Memorable quotes from Bobby “The Brain” Heenan
WWE Hall of Famer Bobby “The Brain” Heenan is regarded as one of the greatest managers and color commentators of all time. The Brain had some of the funniest and most unapologetic jokes and analysis of Superstars and the events that transpired in front of him. Check out some of the most memorable one-liners and comments from The Weasel’s storied career.
"You listen to me, you'll go to the top! You don't listen to me, you're never heard from again!"
Speaking about Hillbilly Jim:
“For crying out loud, McMahon, you're talking to a guy who thinks the bathroom should be outside, 50 feet in back of the house!”
"Parts Unknown, it usually means Downtown Newark."
“A friend in need is a pest.”
On the 8-foot-tall Giant Gonzalez:
"You know how some people can palm a basketball? This guy could probably palm a Buick!"
“I hate to say it, but the Bushwhackers are a lot prettier than some of the women I've seen here.”
“Last time I saw Tugboat — Typhoon, “Buffoon,” whatever he is — run that fast is when they opened up a lunch line at the free buffet.”
On baseball legend Bob Uecker:
“You had 700,000 votes to get into the Hall of Fame. You'd have had a lot more, but you ran out of stamps.”
“He hit him so hard he knocked three zits off his cheek!”
“Are there any swamps in Oklahoma? Yes, there is. It's called Tulsa.”
“Cheating is only cheating when you get caught, and bragging isn't bragging when you can do it.”
On Stu & Helen Hart’s decision to name their son Bruce:
“His name is Bruce, right? What a stupid name. You have nine months, and you come up with ‘Bruce’?”
"I asked Stu Hart earlier. I said, 'Stu, you gotta be proud of your boys.' He said, 'I have boys?'"
“You know, The Undertaker's gonna start a new basketball team. Yeah, it's for guys six feet and under.”
His strategy for fighting “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan:
“What I would do is, I would take the tape off of Duggan's fists and tie his hands behind his back. Then I would hit him so fast and so hard I'd knock his eyes straight. All three of them."
"If you're poor and you do something stupid, you're nuts. If you're rich and do something stupid, you're eccentric."
On Goldberg’s WCW Championship victory:
“Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! We got a new heavyweight champion of the world! The first undefeated man in the history of this sport to ever win the World Championship, and have a record of 107, 108 ... who cares?! There's zero on the other side! We've got a new champion! Listen to this! Wow.”
On onetime Chris Jericho bodyguard Ralphus:
"How could you not turn your attention to Ralphus? He's quite the looker."
"The Barbarian doesn’t like anybody. When I managed him, he barely liked me! Why do you think they call him the Barbarian? He’s not a hairdresser on his day off!”
“I’m a legend in this sport. If you don’t believe me, ask me.”
“Now remember this: When a man sticks his hand out to you, you shake it. Then kick him really hard when he’s not looking.”
“The bad thing about the Bushwhackers is that win, lose or draw, you gotta have everything you’ve got on fumigated.”