J.R.'s Superstar of the Week - Jeff Hardy
Greetings from under the black, 200X Resistol hat from Norman, Okla., home of the Oklahoma Sooners and J.R.'s Family Bar-B-Q Restaurant as we prepare for the OU vs. Miami college football showdown Saturday on ABC, and we continue to ponder just who is Mr. McMahon's illegitimate child, which is a subject with more questions than answers.
For the record, I have invited The Rock to travel to Norman to watch his alma mater, "The U", battle OU on the gridiron this Saturday. But "The Great One's" schedule is a little overwhelming at the moment, and he will most likely have to settle for watching the game on TV from L.A. This Saturday's atmosphere with 85,000-plus on hand should be something special for anyone with a pulse, college football fan or not. Indeed someone will get the "Smack" laid down on their candied backsides this Saturday in one of the most anticipated games for yours truly in a long time. Can you smell the "Q" that ol' J.R. is cooking?
After convening at their normal meeting place just on the outskirts of Parts Unknown, ordering takeout from www.jrsbarbq.com, our esteemed panel of judges -- all, ironically, with a football background -- has made its decision as to this week's Raw Superstar of the Week. Our panel of former gridiron stars-turned-wrestlers included: Bronco Nagurski, Wayne Munn, Verne Gagne, Leo Nomellini, Wilbur Snyder, Dick "The Bruiser" Afflis, Ernie Ladd, Bill Watts, Wahoo McDaniel, Dory and Terry Funk, Tito Santana, Ted DiBiase, Tully Blanchard, Dusty Rhodes, Stan Hansen, Bruiser Brody, Joe Blanchard, Brian Pillman, JBL, Ron Simmons, Steve Austin, and The Rock himself. They have selected … Jeff Hardy, the NEW Intercontinental Champion, as Raw Superstar of the Week! Jeff will receive wonderful parting gifts including J.R.'s Original Beef Jerky, an autographed copy of J.R.'s Cookbook, and lovely hair care products for "The Rainbow-haired Warrior."
One has to feel good for young Jeff Hardy for regaining the Intercontinental Championship, even if it was in a relatively unlikely manner. Taking advantage of bad breaks on one's opponent is smart wrestling. Umaga self-destructed when one leg went east, and the other went west, as the giant Samoan straddled the turnbuckle -- which meant his Intercontinental Championship went south. I used an Appalachian State reference, as they pulled off the upset of Michigan last Saturday, and Jeff also calls North Carolina home. I guess one had to be there.
Wrestlers making strategic errors in big matches are nothing new, and neither are some wrestlers making dunderhead mistakes outside the ring from time to time. Jeff Hardy's time is now, and let's hope he can stay free of any injuries, etc. and realize his potential as one of WWE's all-time best individual athletes.
Call me a pessimist, but I suspect Melina won't be invited any time soon to a McMahon family gathering. Much like Larry Birkhead and husky-voiced Rita Cosby won't be romantically linked in our lifetime, Melina is definitely a "witch-a-woman," and I would still love to see her step in the ring with Stephanie McMahon one of these days. By the way, what could Mr. McMahon have done in July with Melina that totally disgusted Raw GM William Regal when he heard the apparent kinky details Monday night on Raw? Upon further review, perhaps we don't need to know now that tidbit of info. I wonder if it's ever made the Playboy Advisor.
Speaking of Regal, ta-ta old chap, and get well soon. Keep a stiff upper lip once the swelling goes down.
Some might suggest that Santino Marella could be compared to a boil on the tailbone of life. Did you see Maria's expression when Santino alleged that he was "making a-love" to the lovely Diva? Maria's eyes said, "What in the hell are you talking about?!" Santino best beware when threatening Ron Simmons as well.
If it had been Beth Phoenix who groped country music superstar Tim McGraw's crotch recently at a concert, McGraw's lovely and talented wife, Faith Hill, would not be proclaiming that she would like to kick the alleged offender's derriere. Beth Phoenix, who would be perfect for the role of Big Marge the Prison Guard in any upcoming flicks about women in prison, is physically intimidating. And if Phoenix (if that is her real name) isn't the next Women's Champion, then Jerry "The King" Lawler doesn't like younger women, and ol' J.R. doesn't love barbecue.
John Cena's shocking actions of Monday night directed at GM Regal will no doubt not be overlooked by the big wheels on Raw. Jonathan (I'm not the guy on the Weather Channel, dammit!) Coachman is once again the Raw Acting General Manager, but his approval rating probably ranks with George W.'s. It will be most interesting to see what sanctions, if any, are enforced regarding Cena's assault of Regal, up to and including perhaps stripping Cena of the WWE Championship. I'm not advocating such, but it could happen, which would make all Cena-bashers as euphoric as spending the afternoon breathing nitrous oxide at the dentist's office.
Paul London & Brian Kendrick are now the No. 1 contenders for Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch's World Tag Team Championships. This speedy duo will get a championship opportunity at Unforgiven, coming up on pay-per-view in Memphis on Sept. 16. The London & Kendrick duo remind me of the Midnight Rockers and the Rock-n-Roll Express from back in the day.
Did anyone notice that Murdoch combed his hair Monday night just like Mr. McMahon combs his? You don't think …. Nah, it couldn't be.
Speaking of Cade & Murdoch, they remind me a little of the Texas Outlaws from WAY back in the day, the duo of Dusty Rhodes & Dick Murdoch, no relation to Trevor Murdoch. I love the classic teams that we all enjoy on WWE 24/7.
It is nice to see that Carlito is showing a benevolent side, and allowing the South Miami Beach Barber College (SMBBC) to cut his hair these days. Plus, it is even more admirable that he allowed a visually-impaired barber student to have the honors. Now, that's cool.
Why is Jillian Hall allowed to sing on Monday Night Raw? Is it some sort of cruel, inside joke being played on us? Whatever the perverse reasons for this assault on all people with some degree of hearing, can we get it to stop? Jillian singing on Raw makes about as much sense as Leona Helmsley leaving $12 million to her dog!!!
Does Mickie James remind anyone else of the "farmer's daughter"? Remember the episode of Seinfeld where Newman had a chance encounter with a farmer's daughter and ended up running from the farmhouse while being fired upon by the young woman's father? It is obvious that I have to start sleeping more and watching less TV.
No, Daivari wasn't lip syncing Monday night. His "singing" was real. Much like, why should I care how many more children Brad and Angelina are going to have, why should we care about Daivari's singing "talents"? Of course, I readily admit I am an "old schooler" and would rather see Daivari wrestle than do a song and dance number, but what do I know?? I did like the song and dance number on Young Frankenstein, done by the late Peter Boyle. Does that count, or am I still not hip? That's what I thought as well.
Man, did Umaga run a foul of Triple H Monday night and The King of King's "little friend," the sledgehammer! I suggest it will be quite some time before we see Umaga back on Raw after getting his brains scrambled in Columbus, Ohio.
Speaking of Columbus, the home of THE Ohio State University, it was nice seeing Ohio State football All-American linebacker James Laurinaitis, the son of Road Warrior Animal, in the locker room area before Raw. James is a fine kid and wears number 33 for the scarlet and grey. Expect to see James make some big bucks in the NFL someday. Plus, don't be surprised to see him follow the family tradition of entering the wrestling biz at some point in time, either.
Speaking of the NFL, without fail, Michael Vick will play again in "the league," but it will be after he spends time behind bars. I will not, and do not, condone what Vick did with the insidious dog fighting ring, but he will get a second chance specifically because he can run fast and throw a football far. I look for Vick to write a book about his experiences and donate the proceeds from it to the ASPCA or PETA.
Someday Carlito will have to deal with Triple H in a one-on-one environment. The Game will no doubt be heavily-favored, but Carlito is the type of athlete that is at his most dangerous when he is cornered. Could it be this Monday in GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN (I borrowed that from Mr. Kennedy) on Raw??
I love traveling to "Title Town," aka Green Bay, and walking around Lambeau Field, the home of the Green Bay Packers and where my old acquaintance from my Atlanta Falcon broadcasting days, Green Bay quarterback Brett Favre, has had a Hall of Fame career. I expect the Raw crew will draw a near capacity crowd in Green Bay this Monday, which will be fun, especially if the crowd is ready and willing to make some noise. No noise, no fun.
My congratulations to CM Punk for winning the ECW Title from John Morrison Tuesday night on ECW TV in one of the best one-on-one wrestling matches of the entire year. Both athletes should be commended for their effort and innovation inside the squared circle. I am a regular ECW TV viewer and thought that this week's show was a slobber-knocker.
So who is Mr. McMahon's illegitimate son? We will find out this Monday night in Green Bay. This should be a historic night, to say the least. Who do you think it is? The attorney's clue mentioned that, "Things are looking up". Does that mean looking up as in a tall person such as The Great Khali, Kane or perhaps even Undertaker? I honestly do not have a clue as to the identity of the McMahon offspring, but whoever it is can expect to have their life changed in a major way.
Indeed, interesting days lie ahead for the McMahons as "Dysfunctional Family Mania" continues Monday night in the home of another famous Vince … Lombardi.
Be well and thanks for all your e-mails and for visiting our barbecue Web site, www.jrsbarbq.com. See you Monday night live from Green Bay!