I hate cheaters
In this new ECW.com exclusive feature, Elijah Burke shares with you a unique experience, the "Elijah Experience." Be sure to check back each week for the latest entry from Elijah.
Is it me, or does it seems that the rules to a man-to-man fight have somehow changed? Actually, the rules haven't changed; it's been unfair for quite awhile, which is why in this edition of the Experience, YOUR host of hosts and YOUR guiding light is here to shine some light on this issue.
Now, since many of you have probably never been in a fight (and if you were, you'd more than likely got your butt kicked), I'll use an example of something that you all can relate to: cartoons.
First, let's take a look at one of the greatest cartoon feuds of all time: Popeye vs. Bluto! There you have two men who believed that somehow a stick creature named Olive Oyl was the most beautiful woman they've ever seen (personally, I thought the Sea Hag looked much better). Being the men that they were, they would often fight for Olive Oyl's affection. In the end, after eating spinach that gives him superhuman strength ("advantage"), Popeye always defeated Bluto.
Then there's He-Man vs. Skeletor. You have the good 'ol pretty boy savior of Castle Grayskull vs. the crafty sorcerer. Let's face it, if you're going to a swordfight then bring a sword. But why bring a sword full of magic power that gives you a decisive "advantage" in what is supposed to be a man-to-man fight? Where's the respect for the elderly? Skeletor had to be at least eight centuries old, but you all cheered He-Man as he beat, battered and disrespected a senior citizen.
Last but not least (and this one really ticks me off), Road Runner vs. Wile E. Coyote. Nuff said!
Do you see the trend here? I'm sure all of you lower life morons cheer for whom you perceive to be the "good guys" during these classic feuds, but they're actually not good at all. They're all cheaters who needed an advantage to win. I HATE cheaters, including your real-life Popeye/He-Man, the ECW icon Sandman.
Sandman is no different from any of the above mentioned "good guys." Good guys are supposed to overcome the odds, not create them. Here's a guy that always wants to fight, but doesn't believe in fighting fair. Why bring a Singapore Cane to a fistfight? I know why; to have an "advantage." All of you support this drunk as he staggers through the crowd and into the ring, where he places the very existence of humanity in danger. Cane or no cane, Sandman can't measure up to the Elijah Experience and he knows that.
Sandman is a cheater who fears YOUR "Paragon of Virtue" and knows that he's one experience away from being knocked completely sober… forever!
Editor's note: Don't agree with me? Send me your thoughts, comments and questions to ECWHOH@yahoo.com. Next week, in this column, YOUR "Paragon of Virtue" responds publicly to your emails!