Punk Will 'Experience' My Wrath
"Enough is enough and it's time for a change!"- Owen Hart, 1997
Today, your Host of Hosts writes you from England. As I mentioned before, I'm on a worldwide crusade to expand my congregation, and I intend on doing just that.
Speaking of expanding, I'm sure all in my congregation were very pleased about the latest acquisition into my New Breed, CM Punk. Here's someone that is young, athletic, and has a ton of potential to be a huge star in this business -- with the New Breed's help, of course. Just think, had he joined the New Breed during the weeks leading up to WrestleMania 23, he would have walked in a challenger and walked out as Mr. Money in the Bank.
However, as evident by Punk's recent actions on ECW on Sci Fi, it's my duty to inform my congregation that someone has hell to pay, and that someone is CM Punk!
Here's someone who isn't good at taking orders and following rules. How dare that overzealous moron come into my house, my castle, and try to take over. I took him in when no one else wanted to. My New Breed praised him while others looked down upon him. Punk finally had received something that he's never had before: a family! And what did he do? He flushed it all down the toilet just because he didn't know how to fall in line.
Punk has been crying out for attention for years, and no one has stepped up to the plate and reached out to his poor disturbed soul except ME! There's a reason that boy has painted his body full of nonsense. There's a reason behind all those piercings on his body. It's a way for him to ease the pain, the pain of wanting to be accepted. He could've had that with the New Breed, where we all come from different walks of life and understand what it feels like to be different.The New Breed is exactly what our name says -- new! Tradition is fine. Original is fine. But "straightedge"? Gimmie a break!
Like a great man stated," Enough is enough, and it's time for a change!" CM has proven to me that he really is a PUNK! He will feel the wrath of the New Breed just like the ECW Originals have, and I will personally give him an "Experience" that he will never forget! Take my word for it: If Elijah said it, it shall be done!
Many of you may not know where the above-mentioned term originated, so I'll give you a quick history lesson. There was once a little fat kid who started middle school wearing a T-shirt and jeans. After being picked on by his peers for being fat (and ugly), he decided to wear that same outfit for 40 days and 40 nights without changing or showering. His hygiene fell to an all-time low and he reeked terribly.
The boy's jeans morphed from high-water pants into daisy dukes. His twin sister grew very concerned and tried to convince the boy to get his act together. The boy scolded his sister for trying to help. Shocked, the sister then superkicked the boy in the mouth, causing him to lose some off his teeth. She then said, "Enough is enough, and it's time for a change!" Needless to say, two years removed from that very day, Balls Mahoney still hasn't taken her advice. Just bloody awful!
Well, now its time for Face 2 Face, so let's get right to it:
Antonio writes: "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Stop the press! Hold the phone! Time out! Say it ain't so! Did i just read my paragon of virtue, my guiding light, my host of hosts give the biggest LLM that has ever walked God's green Earth Al Sharpton praise?!"
ECWHOH replies: While Mr.Sharpton is a very politically outspoken, he's still a civil rights advocate for people of all races as evident by his actions and support of all the Katrina victims. I'd rather have an outspoken Sharpton any day over someone who sits back and says absolutely nothing.
Sickboy187 writes: "Hi Elijah, I was just wondering why you always have to make fun of Balls Mahoney every week? Do you hate him the most out of the other ECW originals and if so why?"
ECWHOH replies: Who?
Questions, comments and/or concerns? Reach out to your Paragon of Virtue at ECWHOH@yahoo.com and go Face 2 Face next week as your questions are answered in this very column!