'Total Divas' Season 2, Episode 1 recap: Always a bridesmaid

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March 16, 2014

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Three things in this life are certain: Death, taxes and “Total Divas.” And good news to all those poor souls parched from an unholy drought of Brie Mode, the confused followers waving “Girl Bye” to no one in particular and cat enthusiasts chronicling King Louis fan-fictions across their Tumblrs, because we. Are. BACK (back-back on top of the world). And with Brie Bella and Daniel Bryan’s wedding on the horizon, wedding bells are a’ringin’ and casting a long shadow over the party-hearty ladies of E!’s newest hit.

Watch: Bryan proposes and other finale highlights | Clips from the wild Season 2 premiere

For one, the upcoming nuptials have driven Nikki Bella headlong into a rut. She’s on break from her relationship with John Cena after his “no kids, no marriage” talk in last season’s finale, and spends the majority of this hour wringing her hands over whether to cast her lot in with the lone wolf or risk wading back into the singles pool to potentially find a guy who’s more open to the idea of starting a family. An eleventh-hour text from Cena inviting Nikki to a romantic rendezvous seems to open up the possibility of a proposal, or at least reconciliation, though the episode ends just as their sunset meeting gets going so we don’t see what the conversation entails just yet.

Photos: Nikki's long walk on the boardwalk | Who had the best Sound Byte?

Eva Marie, meanwhile, is drifting further and further up a creek with each passing day, as she’s eloped with her boyfriend Jonathan and neglected to inform her less-than-supportive family. The rest of the Divas (Naomi especially), Sandra the seamstress and even Jonathan himself attempt to relate what a terrible, terrible course of action this is, and yet “Eva the Diva’s” grand solution is to literally wipe her (shared) apartment of any traces that her husband lives there and hope for the best when the brood comes to visit. Spoiler alert: This plan does not work, and she ends the episode more or less disowned.

As for resident, already-married veteran Natalya, she’s left to shoot newcomer/potential usurper Summer Rae the side-eye while engaging in a little #BrieMode-esque nonsense of her own, bumping booties with Cameron’s boyfriend Vinnie at the club and narrowly avoiding arrest in the process. But hey, she didn’t text Stephanie McMahon this time, so progress is progress, right?

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