In Real Life: Lesson One

In Real Life: Lesson One
Hello, all my faithful followers. Matt Striker has returned! OK, OK, settle down. It has been more than a month since I last imparted wisdom unto you. Since then, I have been to Nottingham (which is not a piece of narcoleptic pork), Luxembourg and other cities during a successful European tour.
During my travels, so many of my fans approach me for advice. They ask, "Striker, how do I get girls to talk to me?" or "Matt, can you please tell me how to make friends like Big Daddy V so that I too can be dominant?"
Well, people, I cannot answer all of life's questions for you, but I can certainly try. What I'd like to do here is utilize the cunning and clairvoyance that has become synonymous with the name Matt Striker, as well as the shrewd ability to "navigate the treacherous and make it seem effortless." (Mos Def)
While Big Daddy and I tour the land leaving a wake of destruction in our path, I find myself feeling like I am atop a mountain, like a guru of sorts, just not sitting crossed-legged or with a long beard. In any event, let us lay down the parameters:
Please feel free to send me, Matt Striker, any and all problems, question or situations to which you would like advice, here at this address. I will do my best to get to all of your queries. I think we shall call it "STRIKER IN REAL LIFE" -- unless any of you have a better title; I will entertain all ideas.
I will offer curt and candid opinions, and the best advice that I can. All I can do is give to you what I have gathered in both my travels and life experiences. Hopefully I can help.
Here we go:
"Sarah" from New York City writes:
Matt, I really like this guy and we have so much fun together but he doesn't want to be my boyfriend. What do I do?
Well, Sarah, it sounds to me like this guy either doesn't want a commitment or he just doesn't see you for what you really are. Why be upset over someone who doesn't want the same things as you? If you enjoy one another's company, then perhaps that is what you should focus on rather than on the negative? Boys can be difficult to deal with; be happy you found one that you get along with. Boys and girls CAN be just friends!
"PJ" From Phoenix writes:
Striker, I am always angry. Every time I see you on the television, I want to scream. I wish CM Punk or Boogeyman would finish you for good.
Well, it's always nice to hear from a real fan!  PJ, I am not your problem. Your anger is your problem and until you deal with your own issues, I cannot help you. As far as Punk or Boogeyman go … umm, have you seen my friend? You know the one who is always with me EVERYWHERE I go? Perhaps you have: Big guy -- I mean REALLY big. Tattoos. Not very nice. Yeah, his name is Big Daddy V and he guarantees that neither Punk nor Boogey nor anyone for that matter will EVER LAY A HAND ON ME!! That includes you, PJ. So, I wish you the best with your anger issues and until then, keep practicing the "V" hand sign.
OK, time for one more. Stacy from Long Island writes:
Hey hot stuff, do you have a girlfriend?
You have no idea how many times I get asked this question! I do not have a girlfriend. I was raised in a family with all women and my father told me to treat women the way I would like my sisters to be treated. Yet, I haven't met anyone who even comes close to the caliber of my sisters!  That doesn't mean that I want to date my sisters -- it just means that I am familiar with a certain degree of class and, suffice to say, I have yet to meet that special lady. A mixture of the great Fabulous Moolah and my mom would be ideal.
OK, well that's all for now. Again, feel free to e-mail me all of your issues and together we shall solve the world's ills, one problem at a time.
Long you live and high you fly
and smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry
and all you touch and all you see
Is all your life will ever be. 
- Roger Waters, Pink Floyd

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