"Barack says!"

"Barack says!"

"What's causing all this?" --  "Nature Boy" Ric Flair, 1996

OK, let's see where to start this week. Man, so much has happened since last week and I really have no idea where to start, but have no fear, YOUR Guiding Light is here! I will, however, start this by letting it be known that my thoughts and prayers are with my fellow colleague, J.H. I know that he's a very resilient individual and he will bounce back from these series of unfortunate events.

Last week, I was in Biloxi, Miss., for ECW on Sci Fi and man, what a place! I tell you what; it's not my choice of destination for a vacation, that's for sure! I swear this place is almost comparable to Kentucky. It's not Biloxi's fault though; I hold myself responsible for not initiating the first-ever Biloxi's Z-TIP (Zero Tolerance Inbreed Policy) program.

I called a cab to take me to the airport to catch my flight out of Biloxi. Now, the airport is only a 15 to 20 minute drive from my pick-up location. So, it's like five minutes til 6 p.m. and I walk out of the hotel to enter the cab. As I entered the cab (van) I noticed this atrocious smell in the vehicle. The lady, after noticing the grimace on my face, immediately apologized for not removing her cat's litter box. Are you kidding me? I look in the backseat of the cab and there it was in all of its glory: A poop-filled litter box.

Now, normally I would've objected to a cab that had a litter box filled with poop, cat hair everywhere and a young "old" lady that looks like one of the infamous characters from The Tracy Ullman Show. (For you Simpsons lovers, that'll be the show in which the Simpsons first appeared as an animation short.) But I needed to make it to the airport by 6:30 p.m. if I wanted to make my flight. So, of course, I got in the front seat and off we went.

While riding, I noticed that we were headed down Beach Blvd. and "Hey look, there's the arena in which I wrestled last night." WTH? "Uh, ma'am, where are we going and why didn't we take the expressway which was a faster route?" I asked. Her reply was simply, "It's not far, not far at all." I couldn't believe it. Seriously! I asked that same question -- 15 minutes later -- and got the exact same response.

Question: Why in the world did we take a loop around Biloxi to get to the airport? Answer: Because this cab driver, who drove no more than 35 miles per hour, is afraid of driving on the highway. (Did I mention that we were held up by a railroad crossing? I swear this lady was about one French fry shy of a Happy Meal!)

My point, people, is this: Find somewhere to work that you're happy and comfortable with. If you're gonna be a pilot, you can't be afraid of turbulence or flying over water. If you're gonna be a dentist, you can't be afraid of people with teeth that are comparable to good ol' Balls Mahoney's. If you're gonna be a senator, you can't be afraid of beautiful women wearing a number waiting for you to call and pleasure you beyond your wildest dreams … ouch!

Speaking of senators, Sen. Barack Obama has fallen under fire yet again for things beyond his control. The funny part is that the media in the end will only be helping my homie Barack. They don't realize that any time they try to use the media to influence/discredit folks; it only causes one to support those that they ridicule -- especially when this guy is like "The Rock" of politics, representing a new era!

Just take a look at Bill Clinton who I consider the Hulk Hogan of politics because of his trendsetting ways (let‘s face it people, this man brought sex back into the White House, lol.) Here's a guy whom the media attacked before, during and after his presidency only to have his approval rating skyrocket through the roof. Well, with that being said, I have a feeling that at the end of this election year, Barack will have a celebration song aptly called, "Barack Says!"

The Black Pope has spoken!

Questions, comments and/or concerns? Contact the Black Pope at ECWHOH@yahoo.com.

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