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WWE's 20 meanest Grinches
With the familiar cartoon anthem echoing through our minds, WWE.com unwraps its holiday gift to you — a holiday list of the most curmudgeonly characters to ever step in the ring.
Suplexing smiles from the WWE Universe's faces through foul play and villainy, these are the squared circle's most grievous Grinches. Or, as one Dr. Seuss would phrase, a pack of plundering parasites and rancid ruffians who've plotted and pounded their path to the competitive pinnacle. And their hearts are sullied with soot.
While the melody is fresh in your head, let's meet the Grinches.
The Grinch stole Christmas, right? That's child's play compared to all the championships The Rated-R Superstar stole in his career. Given Edge's record, it wouldn't be hard to imagine The Ultimate Opportunist adorning his once beloved Vickie Guerrero with reindeer antlers en route to a haunt in Who-ville just to spear little Cindy Lou Who — tinsel in hand — through her precious Christmas spruce. ( WATCH)
The Million Dollar Man
The affluent antagonist that tried to buy glory (in the form of the WWE Championship) from Andre the Giant has boasted plenty of bah-humbugs in his day. The only thing that burned worse than his mistreatment of young WWE fans — or his beleaguered bodyguard Virgil — was his demoralizing, haughty laughter … no matter how admittedly classic it is. ( WATCH)
Perhaps the prickliest pear of this bunch, John "Bradshaw" Layfield used his personal success as justification for consistently disparaging the WWE Universe members who lacked his impressive bankroll. And his condescending Texas tone only made his words sting more. Even Mr. McMahon gave out some of his own cash; JBL wouldn't open his Italian leather wallet unless you were paying him. ( WATCH)
With or without his cattle prod in tow, The Mountie sought to bring his unwarranted form of self-proclaimed Canadian justice to the innocent. Clearly, the folks of the WWE Universe infuriated the loudmouthed law enforcer, provoking The Mountie to take his spot at his pulpit to berate the "corrupt" fans. And although the former Intercontinental Champion supposedly "always got his man," The Mountie bore one of the most memorable persistently sour pusses in the history of WWE. ( WATCH)
Nothing says killjoy like a 7-foot, fire-scorched spawn of hell. Kane is an individual who finds the finest pleasure in the despair of others — physical, emotional, you name it.
The Big Red Monster is one competitor who plays with fire and doesn't care about getting burned … anymore. He's set myriad things ablaze, tortured Superstars-a-plenty and even had to attend anger management classes to calm his temper.
Doom and gloom aside, when your brother is The Undertaker and your parents are, well, indisposed, there's not much seasonal cheer to share. ( WATCH)
King Kong Bundy
Four hundred and forty pounds of unpleasant humanity, King Kong Bundy broke bones and crushed bodies without remorse. Big, bad and ornery, the last thing Bundy ever did was pick on anybody his own size (e.g. poor Little Beaver at WrestleMania III). A Christmas feast would certainly stand much less of a chance. ( WATCH)
Ever since costing Rey Mysterio a victory at SummerSlam 2006, Vickie has been WWE's epitome of Grinch. Using her glib speech to talk her way through any situation, The Queen Diva will throw a loud and obnoxious temper-tantrum whenever she doesn't get her way. Vickie can scowl with the best of them, and the WWE Universe is always sure let her know how much they disapprove of the Raw Managing Supervisor's devious actions. Excuse her. ( WATCH)
Jerry "The King" Lawler
Jerry Lawler is one of the most beloved figures in the history of sports-entertainment. But "The King" was not always the broadcast table's pride and joy. Upon arriving in WWE in 1992, he became obsessed with Bret Hart's King of the Ring victory, claiming himself to be WWE's one true king. Jealous much? But when time came to settle the score at SummerSlam 1993, the Memphis, Tenn., native feigned injury and followed up with a dastardly sneak attack. We're always glad to see the Hall of Famer's grinning mug today, but there was a time when no one was Grinchier. ( WATCH)
At one point or another, everybody hates their boss. And the roster of WWE Superstars are no exception. Whether it's duping Bret Hart in Montreal or doing everything possible to prevent "Stone Cold" Steve Austin from becoming WWE Champion, Mr. McMahon has been making competitors' lives a living hell for decades. The egomaniacal Chairman even had his own daughter kidnapped just for the sake of achieving his own personal goals. It takes a certain kind of personality to take pleasure in saying the words, "You're fired!" And there's only one man in WWE who can actually afford to be a Grinch. The Chairman. ( WATCH)
It's hard to gauge exactly how menacing Xanta Claus truly was, since he only had one memorable (term used fairly loosely) appearance. Still, he easily qualifies because, like the original Grinchy Yuletide eulogist himself, Xanta aimed to maim holiday spirit.
In fact, appearing at In Your House on Dec. 17, 1995, this version of St. Nick delivered a season's beating to a cheerful Savio Vega as the Santa-hatted Latin Superstar gave out gifts to the crowd. Low, Xanta. Low. ( WATCH)
The self-proclaimed "Intellectual Savior" of WWE, Damien Sandow believes it is his duty to help sports-entertainment fans becomes enlightened. But no matter how much wisdom Sandow attempts to spread, his search for fellow scholars continues to be met with what he believes are philistines. A frown often hidden underneath his Bard-like beard, Sandow's smile only emerges after his victories, which are frequent. The pink-wearing competitor may perceive himself to be a superior being, but he almost always backs it up in the ring. ( WATCH)
If a Grinch is measured by the slime in his smirk, the former WCW head honcho might be the most devious of all. Bischoff cheated and schemed his way through the world of sports-entertainment both behind the cameras and in front of them. Whether it was conning Jim Ross out of a job, stealing competitors from ECW or joining The nWo, there wasn’t anything the power-hungry Bischoff wouldn’t do to make sure he always remained at the top. ( WATCH)
"Rowdy" Roddy Piper
An old saying implies that words hurt more than actions, but "Rowdy" Roddy Piper had the uncanny ability to inflict pain with both. For a man who battled Hulk Hogan at the very first WrestleMania, "Hot Rod" was at his Grinchiest when antagonizing the most helpless of victims. Longtime fans remember the edition of "Piper's Pit" when the mean Scotsman cracked a coconut over "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka's skull, but Roddy's meanest "Pit" act was taking advantage of naïve grappler Frankie Williams. Piper spontaneously attacked the soft-spoken guest on his talk show and made the notoriously Grinchy declaration that he always "changes the questions." ( WATCH)
"Can I have your attention please?" After more than a decade at the WWE broadcast table, Michael Cole began to express his grating views more freely during 2010. The so-called "Voice of WWE" began to wear on fans and colleague Jerry Lawler and the sniveling Cole became such a Grinch that he built a "Cole Mine" to protect himself from the WWE locker room. After being knighted in an absurd ceremony during a European tour, the pompous commentator referred to sports-entertainment fans as peasants and forced Jim Ross to smooch his foot. Cole might fancy himself a serious newsman, but Walter Cronkite he ain't. ( WATCH)
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan
For 30 years, Bobby Heenan Grinched his way through every major wrestling organization, earning the ire of fans, opponents and even his own managerial clients. Heenan might have liked to think of himself as wrestling's "Brain," but Dick the Bruiser dubbed him the more appropriate moniker of "Weasel." Heenan convinced longtime fan favorite Andre the Giant to turn his back on Hulk Hogan and the WWE Universe, and played an instrumental role in wooing reigning WCW Champion Ric Flair to WWE. In a memorable moment, "The Brain" compared Flair's title to ice cream and Hogan's WWE Championship to horse manure. What a Grinch! ( WATCH)
Nothing in life is black and white, but there was no mistaking The nWo were nothing but Grinches. The original trio of Hollywood Hogan, Kevin Nash and Scott Hall revolutionized sports-entertainment in their quest to take over WCW. Nobody squashed the red and yellow of The Hulkster. Like a true Grinch, he did it on his own. Later invading WWE as Mr. McMahon's lethal dose of poison, The original evil triumvirate proved they were Grinches-4-life. ( WATCH)
Before the massive Earthquake became a fan favorite as a member of The Natural Disasters, the former sumo wrestler used his pure might to terrorize the most iconic WWE Superstars of the era. With his 468-pound frame, Earthquake did significant damage to Hulk Hogan's ribs and squashed Jake Roberts' beloved snake Damien. Adding insult to injury, the behemoth would later cook up the pet to devour as a meal. With all that destruction, Earthquake was a Grinch that ranked high on the Richter scale. ( WATCH)
Irwin R. Schyster
It's one thing to be pinned in the ring. It's quite another to be audited by the government. Irwin R. Schyster terrorized with both. IRS was all business, all the time, even competing fully dressed in a shirt and tie. An athletically gifted Superstar on his own, IRS achieved his greatest success after pairing with The Million Dollar Man. Together, Money Inc. captured the World Tag Team Championships on three occasions. We're not sure if he wrote off his championship wins, but IRS always demanded the WWE Universe pay up. As bureaucratic in the squared circle as filling out a W-4 form, Schyster proved there are only two certainties in life: death and taxes. ( WATCH)
As sneaky as a raccoon searching through your garbage, Repo Man was as Grinchy as they come. Introduced to the WWE Universe while lurking outside a suburban home at 3 a.m., the giggling bandit declared the house's resident was a day late on his car payments and the car now belonged to the Repo Man. Where's the Christmas spirit in that? Over the following two years, WWE fans never knew where Repo Man would pop up next as he stole, er, repossessed items including Randy Savage's cowboy hat. We wouldn't be surprised if the gleeful burglar once took a Christmas tree and all the gifts wrapped underneath it, too. ( WATCH)
Perhaps The Miz's Grinchiness was born out of his treatment in the WWE locker room, where his fellow competitors resented a reality show star infringing on their turf. In turn, The Miz became one of the most grating, obnoxious personalities in sports-entertainment history. The pompous Superstar constantly reminds the WWE Universe of how "Awesome" he believes himself to be, and backed up his words by becoming WWE Champion. Much to the WWE Universe's dismay, he defeated John Cena in the main event of WrestleMania XXVII, which became another accolade Miz loves to repeat. Only a Grinch would allow all that success to go to their head. ( WATCH)