Your Ultimate WWE Zombie Survival Guide

The WWE Universe has been swallowed whole by a zombie plague and it's time to grapple with ghouls. In a chaotic realm of brainbusters and brain-lusters, these survival stratagems will help you endure WWE's undead Superstars and keep you from becoming goulash for the ghoulish.

10 ways to grapple ghouls

By standard George A. Romero zombie lore, the only way to stop one of the reanimated cadavers is to deactivate its brain. Thus, when combating WWE’s undead,employ an arsenal of head-focused movesto thwart the pesky nibbling of flesh-starved Superstars.

Hint: Sweet Chin Music > Pedigree > Spear.

10 ways to grapple ghouls

When facing a WWE Zombie, steer well clear of match types that, by nature, may lock you in a precarious, susceptible position among the living dead. No Strap or Casket Matches. We recommend a steel cage encounter, but warn that it could go either way: The 15-foot structure blocking out roving hordes, or, on the other hand, you confined within the steel entrapment amid the plagued fiends.

10 ways to grapple ghouls

In the realm of reanimated Superstars, championships aren’t just a symbolic token of victory, but – for the resourceful few – a durable device of protection. Solid gold and rugged leather can be used to deflect and withstand a WWE Zombie strike. Therefore, rather than courageously defending your WWE Championship, consider allowing your WWE Championship to defend you.

10 ways to grapple ghouls

Do not allow yourself to be blinded by the belief that these risen creatures are the same beings they were prior to their expiration. That staggering corpse is not your one-time friend, favorite Superstar or former tag team partner. It’s a WWE Zombie and it’s not reaching for the tag – it’s reaching for your gullet. Grapple your emotions and allow instinct to drive. Destroy on sight.

10 ways to grapple ghouls

We get it. You’re a huge WWE Superstar. Nonetheless, it’s in your best interest to lay low. Make due without the fiery, colorful pyrotechnics displays upon your arrival into an arena … or emptied supermarket, or wherever you travel in a collapsed, post-apocalyptic society. Just say “no” to ballyhoo. If even one of the WWE Zombie breed detects you, it’s hearing the dinner bell. And you can bet their flesh-eating friends will follow.

10 ways to grapple ghouls

In the world of WWE’s walking dead, consider each day a No Disqualification Match. Count-outs and disqualifications may save your title, but not your hide, among the infected. Bobby Heenan – commonly known as “The Brain” (yes, zombie irony) – often recited the mantra, “Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat.” Farooq employed the “by any means necessary” technique. Bottom line: Fight tooth and nail, disregard rules, and do anything/everything in your power to survive.

10 ways to grapple ghouls

Samoans are the most notoriously tough men of locker room lore. More importantly, if there’s anything to be learned by watching Haku, The Headshrinkers, and especially Afa & Sika, it’s that Superstars from the isle of Samoa seem to have impervious cranial regions. For whatever reason, these headbutt-resistant islanders wield hard, durable skulls, which make them the closest to immune from brain-lusting WWE Zombie bites.

10 ways to grapple ghouls

The clothes might not make the man, but they can certainly help keep him alive. Ideally, you should conceal and protect as much flesh as possible, so strongly consider ditching short tights or singlets in lieu of full body furnishings. However, be sure your ring gear facilitates maneuverability; avoid elaborate ornamentation such as excessive bling or tangle-prone “Warrior fringe” bands.

10 ways to grapple ghouls

Standard military tactics certainly apply when it comes to an army of the undead. If you must engage the enemy, take position at higher ground. Whether it’s the top turnbuckle or the TitanTron, elevated terrain will keep WWE Zombies struggling and clawing to reach your toes and offer wide range of vision. It’ll also make the decomposing cretins easy pickins’ for attacks from above – as long as it’s not a flying dropkick or Shooting Star Press. Always think high ground, not high-risk maneuvers.

10 ways to grapple ghouls

Since you’ll be bobbing and weaving your way through droves of necrotic devourers, above all else, conditioning is key. Opportunely exhausting grounds for training include the Royal Rumble and WWE Iron Man Match. But no matter how fit and well trained, do not ever challenge an undead WWE demon to a match at WrestleMania. As repeatedly proven with the streak-sustaining Undertaker, the odds are exponentially against you.

Think you’re ready to clash with the creeping cadavers of the canvas? Bonus tip: Know your enemy. Examine exclusive photos of the WWE Zombies.

And, of course, if you have your own tips for defeating WWE's undead, comment below and share with your fellow WWE Universe members.

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