The 5 lamest Survivor Series teams ever!
Not all Survivor Series teams are created equal. For every grouping of Ultimate Warrior, The Texas Tornado and Legion of Doom, there’s, well, the guys up there. (Bit of trivia, the team pictured above didn’t even make it to the ring as is. Big Bully Busick was replaced by the mighty Hercules before the big night.)
So what separates an epic team like 1989’s Hulkamaniacs from, say, The Four Doinks? Turns out it's a lot more than just some greasepaint. Read on to learn about five Survivor Series squads that proved that teamwork isn’t always a good thing.
The British Bulldog & The Mean Street Posse (Survivor Series 1999)
When The British Bulldog returned to WWE during the late ’90s Attitude Era, he fit in by ditching the Union Jack tights and “Rule, Britannia!” entrance theme for a dirty pair of Levi’s and a generic guitar riff. At the 1999 Survivor Series, the big Brit found an unexpected kinship with other competitors who sported unorthodox legwear in the ring: the khaki-clad Mean Street Posse.
The three preppy frat bros might have fancied themselves street thugs, but few Superstars were intimidated by Shane McMahon’s pals who competed in sweater vests. And while Rodney, Pete Gas and Joey Abs liked to remind fans they hailed from the “mean streets” of Greenwich, it was a far cry from the London district that the Bulldog called home. Not surprisingly, the foursome fell to the diverse grouping of Mark Henry, Steve Blackman, Val Venis and Gangrel. — ZACH LINDER
Sherri Martel, Donna Christianello, Dawn Marie & The Glamour Girls (Survivor Series 1987)
Nineteen eighty-seven wasn’t exactly a banner year for the women’s division, as then-Women’s Champion Sensational Sherri demonstrated with her assemblage at the first Survivor Series. Though the WWE Hall of Famer smartly surrounded herself with WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions The Glamour Girls to face a mostly youthful five-lady team captained by The Fabulous Moolah, it seemed as though Sherri had trouble rounding out the unit beyond her fellow titleholders.
Enter Donna Christianello and Dawn Marie. Cagey veterans though they were, Christianello and Marie had all but vanished from WWE in 1987. Their inclusion at WWE’s second-ever pay-per-view felt random and left some fans wondering if Sherri had discovered them day-of slinging Happy Waitresses at an I-77 truck stop diner. Against a team that included the dynamic and fast-moving Jumping Bomb Angels, their traditional offenses appeared wholly outdated. Needless to say, Sherri’s team wasn’t a winning one. — JOHN CLAPP
Col. Mustafa, The Berzerker, Skinner & Hercules (Survivor Series 1991)
Leftovers are meant to be consumed after Thanksgiving, not during Survivor Series. The main event of the 1991 pay-per-view saw The Undertaker win his first WWE Championship when he defeated Hulk Hogan with an assist from Ric Flair. The rest of the card was comprised of seemingly obligatory Traditional Tag Team Elimination Matches with partners drawn from a hat.
The goofiest of all the combinations saw Iranian-Olympian-turned-Iraqi-soldier Col. Mustafa paired with tobacco drooling Skinner, mythical Viking The Berzerker and poor Hercules, who must have been dreaming of the days when he was a member of Hulk Hogan’s team. Luckily, the match didn’t last long as Sgt. Slaughter, “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan, Tito Santana and The Texas Tornado eliminated this motley crew of misfits in short order. — JOEY STYLES
Big Show, The Blue Meanie & Kai En Tai (Survivor Series 1999)
What did Big Show do to deserve his 1999 Survivor Series squad? Up against a team of vindictive heavyweights in Big Boss Man, Mideon, Viscera & Albert, The World’s Largest Athlete got below average backup in the form of undersized Japanese lightweights Taka Michinoku and Funaki along with a gelatinous blob known as The Blue Meanie.
Oddly enough, Show’s lackluster teammates ended up inspiring the big man. In a Survivor Series first, the giant decided to go it alone and proceeded to take out his entire group in the locker room. (Couldn’t he just have asked them to hang back?) Then he went out and singlehandedly defeated the opposing side. Then he came back later in the night and topped Triple H and The Rock to win the WWE Title. Turns out being paired with The Blue Meanie was the best thing to ever happen to Big Show. — RYAN MURPHY
The Four Doinks (Surivor Series 1993)
Two opponents could not have been more different than Bam Bam Bigelow and Doink the Clown, who were scheduled to captain opposing teams at the 1993 Survivor Series. In typical prankster fashion, though, Doink pulled one over on “The Beast from the East” when he spared himself the embarrassment of competing in the goofy match and sent out The Bushwhackers and Men on a Mission in clown makeup in his place.
The joke ended up being on the members of the WWE Universe who had to suffer through the debacle that ensued. From Mr. McMahon’s over-the-top laughter on commentary during the bout’s dopey pratfalls to Bigelow’s entire team being shut out on eliminations, there was no mirth in this miserable match. — J.S.