J.R.'s Superstar of the Week - Carlito
Greetings from under the black, 200X Resistol hat from the WWE's resident Bar-B-Q-lovin' Okie who will be Buffalo-bound this week as the "Biggest Party of the Summer" draws near.
It has been a big week for us here in Norman, Okla., with the start of football practice at Oklahoma and the celeb sighting of ZZ Top at J.R.'s Family Bar-B-Q Restaurant. Plus, yours truly had a great time in Tucson visiting with University of Arizona head football coach Mike Stoops and superfan and automobile mogul, Chris Click. Not a bad week, if I say so myself.
This week's guest, alright fantasy, panel of experts that include Karl Gotch, Killer Karl Kox, Karl Von Stroheim, King Carl Fergie, Carl DeMarco, Carl Reiner, and Carl the Cigarette-Smoking Chimp have selected -- well sort of -- the Raw Superstar of the Week, and the winner is … Carlito.
Monday night in Tucson saw many noteworthy things happen on Raw. They include:
The return of the "new and improved" Carlito's Cabana (please stop the pain with the "new and improved" … this isn't a detergent). A cheesy set and a wireless mic don't replicate Piper's Pit, which has been every talking head wrestler's dream for over two decades now. I suppose one can't blame one for trying.
John Cena working several topical references into his verbiage Monday night, including invoking the name of Britney Spears, who looks recently as if she could win a mobile home park battle royal, and Lindsay Lohan, whose mom and dad should be spade and neutered. Oh wait, it's too late for that … sorry Bob Barker for getting your hopes up. Do you think that Lindsay ever visited a woodshed in her life? Me, neither.
Mr. Kennedy is talking loud AND chewing gum at the same time.
And that was all in the first few minutes of the show. But wait -- there is more.
It was also firmly established that yours truly cannot tell the difference between Jillian Hall and Beth Phoenix, which has been documented, and rightfully so, on many Web sites this week. Slow news week, I guess, but accurate nonetheless. That was my bad, and I even wrote down what the two Divas were wearing prior to the match, and I still got it wrong. I need to work harder at identifying buxom blondes who wear similar ring attire, and I will. I promise.
We found out Santino Marella is REALLY smitten with Maria. I wonder if the feeling is mutual. But not to be lost in Santino's lust is his lack of officiating expertise, and maybe his lack of just a little common sense. Umaga devoured Santino like Marella was a plate of pasta Monday night, all while the former Intercontinental Champion was still attempting to protest the officiating in the Six Diva Tag Team Match. Marella's whining was blackboard-scratching annoying from where I was sitting.
Snitsky is still a psycho with bad teeth. Not that there is anything wrong with that, Gene.
Does Acting Raw GM Jonathan Coachman's hat size seem comparable to Barry Bonds' size 7 1/2, or was it just the lighting in Tucson?
Cody Rhodes could well be a future BTP (big-time player), and I am thankful that he takes after his mother in the looks department. Okay, that was a joke … lighten up, Francis. Nonetheless, feeble attempts at humor aside, Cody was a two-time state amateur wrestling champion in high school in Georgia, and has "it" -- and "it" can't be taught ... if you will.
Kennedy scored his biggest victory to date on Monday Night Raw after injuring Bobby Lashley's shoulder, which will have surgery done on it this Tuesday in Birmingham, Ala. That's a really bad break for the muscular Lashley, who was just starting to get on somewhat of a roll, including a near-miss at The Great American Bash against John Cena for the WWE Championship. It has been said that the make of a man is how he handles adversity. We will see exactly what Lashley is made of after his surgery, knowing he will have to rehab his shoulder and that it will be a target for all his opponents when the former U.S. Army sergeant returns to Raw.
Jerry "The King" Lawler is still a King in the eyes of most, except those who are King Booker fans, of which there are at least two. Lawler wins via disqualification Monday night in a rivalry that obviously isn't over. Why is Booker channeling Lennox Lewis these days? And what's up with the extended pinkie. And why is the lovely Sharmell a queen? Were other King of the Ring winners' wives also called "queen" out in public, like say at the grocery store or at Wal-Mart?
Cryme Tyme looks to be fresh back from the Witness Protection Program (another joke), and their auction Monday night for one of their opponents' wrestling boots lasted longer than their wrestling match. What's next for these two, QVC?
Could one consider Randy Orton an "arse"? I suppose one could, but I would never do such a thing. But we must consider that WWE's "most beautiful man" (his words, folks, not mine) is the undisputed No. 1 contender for the WWE Championship, whether we like it or not. What Orton did to WWE Hall of Famer Sgt. Slaughter Monday night in the ring was pathetic.
So, with the aforementioned Randall Orton's assistance, bushy-headed Carlito upsets John Cena with the Backstabber in the main event Monday night on Raw. After pulling off the gigantic upset, Carlito looked as if he had "an accident in the bed," and couldn't believe his good fortune. Maybe this controversial victory will jumpstart the follicle-blessed, second-generation Superstar's career. Lord knows Carlito has skills, but like A-Rod of the New York Yankees, he seems to have been in a slump the past few weeks. If Carlito can develop some consistency to go along with his natural abilities and his lovely head of hair, other Raw Superstars need to beware.
I hope you join us from the home of "buffalo wings" and the Buffalo Bills, Buffalo, N.Y. for Monday Night Raw. I will definitely have a hot wing or 20 and perhaps even a cold beverage while in Buffalo, which isn't easy to get to from Norman, I can assure you. See you Monday night, and thanks for checking out www.jrsbarbqcom. We are having a great time meeting so many wonderful WWE fans at our new restaurant, and these fans love all our wrestling memorabilia that we have collected over the past 30 or so years. Be well, everyone.