Hola! For you LLMs that have no understanding of what that means, I'm simply saying, "Greetings" in Spanish! As many of you know by now, your Host of Hosts was recently in Mexico allowing a whole new congregation to become a part of the Elijah Experience. This was the first time that I crossed the border, and I must tell you that I couldn't wait to return to the good ‘ol United States of America. Wait! Is Bush still the President? In that case I may be better off staying over here a lil' longer.
(Editor's Note: This portion of the Experience was written during Elijah's stay in Mexico.)
So, here I am in Mexico City. Gee, what a mess! I now understand why JBL blasted this place. It‘s really hot and stuffy over here too, but that didn't stop me from going out to view this dastardly place since I had some free time on my hands. I thought that maybe I'd come across something of interest that I could bring back to the states with me, but unfortunately YOUR Guiding Light couldn't stay outside too long because the sun was beaming down hard upon his wisdom beads. And, did I mention it's really hot?
Thankfully I was able to be shielded from the rays of sunlight by the massive back of fellow New Breeder Marcus Cor Von. I mean c'mon. The sun and I really don't get along, can't you tell? Maybe I could use a touch up, but truth be told, I stopped sun tanning years ago. Maybe I'll use the spray on, that seems to work for most folks. I heard the Originals had a plan as well to combat the sun. Each ECW Original stood behind the "Innovative Human Solar Eclipse" known as Tommy Dreamer!
At one point, I was standing alone minding my business when I overheard people screaming, "he liar, he liar!" I'm like, "What's going on? Who's the liar?" Then all of a sudden some dude came up and stood next to me saying, "He liar, please sir. Picture he liar." (Did I mention that he had already placed his arm around my shoulder and struck a pose?)
Oh, so now I get it. They're referring to me as "he liar." Now everyone knows that YOUR Paragon of Virtue is far from a liar. So what do I say to this guy and the growing crowd of Mexican jumping beans? I don't speak much Mexican but thankfully I'm fluent in sign language. I simply raised my right hand and gestured to him that he was number one and continued my journey.
I've seen a lot of things over here in Mexico. Some good and some not too pleasing to the eye. For example, looking at the scenery in Chihuahua, Mexico is just a sight to behold. Words can't explain how I felt standing over a high rise pool overlooking the city of Chihuahua Mexico. It was really a beautiful site. The not so pleasing site was going to the local carnival and seeing all of these rejected circus animals that are barely fed, out of shape and smelling like Balls' Mah---Wait! That is Ball's Mahoney! What is he doing here, and why does he have two huge humps on his back? Poor thang, not one kid wanted to ride'em either.
One thing that bothers me is the fact that I have not seen one dog. Speaking of dogs, where are all the Chihuahuas? I'm assuming this is the place that they originated from, right? I guess the little bastards made a run for the border. I don't blame them; I think they saw a Chinese Restaurant.
My tour of Mexico is now coming to an end. First thing on my list upon my return to the states is to rally up the New Breed as we prepare for war at WrestleMania 23. This will be the biggest showdown ever in the history of sports-entertainment on the "Biggest Stage of Them All." What better place for the New Breed to claim dominance and lead ECW into the future than at WrestleMania?
The New Breed will unleash a whole new era of violence and destruction at WrestleMania. I can assure you that I will lead the charge and each ECW Original will bow down and recognize who I am and what I am. I'm not only the future of ECW, I'm the future of wrestling, and I say the future is now! Take my word for it. If Elijah said it, It Shall Be Done!
Questions, comments and/or concerns? Reach out to your Paragon of Virtue at ECWHOH@yahoo.com and go Fac6e 2 Face next week as your questions are answered in this very column!