Italian Job

Italian Job

Today, YOUR Host of Host writes to you from Italy. That's right. YOUR Guiding Light is once again shining his light upon a "new breed" of audience in an effort to expand his congregation; first England, then Mexico and now, Italy. Just think about it, after a while the New Breed will conquer the world (insert evil laugh)!

However, we do have just one little problemo. In order to reach out to Italians you must first dress the part, for the upper echelon at least, which has been somewhat of a task for me. Why, you ask? Well, let's just say that I'm halfway across the world without any of my stylish threads.

Upon flying to Italy, the airline carrier, whose name I won't mention (lets just say I feel like I'm down in the delta), chose not to transport my luggage without informing me. This really put a twist on my first tour of Italy. I should note that I went to all of the Italian stores in every major city here, but their clothing stores are not up to my standards. Their clothes look as if they were designed by someone without any class, standards or sense of style. Someone like Balls Mahoney! Just gawd awful!!

Since I've been in Italy I will say that watching TV is not an option me. Ever tried watching Italian TV? Trust me; it'll make your head spin. Thankfully CNN Japan was on; and what was the top story on CNN Japan? Don Imus! I know many of you have been e-mailing me and wanting my views on this controversial issue. Well be careful what you ask for, because now it's time for me to give my two cents on this whole 'thang'.

Ok, Imus has been around for what, at least two-hundred years, right? We all know that when you've done something for so long and have been so good at it, those in charge sometimes give you a little leeway to push the envelope, as Imus did. And yes, I know he was Grandpa's father on the Munster's (have you seen those eyebrows?) and has been going to Pizza Hut since it was a tent, but that does not give him the right to say such derogatory comments to the Rutgers women's basketball team. Is he a racist? Who knows, but his remarks were certainly that of bigotry! Was it entertaining? No! Was it humorous? Well, if you count the little Caucasian girl who took the podium and stated that she didn't deserve to be called "nappy- headed," yes, but other than that, of course not!

Here's my biggest problem with the Imus controversy; If what he said was so offensive (which we all can agree that it was) and so degrading to the African-American community, then why would the media continue to force feed this story to everyone on a daily basis? Ratings!? Everybody wants their piece of the pie, but they're all forgetting that there's a little black girl sitting at home in front of her television suffering with a complex now because of those remarks; wondering whether or not she's beautiful. Wondering to herself what her worth is. Wondering if she can grow up to be Miss USA now because of those remarks. These are the important things that are overlooked.

Don Imus has since apologized for his remarks, and has been relieved of his broadcasting duties on both TV and radio. Don has personally apologized to the Rutgers women's basketball team, and made it known to the world that he regrets making such horrible remarks toward the women of Rutgers. Well, if Imus really wants to make a statement and show how regretful he is, I suggest he take some of that 10 million dollar a year salary that he was earning and donate it to the Rutgers women's basketball team or UNCF. In case you don't know what that is, it's the United Negro College Fund. Hell, I'm just as offended, send me some too! Will that make up for his actions? Nope. But it will be a great start!

However, I do have something else in mind for Mr. Imus that would personally make me feel a whole lot better. How about a match between Don Imus and someone who knows what it feels like to be called "nappy headed"…ME! It would be a dream match, MY dream match. We set the match up at ECW's One Night Stand, which will be in my hometown of Jacksonville, Fla. We'll bring in the Rutgers women's basketball eam and have them surround the ring as Lumberjacks/Jills. The special timekeeper will be my homeboy, Flavor Flav (There's no way he'll lose track of time). The guest ring announcer will be my dear friend Hillary Clinton. Serving as commentators will be the highly esteemed Rev. Al Sharpton, with color commentator Howard Stern. And finally, the trouble-shooting referee for this match will be none other than Samuel L. Jackson. Just to make this fair, as YOUR Paragon of Virtue always like a fair fight, my New Breed will be barred from ringside. But don't worry, I'll have a wild card (not that I'll need one), Gary Coleman will be under the ring.

Questions, comments and/or concerns? Reach out to your Paragon of Virtue at and go Face 2 Face next week as your questions are answered in this very column!

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