turned into the fight of my life! I am fighting so that soon I will come back bigger, better, faster and stronger!
This is much easier said than done. Therapy is one of the hardest things I've ever done. Not just for my collarbone, but my rotator cuff, my bicep, my trap and upper chest muscles have all been overcompensating. I swear if it's not one thing hurting, there's some hidden muscle I never knew about lurking behind it and hurting! This is the fight, and I realize it. I miss wrestling, I miss my family and friends at WWE, but I can't express how much I miss hearing the fans ROOOOOAAARRRR!!
This journey has made me discover that I need to believe in myself and have "faith."
"Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, and the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1
This means go for your dreams and believe in the power to get you to where you need to go! This has been a turning point in my life. I went on the TV show LA Ink, and had "faith" tattooed on my inner wrist. It is a personal affirmation so it faces me, but when I raise my hands up, it will face you! Have faith and you will go where you never thought you could go!
I am only six weeks into this journey, but I control this fight and I will win! I can't wait to see you all again!
… And for you, Miss Phoenix, I have been told I could never do it. I have been told I'm just a pretty face. I have had my nose broken, and now my collarbone. But if you think for one minute that you have ended my career or my chances of being the Women's Champion again, be careful when you're not looking. Be careful when you blink, because I will be back before you know it -- because I'm focused on one thing. Take it as a warning or as a promise, but this journey will explode when I return!