In this brand-new ECW.com exclusive feature, Elijah Burke shares with you a unique experience, the "Elijah Experience." Be sure to check back each week for the latest entry from Elijah.

YOUR host of hosts and YOUR guiding light has returned once again to give you all an "Experience" you'll never forget. It's bad enough that YOUR "Paragon of Virtue" is battling an ear infection that has reduced the hearing in his right ear by 70 percent, but he also has to deal with the stupidity of humanity!
 
Case in Point: Recently at an airport, I had an hour-and-a-half layover while awaiting my connecting flight. Usually during these times I'm researching ways to protect the natural habitat of the Loch Ness Monster or working on my Z-TIP (Zero Tolerance Inbred Policy) for the state of Kentucky!
 
However, this time I allowed a lower life form to communicate with me. While speaking with this dastardly creature, I asked of her plans for the upcoming holiday on Jan. 15 to which she replied, "What holiday?" I told her that is was the King's Birthday. She then stated, "Oh, I didn't know it was Elvis's birthday, or do you mean Jerry ‘The King' Lawler?"
 
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? How could anyone living in the United States of America not know his or her history? How could anyone not know about the "Dream?" I know that with all the different types of dreams, it can sometimes be a lil' tricky, so I'll explain the differences right now.
 
Dreamer: A dreamer is someone who envisions himself to be at a certain point in life, but never quite gets there. He then realizes his calling in life and accepts it, even if it comes with a great amount of pain and punishment. Dreamers come in all forms of Tommys, Janes and Harrys.
 
The American Dream: To some, the American Dream is being raised by a plumber on a dusty ranch in Texas. To others, it's just being able to live in a free world.
 
But there's only one dream realized that the whole world should be aware of (obviously some are not) and rightfully observed as a national holiday, and that's the dream of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Dr. King was indeed a "Dreamer." He didn't get to see the results of his hard work, pain and punishment that he endured, but we all reaped the benefits. Dr.King dreamed the American Dream, which was for all to live in a world full of peace, harmony and equal rights.
 
Thanks to Dr.King, I can write this message and tell all of you lower life morons who aren't aware of the impact that this great civil rights leader had on this country to invest in the history version of Hooked on Phonics. This way, you can quickly learn of that which those who have spawned you into this world should have taught you, because if you're not aware of your history, you'll be doomed to repeat it!  Take my word for it; if Elijah said it, it shall be done!

Editor's note: Since communicating with the above-mentioned alien, I've realized that many of you are in need of my guidance.

So, therefore, you can direct all of your questions and comments to ECWHOH@yahoo.com. One e-mail will be answered in my column every other week.