This week, the cards tell a most stimulating story of success. They tell the story of who will bear the red rose in the war of 30 men at Royal Rumble.

When the 30 Superstars clash, blood will run cold with a title opportunity at stake. Twenty-nine black roses will carpet the earth surrounding the field of battle with their lifeless carcasses. One red rose will remain in tact -- and that rose is none other than my Kevin Thorn.

The cards have long foretold that the vampire would emerge as king in the Land of the Extreme. This week, the cards reveal that time is now.

When 30 men go to war, 29 black roses will be crushed, but the red rose will hold the key to a future paved in gold. Kevin Thorn: the sole survivor of the Royal Rumble Match in the 2007th year.

Don't thank me for bringing you this tale of prosperity. Thank the cards, for they tell all.