An Extreme Look at Black History Month

An Extreme Look at Black History Month

Let's see, where do I start today? Well, obviously since it's still Black History Month -- although it's rapidly approaching an end -- I think I'll just pick up where I left off.

Isn't it funny that the shortest month of the year, which is Black History Month, has to be shared with President's Day? Did you know that a quarter of the presidents our country honors on President's Day supported slavery? I think it's a slap in the face of all African-Americans when this country celebrates such a past, especially during the month that's supposed to be dedicated towards Black History. Now, some of you will say that's just a coincidence, but not I. I say to hell with 'em and President's Day!

There are even more things about this so called "special month" for African-Americans that YOUR Host of Hosts and YOUR Guiding Light needs to shine his light upon. Obviously, racism still exists in your vile world. And for you LLMs (if you don't know what that means by now, it's because you are one) who don't realize it, it's probably because you condone it. Now, what I'm going to do today is give you another example of racial stereotyping that YOUR Paragon of Virtue had to deal with lately.

Recently, I was in Seattle shopping in a shoe store when all of a sudden a non-African-American female sales rep (who was very attractive by the way) comes up to me and asks, "What size shoe do you wear?" I responded, "Size 12," to which she said, "OH MY!" I mean c'mon, are you kidding me? Is that the first thing non-African-American women think of when they see the "Experience" or any brotha? What about my smile or my physical prowess? What about my intelligence and my ability to carry myself like a gentleman? Am I just good looks? Am I just another African-American that fits a racial stereotype? Well, I guess it's a "hung" jury on that one.

How bout this one? So, I'm in Starbuck's enjoying my time, educating myself with the latest addition of Matt Striker's "Word of the Week," when all of a sudden a non-African-American female employee who appeared to be about 16 years of age comes over and asks me if I'd like some cream in my coffee. Obviously, she wanted my cookie in her cream. She was all smiles and very giggly as she stood in front of me. I just looked at her with disgust (I actually threw up in my mouth a little bit) and wondered how someone could have the body of Tommy Dreamer, the scars of Sabu, the intelligence of Sandman (but also actually be more coherent when he's drunk) and the face of Balls Mahoney (which is enough to make anyone gouge out their own eyes) dare ask me such a thing? But, after a second glance at her I thought to myself, "Oh my, wait a minute. Could she possibly be the love child of the ECW Originals?"  If you know of what went on inside that bingo hall, then you too know that it's highly possible.

In closing, I'd like to tell my congregation that due to YOUR Paragon of Virtue being under the weather, I will return next week with "Face 2 Face" in which I will publicly respond to your emails. I just haven't had time to check them all. My doctor suggested I stand next to Balls Mahoney for 10 seconds and wait for my nose to open up completely.

I'm currently in New Zealand as I write this. I realized that although I have the sniffles, the LLMs here need my light shined upon them as well. Actually, after seeing the women and kids here, I've completely turned off my light for the remainder of the tour. This place is more like New Zooland. Gawd, awful it is.

Editor's note: Questions, comments or in need of light? Contact your Paragon of Virtue at Your e-mails may be responded to publicly next week in this column.

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