Unplanned parenthood for Mr. McMahon
BUFFALO, N.Y. -- Less than two months after allegedly going out in a blaze of glory, Mr. McMahon struck back on Raw, triggering an explosive series of events that rocked our fans and Raw's Superstars in the HSBC Arena to their very core. However, in a scene eerily reminiscent of the one he admitted to staging at the conclusion of Raw June 11, WWE's Chairman received a bombshell Monday night that might have him wishing that he had been "blown to smithereens" in his stretch limousine in Wilkes-Barre, Pa.
The bombshell? Being hit with a paternity suit for an illegitimate child he sired…and the jaw-dropping realization that another McMahon may exist out there, somewhere.
It was supposed to be a good night for the returning Chairman, whose "freedom of expression" demeanor suggested that he had intended to make the most of his evening. Within mere minutes, he had declared an impromptu Battle Royal and found himself a new General Manager in winner William Regal. Read the full story ...
Unfortunately, Mr. McMahon's good humor seemed to be at the expense of Jonathan Coachman, who not only lost his Raw top spot as Acting GM, but was forced to swallow his pride even further when the boss reassigned him as Regal's Executive Assistant.
That said, the brooding Coachman must have found some measure of comfort in relaying a sequence of unfortunate events to Mr. McMahon Monday night, including a full-scale audit that had just been ordered by the IRS (the organization, not the man). Yet even Coachman couldn't possibly have anticipated the process server who'd arrive with a summons for Mr. McMahon, or the summons' contents within.
As for the boss himself…well, he earlier confided with Raw's new GM that orchestrating his own death had taught him some harsh life lessons. Beyond the fact that our fans and his Superstars seemed happy or unfazed by the feigned tragedy, it was his family's behavior which truly opened his eyes. He pointed out how his son, Shane, had been conveniently "missing in action" on the night of the explosion. Daughter Stephanie might have been crying in the ring about losing her father, but he knew that she also had three different attorneys working to cut her slice of the McMahon estate pie. And then there was his wife of 41 years, Linda, whom the Chairman air-quoted as seen being "consoled" by a longtime faithful WWE employee. Nevertheless, Mr. McMahon was confident that he'd find a way to galvanize his family together, by finding "the goodness" that he knew existed inside him. As he told Regal, "There's nothing that will stop my family from getting back together."
Almost mirroring the final moments before June 11's limousine explosion, the Chairman walked down the HSBC Arena hallways, passing Raw Superstars, Divas and backstage workers as he exited the building. Once again, he headed straight for his white limousine, taking one last look behind him before, and started entering the stretch vehicle. And that's when his world exploded.
Sorry, let's clarify -- it wasn't an actual explosion this time. This one was figurative, but its impact was, and is, potentially far more devastating.
Catching Mr. McMahon just before he slammed the limo door closed, Coachman gave him the summons. The annoyed Chairman, knowing that Raw's Executive Assistant had already read the paperwork, ordered him to read the summons aloud:
"The state of Connecticut says you're being served with a paternity suit for an illegitimate child that you sired," Coachman said.
Mr. McMahon's face turned from annoyance into utter disbelief, like a man whose world had just blown up in his face, while his designated detonator of bad news fired out one more burst of reality:
"That's right…apparently, there's another member of the McMahon family running around out there somewhere."
WWE.com tried catching up with WWE's Chairman for a quick word about the shocking news; unfortunately, the skid marks left behind by his stretch limo made it plain that a man who cited "freedom of expression" all evening was in no mood to talk with anyone now.