One helluva ride

One helluva ride

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." ~ Edmond Burke 

Hello, mates and mateys! This is your Host of Hosts and I'm writing you from Glasgow, Scotland. By the time you read this, I'll be in England continuing the global expansion of my congregation. I love it when I get to shine my light upon folks in different countries who aren't believers of YOUR Guiding Light. It's all worth it in my eyes, especially considering what I have to go through just to reach out to them.

Here's one example: I remember getting on the plane to fly to Detroit for ECW on Sci Fi. I usually like to sit by the window as it somehow allows me to feel comfortable in an "in my own space" type of way. As I go to sit down I see there's a woman in my seat. So, me being the gentlemen that I am, never said a word and went to another row that had a window seat available. I sat there and thought I was good to go. Then, it happened. Some little demon began kicking my seat. Again, I'm quite the gentleman as all of you know, so I tend to overlook things like that. But the little bastard (not to be confused with Hornswoggle) wouldn't stop kicking my seat.

This kid was like a washing machine; he really began to agitate me (R.I.P. Hawk)! So I politely turned and asked the mother who was sitting next to her little brat to have him stop kicking my seat because it was really bothering me. She replied, "I know, it's bothering me too." WHAT!? Are you kidding me? That's it?

The plane starts rolling down the runway to take off and I have this little jerk sitting behind me kicking my seat. So, I'm fuming now and decide that I'm gonna have to make the best of this situation. LIKE HELL I WILL. I'm the freaking Leader of the New Breed, and by New Breed I mean, "Future of Wrestling."

Once the plane takes off, the kid starts screaming to his mother, "Are we flying yet? Are we flying yet? I said are we flying yet?" This kid really needs to be cooled off a little. I get up now to get some protein powder out of my bag as the attendant gives me a bottle of water. Now, you know how hard it can be to mix a protein shake on the plane. Needless to say that as I was crossing over some people to get back to my window seat (with the little boy behind me being as loud and obnoxious as ever), the plane hits an air pocket. The top of my protein container comes off and my protein drink falls straight over the head of the Spawn of Satan! That should cool ‘em off! He needed a bath anyway; he smelled like a donkey's arse….and by donkey's arse, I mean Balls Mahoney! Just bloody horrendous!

So now, the boy is covered in what looks like pink puke, the mother is trying to clean him up and this big dude gets up from five rows back (who was holding another possible spawn child), and begins making his way toward us. Once at my seat, the man looks at me and says…

Check back next week for the conclusion of "One helluva ride."

Questions, comments, concerns?
Reach out to YOUR Black Pope at

WWE Shows Latest Results

View all Shows