J.R.'s Superstar of the Week - Jonathan Coachman

Each week on WWE.com, based on the events seen on RAW, Jim Ross will give his opinion on which Superstar he thought was the RAW Superstar of the Week:
It was another perplexing conundrum this week determining the Raw Superstar of the Week using only my wits and wisdom carefully refined over many years in the biz of sports-entertainment. This week’s winner competed in the main event Monday night. He also wore neat threads, bought me a drink after the show and is the son of a preacher-man. The winner of the much anticipated and coveted Raw Superstar of the Week award who will receive lovely parting gifts and perhaps even some delicious J.R.’s BBQ Sauce is…..Jonathan Coachman! I will attempt to talk my way out of this one in mere moments if you keep reading or immediately if you decide to scroll to the end of the page now. Pick your poison.

Raw was a mixed bag of “infotainment” Monday night, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There was lots of information disseminated regarding Cyber Sunday and a fair amount of talk on the show as well. The in ring action wasn’t the thrust of the show in my opinion, even though some of the in ring activities I saw from ringside I liked. My opinion still counts in this space until someone gets P.O.’Ed at which time it won’t hold water.

Does it really matter who is the official at the DX vs. Orton/Edge match at Cyber Sunday? (Vote) Does DX really have a chance with the deck so obviously stacked against them? To hear Edge and Orton tell it, no, DX is dead meat. By the way, if you see any sleeveless referee shirts laying around in the locker room area, one might assume that Mr. McMahon could be leading the voting for 3rd or 5th man in case of an all out brawl during this tag team match up. How secure are those ballot boxes anyway? We don’t need any “hanging chads” issues within the WWE.

It will be interesting to see who faces Jeff Hardy at Cyber Sunday. (Vote) I am voting for Shelton Benjamin for no particular reason other than I would love to see Benjamin and Hardy light it up on Sunday night. Benjamin would definitely bring his “A” game to Cincy. That’s just my opinion, but this IS my column. Please do not allow my openness to influence your voting. But just like in eastern Oklahoma, vote, and vote often.

Todd Grisham showed some robust Spaulding’s Monday night when rebutting John Cena. You should hear Grisham do the late, great sportscaster “Harry Carey” especially when he has had a cocktail. It’s hilarious. But that’s beside the point. What was the point?

Hey, Maria did a much better job than I am sure many thought she would do against Lita. I was proud of Maria’s effort and her choice of ring attire.

I think Lita may have been having the dreaded PMS moment when she sarcastically insinuated that she/Lita (one can use pronouns only so much) would be the next women’s Champion. Mickie acted normal Monday night which sort of surprised me. I guess the medication is working.

HHH used his sledgehammer to dodge a bullet Monday night with HBK not on the premises. This tag team main event should be really strong in Cincy on Sunday featuring DX vs. Edge/Orton (earlier I used Orton/Edge so this time, to be fair and impartial; I changed it around as to not offend any potentially sensitive souls who may be reading this tomb.) I do think it is much more important for DX’s opponents to win this match than it is for DX to come out on top as DX has zero to prove. The younger adversaries have everything to prove as a unit. The pressure is on Edge and Randy Orton.

Eugene really messed the bed Monday night hovering in the corner like a scared rabbit while his partner Hacksaw Jim Duggan got hammered by the undefeated Umaga. What’s up with Eugene anyway? Perhaps we should ask his Uncle Eric.

I loved the stuff with Flair and Friends Monday night. Ric sort of guaranteed a World Tag Title victory Sunday on pay-per-view but who will be Flair’s partner? My guess would be Dusty Rhodes. Even as old as I am, (no smart remarks please) I have never seen Flair and Rhodes as tag partners even though I thought I had seen it all. I do feel sorry for the Spirit Squad though because none of them were born with last names.

Are you down with Cryme Tyme?? I thought so Dogg! I am diligently working on my “hipness.”

Oh, by the way, big Vis was wearing a new pair of gargantuan, silk P.J.’s Monday night. I know….. I am paid to notice stuff like that.

Someone take King Booker’s “Red Bull” away from him or there will need to be an intervention! I have seen only a selected few who could talk longer, louder and say less in a faux British accent than his “royal highness” did Monday night at the announcer’s table. Can you imagine what would it be like with the Smackdown kingpin on a long car trip?! Poor Sharmell, er, I mean “Queen” Sharmell.

By the way, simply sitting “this close” to The Big Show is just a little scary. That is one big homeboy…..God, I just channeled Cryme Tyme. Word.

John Cena made quick work of the Raw Superstar of the Week but this award is not predicated on who hangs around the ring the longest. It is not predicated on who wins or loses. It is not predicated on who wears the spiffiest attire. (I just had a senior moment. What IS this award based on?)

(Note to self….self, it is based on your opinion and your wealth of knowledge as the most experienced broadcaster in all of sports entertainment.) With that matter clarified, I hereby anoint Jonathan Coachman as the Raw Superstar of the Week. Given his pointed succinctness regarding his in-ring remarks early in the evening, for not doing number 1 or number 2 in his nice suit when he found out he was a “candidate”, and for being smart enough to walk away from Ron Simmons and not write a check his backside could not cash. For surviving the evening under the scrutiny of his Boss and for not being hospitalized after a physical ordeal with WWE Champ John Cena, Jonathan Coachman is this week’s Raw Superstar of the Week.

I have to go now as it is time for my medication.

Hopefully, I will see you in Cincinnati this Sunday on PPV or at the Montgomery Inn in Cincy where they make really good BBQ.

I’m still trying to figure out how I am going to get from College Station, Texas Saturday night to Cincinnati, Ohio after the Sooners take on the Aggies of Texas A&M. Ah, the complexities of life.

Boomer Sooner!


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