The cards tell an interesting story. For this week, my man Kevin Thorn was robbed. Stolen from. A stake driven through his vampiric heart by the Suicidal, Homicidal, Genocidal Sabu.

Oh, we've dealt with loss before. But this loss cost us a chance at the Extreme Elimination Chamber where six blood-thirsty competitors will vie for the chance to become the ECW World Champion. And I don't like the fact that my man was taken out of that position. So, permit me to tell you that the cards read like this.

There is a curse on the Extreme Elimination Chamber. A very bad curse in which whoever enters will see their life change dramatically. For Kevin Thorn belonged in that chamber. The title should be around his waist and those who oppose me living out my dream shall be condemned to a nightmare future. But don't blame me for being a nay-saying soothsayer. Blame the cards, for they don't lie.

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