J.R.'s Superstars of the Week - Shelton Benjamin & Beth Phoenix
Greetings from under the 200X, black Resistol hat from your resident Okie, who smells the "Q" in Norman, Okla., while preparing to hit the road this week to visit the WWE TV Studios and then on to Boulder, Colo., for the Oklahoma-Colorado college football game this Saturday on Fox Sports Net. Then it will be a change of clothes and perhaps a nap before flying to Cleveland for next Monday's Raw, which is shaping up to be an unpredictable and combustive night on USA Network. Whew!
This week's panel of wrestling experts, who normally meet in a tavern outside the city limits of Parts Unknown to make the selection of Raw Superstar of the Week, have spoken. This week's panel consisting of Dandy Jack Donovan and Verne Bottoms, The Elephant Boy and The Fabulous Moolah, The Missing Link and Dark Journey, Jimmy Garvin and Precious, Chris Adams and Sunshine, and the Bodydonnas and Sunny have selected the dynamic duo … the powerful pair (wouldn't their children be beautiful?) of Shelton "The Natural" Benjamin and the Glamazon, Beth Phoenix, as this week's Raw Superstars of the Week.
The uber-athletically-talented Benjamin, a former All-American in both wrestling and track, he ran a 4.3 in the 40-yard dash (if you are a data nerd), and the dangerously delicious powerhouse, Beth Phoenix, joined forces Monday night to defeat two champions in a Mixed Tag Match. Intercontinental Champion Jeff Hardy, who is getting rock star receptions at arenas all over the world, and Women's Champion Candice Michelle, who did not experience the homecoming in Milwaukee that I am certain she would have wanted, fell victim to the Glamazon and Benjamin, who both are on the title trail for the Women's and Intercontinental Titles, respectively. I would be willing to make a friendly wager of a bottle of J.R.'s Bar-B-Q Sauce, available at www.jrsbarbq.com (gratuitous plug), that one or both the challengers accomplish their goal much sooner than later.
It was a very complex night in Milwaukee for Acting Raw General Manager Jonathan Coachman, who made it clear he wants to be the full-time GM, despite the fact that William Regal is returning to Raw perhaps as early as this Monday in Cleveland. Plus, Coachman seemingly got outsmarted by Hornswoggle McMahon, and was abruptly introduced to a table by WWE Champion John Cena just as Raw was going off the air Monday night. Will Coachman get the nod over Regal for the Raw GM job next Monday? Can Coachman say "table for two"? Will Mr. McMahon pit Coachman vs. Regal in some perverse competition to see who can be the most politically-destructive, much like the American political scene?
That Melina is one cunning Diva, to be kind, as she made a dubious deal with Coachman to placate and entertain "Hornyswoggle" in exchange for a Women's Title Match against Candice Michelle. I know the Women's Championship is a coveted one, but compromising one's character to get an opportunity at it may be another matter altogether. What? Melina has no character? Oh, yeah I had forgotten about Melina's foray with Mr. McMahon around the Fourth of July. At least she is keeping it all in the family, so to speak. Melina at times can make Paris, Britney and Nicole seem like good girls.
By the way, I spent a couple of days hanging out with "Stone Cold" Steve Austin last weekend, and he is not overwhelmed with Santino Marella's not-so-subtle DVD reviews and caustic critiques of The Condemned. If Stone Cold, who dined at J.R.'s Family Bar-B-Q Restaurant on Sunday, is ever within walking distance of the "Italian Stallion," Santino should run like a scalded dog.
Hardcore Holly returned to Raw (don't ask him how he got there from SmackDown -- most likely by car), and looked tougher than a $2 steak while defeating Cody Rhodes. Holly is totally "old school," and is one of the more physical men in WWE. Nonetheless, I am encouraged by Rhodes' upside" and wouldn't be surprised to see the son of the "American Dream" challenge Holly to a return match, perhaps as early as this Monday. I wonder what Dusty thinks of his son's dealings with the veteran Holly. I wonder if Holly gives a damn what the Dream thinks or feels.
Are you curious as to how Randy "Oh, how I love a full-length mirror" Orton's wrist is after being slapped on it with his big-time "indefinite" (wink-wink) suspension by Coachman? Nice job, "Scooter" Libby.
How much longer can the unlikely relationship between Maria and Santino Marella last? Santino obviously "out-punted his coverage" when he hooked up with the lovely Maria, who seems to have nothing in common with the former Intercontinental Champion.
Did Jillian Hall get stung on the lips by a bee or what? Good grief!!
Well, so much for Triple H's winning streak since returning from quad surgery at SummerSlam. I have a feeling that this Monday's one-on-one bout between the WWE Chairman and The Game will be more perplexing than perhaps perceived at first glance. With a level playing field, Triple H should have no problems dispatching Mr. McMahon in a one-on-one match. But do you really think that this match will be contested on a level playing field??
What in the hell is up with The Highlanders? Attacking Paul London & Brian Kendrick and allowing World Tag Team Champions Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch a free pass was a stunning development. Rory & Robbie have some explaining to do, it would seem. While we are on the subject of the kilt-wearing duo, what in the Sam Hill was the meaning of Murdoch's reaction to the exposed buttocks of the cousins from Scotland? I know that there is an easy Brokeback Mountain reference, not that there is anything wrong with that, but I was thinking more along the lines of the classic movie Deliverance. Let's just let that visual go on about its business and leave our memory banks forever … not that there is anything wrong with that.
Are you voting on the 2007 WWE Diva Search? You should check it out here on WWE.com before you go on about your business. Obviously, there are some hot, young women competing for the title, but I have also been impressed with the athletic abilities of these bodacious beauties. Did I just date myself with the inclusion of "athletic abilities" when discussing the Diva Search??
It would seem that this Monday's Raw from good, old Cleveland, home of Jerry "The King" Lawler's beloved Indians and our pal, slugger Travis Hafner, will be a raucous night. It will be the final Raw prior to No Mercy in Chicago on Oct. 7, which always seems to add a sense of urgency to the proceedings. I would suggest that some interesting days lie ahead in WWE, specifically on its flagship broadcast, Monday Night Raw. See you in Cleveland! Or Connecticut … or LaGuardia … or Boulder … or "around the campus."
Be sure to check out J.R.'s Family Bar-B-Q Restaurant at www.jrsbarbq.com.