Greetings from under the black, 200X Resistol hat from your resident barbecue lovin' Okie, as we begin the serious countdown for SummerSlam, which is just about a week away. And I'm breathing a sigh of relief that Mr. McMahon cannot mathematically be my father. Whew.
 
From our crack staff who reside in or near "Parts Unknown," "The Black Hole," and, even a handful on "The Dark Side," we have contacted John Wayne, John Tenta, John Ayres, John Studd, John B. Layfield, Johnny Rougeau, Johnny Mae Young, Johnny Rodz, Johnny Ace, and John "The Three Legged Man" to select this week's coveted and highly anticipated Monday Night Raw Superstar of the Week. The voting was angry that day my friends -- like an old man sending back soup at a deli. Angry, I tell you! But a decision has been made as this week's Raw Superstar of the Week is Cody Rhodes … if you will.
 
It is always great to broadcast in Madison Square Garden, and no matter how many times I have had the privilege of visiting the hallowed halls of the World's Most Famous Arena, I always get goose bumps walking into the facility. There are few atmospheres like a sold-out Garden, as the New York City faithful know how to make noise and add emotion to a live event. My hat is off to the fans who attended Raw Monday night and who also got to hopefully enjoy the taping of Saturday Night's Main Event, the 90-minute show that will air this Saturday night on NBC. By the way, yours truly was on the three-man broadcast team of Michael Cole, who handled the play-by-play, JBL, and Tazz, for an ECW bout. It was a fun night at the broadcast table, and I hope you will check out Saturday Night's Main Event Saturday night at 11:30/10:30 CT on NBC.
 
Mr. McMahon has issues. Much like the myriad of issues that rapidly, flaming out star Britney Spears currently is experiencing, Mr. McMahon's paternity lawsuit issues aren't going to go away quietly. Apparently, someone on the WWE roster is the illegitimate offspring of randy Mr. McMahon. Thank goodness Mr. McMahon wasn't linked with the late Anna Nicole Smith or there might have been another potential daddy for little Dannielynn. A double knockout at the lawyers' offices seems inevitable regarding this sensitive issue, as if WWE's Congressional matters weren't challenging enough for the Chairman. So for all you kids out there, just remember that abstinence is a good thing, and safe sex is a great habit to practice when one gets older and decides to spread one's wings. 
 
As promiscuous as the Chairman of WWE apparently was, are we absolutely sure that there is only "one" illegitimate offspring? Just wondering because … I'm the kind of guy who likes to wander around. I'm a wanderer.
 
Gee Mrs. Clever, Mr. Kennedy was a little rough on Sandman Monday night -- much like Oprah, apparently, when it comes time to paying her employees' their overtime.
 
For Mr. McMahon's sake, let's just hope that his erstwhile sidekick, Jonathan Coachman, doesn't pull a "Karl Rove" and bail on "the big guy" in another of Mr. McMahon's hours of need. Sort of like Michael Vick's childhood pals who have flipped on the Atlanta Falcons quarterback. Michael, I know you read this hard-to-find column, but I have some advice for you. Do the plea bargain, do your time, and don't spend any more money on an alleged "legal team" that would love to defend you in a long, expensive court case. (And they won't take their fee out in old Nike attire or trading cards that have been pulled from the shelves.) Mr. Vick cut yourself a deal, admit your guilt and start changing your life today for the better.  
 
Did you notice Raw GM and apparent game show aficionado, William Regal's Simon "whatshisname" from American Idol attire Monday Night? Just seeing if you were really paying attention, or if you were a "scanner" and was just simply -- and quickly -- rolling through the show on your TiVo or DVR. Mr. Regal has become the Sgt. Hulka of the WWE, our "big toe," and, darn it, that's okay with me.   
 
Much like Lindsay Lohan, who has risen whining to an art form, Ms. "I'm only in my early 20's but I look like a thirtysomething lush" is now being rivaled by Santino Marella in the whining department.
 
This just in: After declaring on Raw that the group Wham! was his favorite group of the ‘80s, word has it that Ron Simmons has heard from George Michael, and that Michael has come out of the closet, figuratively speaking. He has declared that Ron Simmons was his favorite wrestler of any previous era. Who would have thunk it? Remember, you read it here first.
 
It was nice to see Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch back on Raw last week as I thought for a moment that the World Tag Team Champions had moved to Arkansas and been placed in the Federal Witness Protection Program. I am a fan of tag team wrestling, and Cade & Murdoch are evolving into a Brainbuster-like duo. Cade & Murdoch, no relation to "Captain Redneck," the late Dick Murdoch, have the ability to become the dominate team in the entire WWE, but they need really stiff competition to get them to that level.
 
Hey, look kids it's the brown-toothed man, Snitsky, who just appeared briefly on your TV set. I assume that toothpaste endorsement deal for the large man hasn't been finalized.
 
You got to love Mick Foley's honesty. Mick saying Monday night just prior to the start of the eagerly anticipated WWE Idol that, "I'll do anything for money" sort of fits our times. I don't blame my pal Mick whatsoever, as a man's got to eat! It was great seeing Mick Monday at MSG, and he's hoping to come to Norman, Okla., and check out J.R.'s Family Bar-B-Q Restaurant and a University of Oklahoma Sooner game this fall. Mick's in-law by marriage is the OU offensive line coach James Patton for those of you sports junkies keeping score at home. Plus, Dan Patrick has left ESPN after Friday's radio show, which will be a loss for the new, cooler, hipper version of ESPN. BOO-YAH!! I will miss Dan Patrick, but in showbiz, youth and looks reign supreme over talent and experience … trust me.
 
I heard that the lady that does the closed captioning for USA Network asked for a raise after trying to decipher what the Iron Sheik was saying Monday night during the still being talked about WWE Idol (not to be confused with Austin Idol) segment. Perhaps this week, Mr. Regal can host Family Feud, as that seems applicable in today's WWE climate. Hey, if Regal is a fan of Court TV and the wonderfully pregnant with twins Nancy Grace, I suggest WWE promote a Lohan family showdown and get the apparent dysfunctional parents of young Lindsay to settle their issues on Raw … friend.
 
Cody Rhodes is a fine young man. I feel that is an important trait in new wrestlers on the scene and felt it deserved mentioning. Newcomers should have character and integrity or move on about their business and make another company's life miserable. Cody is a young man that WWE can invest in and build for the long haul. This kid has the goods to be great, and luckily, he looks like his mother Michelle. The grandson of a plumber has wonderful, natural instincts that he can thank his Hall of Fame father for, and that, many second and third generation athletes are fortunate to receive from their elders. Dusty Rhodes is a legend whose legacy will live in time and memorial and the "American Dream" casts a long, somewhat wide shadow that young son Cody will be challenged to replicate. Boomer Sooner, Cody!!
 
King Booker reacted in sheer and reprehensible frustration after it was announced that he would be facing Triple H at SummerSlam on pay-per-view Sunday Aug. 26. The faux royal acted as an arse when he delivered a cheap shot to my broadcast partner, Jerry "The King" Lawler, who I will assure you will not soon forget his less-than-positive experience Monday night in Madison Square Garden. Booker's conduct Monday night was disgusting. Booker can be so loud and abrasive much, like Fox Noise's Bill O'Reilly, who should have been a wrestling manager.
 
It was an interesting and unpredictable main event Monday night on Raw when John Cena & Umaga teamed to take on Randy (I love myself) Orton & Carlito. Carlito was the one with the ample head of hair. I will say that there is no neutral ground for those that follow John Cena's career, as evidenced in MSG Monday night. Fans either love Cena or they don't. Either way, these particular WWE fans make noise, and that is great by me. I am not sure what to make of Umaga these days. I know, I could make a broach, a large piece of furniture, a human BBQ tasting machine, etc., but is the Samoan Bulldozer changing his approach to the game? Whatever Umaga is or becomes, he will always be a talented, albeit dangerous, super heavyweight. Plus, it seems that Carlito is becoming more aggressive with his in-ring persona. And did I mention that the lovely and talented Randy Orton is the No. 1 contender to the WWE Championship, and that he really, really likes himself.
 
We go from New York to North Carolina, Fayetteville to be exact, for this Monday Night's Raw, which is quite the contrast. We had a couple of WWE fans from New York in our barbecue joint Thursday night in Oklahoma who were on a vacation traveling around America and made a stop to enjoy some "Q". I enjoyed visiting with these gentlemen, and they let me know they were on their way to Fayetteville to attend Raw on Monday night. Those two young men are wrestling fans, ladies and gentlemen.
 
Speaking of fans, I am slated to make a personal appearance at Amazing Heroes in Union, N.J., the night before SummerSlam, Saturday August 25 from 6-8 p.m. Come on by and say "howdy," and let's talk SummerSlam!
 
Take care and thanks for finding us. I hope it was "worth the drive!" I hope to see you all Monday night on Raw.
 
BOOMER SOONER!
J.R.