Vampire exposed

With the onset of the Halloween season, sugar-fueled youths across the country will scurry through the streets costumed as miniature Draculas while the undead invade television sets in the form of various vampire films. In the spirit of All Hallows Eve, spoke with the most macabre Extremist, Kevin Thorn, to gain an understanding of the "vampire lifestyle."

"I think society doesn't understand vampires," Thorn said in a late night interview, the only time he could be reached. "Society thinks they're always lurking and always out for a feast when truly, they have a need to feed too and it's not necessarily always a barbaric act."

Thorn, who idolizes the fanged monsters, admonished the portrayal of vampires and claimed it is ridiculous how they are often sensationalized in countless films.

"People instantly think of Count Dracula types, but based on movies, it's clear people are mistaken in their view of what vampires are really about," he explained.

According to Thorn, there is one movie that portrays the undead quite accurately: The Lost Boys. Serving as one of the main reasons he was drawn to the dark side, Thorn considers the vampire named David (played by Kiefer Sutherland) the epitome of what vampires are all about.

"[David] had a stacked night life for every minute of darkness and waking up early was never an option," Thorn claimed. "Vampires get to go out and feast and have fun, party all night in bite clubs and sleep all day. You also get all the hottest ladies."

In homage to the morbid lifestyle he admires, Thorn is almost never seen without that skull-adorned cane. More than a mark of dignity, he has often used his walking stick as a weapon to help tally up his body count.

"Most vampires are portrayed as aristocrats and are well-to-do," he said. "I may carry a cane, but it serves its own purpose in my quest."

This quest, Thorn added, entails total domination in sports-entertainment. Once he takes a bite out of ECW, he expects to move on to the rest of WWE. With such vast plans, Thorn's "servant" Ariel certainly provides a considerable advantage. When he first learned of her insight through her mystical Tarot cards, Thorn immediately brought her to his side.

In addition to his unusual walking stick, the scorching, soothsaying succubus has proven to be one of Thorn's more noticeable assets -- and potential weapons.

"Ariel's not just a teething ring," Thorn said. "She can predict the future with her Tarot cards. With such a gift, she should certainly make me more successful in ECW and beyond."

Thorn claimed that Ariel also satisfies a certain imposing hunger he feels for sultry sirens like Selene from Underworld.

"She's just smoking hot," he exclaimed, adding that that alone is enough to make her a successful representation of a vampire in his mind. She also has a really fine, protruding neck.

Thorn said that, occasionally, movies like Underworld offer fairly accurate and genuine depictions of vampires based on his ideas. Still, there are also plenty that give vampires a bad name, which he blames on society's misinterpretations of the undead.

Moreover, Thorn described his intentions in heading to his most recent dwelling in ECW. The bizarre Extremist explained that the choice to join ECW as opposed to SmackDown and RAW was easy; he simply had to "follow the scent of blood" directly to the Land of the Extreme.

"Given the carnage and bloodshed, it's clearly the ideal place for someone of my interests to begin his conquests," he said. "ECW was the natural choice." Thorn continued, "Extreme Championship Wrestling has the most blood donors."

In his initial public appearance in the early editions of ECW on Sci Fi, Thorn stood outside the arenas and stalked the Extremists inside. Before long, Joey Styles made the mistake of inviting him inside, and Thorn has been terrorizing the ECW roster with his eccentric, demonic methods ever since.

For Thorn, who claims that in a way, he was born a vampire, there is no better way to live.

"My ways are my ways," affirmed the mysterious rogue. "Why keep living when you can be undead?"

Now that you've read about Thorn, get a more expansive vampire analysis from this most unusual Extremist.



Check out brand-new photos of Ariel

Vampire analysis

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