Being Mike Adamle

Being Mike Adamle

"Character is like a tree and reputation is like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing." -- Abraham Lincoln

Today YOUR Guiding Light has no choice but to shine my light down on another unhappy, troubled soul -- Mike Adamle. Welcome to my world, the world of sports-entertainment, Michael. A world where 80-year-old women deliver bronco busters and leprechauns do tadpole splashes. My point is, this isn't that other show that you once announced for. This calls for a lot more from a commentator, including insight on matches and background of the athletes … especially their names.

You've received a ton of criticism lately, but be ye not weary, my friend. I know your character and I know how determined you are to succeed in your new position. I know you love new challenges, so instead of walking off, my friend, do this … BE YOU!

We as people are always hesitant to change. A lot are afraid of change. To you I say, "Damn the shadow, I know the Tree."

Wow, so I'm over in London after eating breakfast and I'm flipping through the channels to find something to sustain me at the moment and what do I come across? It's a talk show that's a cross between Jerry Springer and the "You are NOT the father" Maury Povich Show! Listen, this show was so hilarious; to hear these folks argue and swear at one another in proper English was nothing short of entertaining. My favorite part of this show was when the host told this one woman, who stated that her children's father head butted her, that next time she shouldn't fall in love after only three minutes (Did someone say, "THREE MINUTES?"), which caused the young man to stand up and demand that the woman get her stories straight.

Here he is, in his own words: "Why don't you bloody stop lying you little bloody winch? Get your bloody story to-bloody-gether. You know in bloody hell that you were bloody standing in front of me yapping your bloody yaps and I bloody pushed me bloody head forward telling you to get out of me bloody face." Ladies and gentlemen, my new finisher, the dreaded Head Push! These people were the equivalent to those godforsaken people in Biloxi, Miss. They almost made Kentuckians seem normal … Naaaaaaugh!!!!

I finally had an overseas flight that was almost without drama … almost! So I'm sitting in my own lil' space by the window and I noticed this woman across from me in the isle seat kept looking over at me periodically. I thought, oh no, is she checking me out? Well actually, she was but in an "I'm watching you" sort of way. Turns out her woman was sitting next to me and she felt threatened by our closeness. Seriously, these two women were so hideous that if you mixed them with a certain ECW Original who is no longer with the company, we'd have a three-headed monster so harmful to the eyes that Godzilla would have no choice but to retreat back into the sea! These women had more hair of their faces than I do on my head. Seriously, remember HLA? Replace "Hot" with "Hideous!"

What's the big fuss over the Olympic Torch? You know what? I really don't wanna know as I‘m not one to get involved in politics. (Go Hillary!!) But I will say this: why haven't they come to my city with the torch? For the two and a half decades that I can remember living in Jacksonville, Fla., not one time did they run that torch through my neighborhood. Granted, if they did come through my neighborhood, they would have to be in a bulletproof armored vehicle going 65 mph, but still, give us something! At least let one of the guys run from one end of the corner to the next with a lit match in his hand. We won't complain.

Are any of you as excited as I am about the return of the Red Rooster to the WWE? Yeah, I heard he's hosting this new two-minute show called the Dork Sheet? WOW! All he need is a zombie to host the show with him and it's sure to be an exclusive. What's that? He hosts the show with John Morrison? Close enough! The Black Pope Has Spoken!!!!

In need of Enlightenment? Contact YOUR Black Pope at

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