Random thoughts from under the black, 200X Resistol hat from your resident Okie who can't wait to get to Dallas this Monday night and get on the air, and back to having fun on America's top-rated weekly cable series, Monday Night Raw. With the enormous amount of rain we have been receiving here in Oklahoma, including many people losing everything they own due to flooding, I have been compelled to watch more TV than normal, which has been eye-opening to say the least. Here are some observations and opinions from a rained-in, BBQ lover who is on TV overload.
 
The Larry King/Paris Hilton interview on CNN this week was one of the unintentional funniest or saddest hours (depending on one's perspective) of TV I have watched in a long time. King's suspenders might have been bound a little tight or he may have mixed up his much ballyhooed garlic tablets with a Viagra pill, as the broadcast veteran, who knew Marconi when he invented the radio, seemed enamored with the less than truthful Hilton. As I watched this alleged news program, I envisioned King and Hilton with their shoes off, playing footsie under the table, which was a visual that ruined my supper. However, King's show garnered a huge rating, and that's the mission of all TV shows, including news programs, whether some want to admit it or not.
 
Then the next night Bill O'Reilly took ample shots at King for his Hilton interview on O'Reilly's "fair and balanced," "no spin zone" The O'Reilly Factor show on Fox News Channel. It felt like the news version of the "Monday Night Wars." O'Reilly had controversial author Ann Coulter on his show, as they both exchanged sensationalistic sound bytes, but when they were finished I felt like I needed a shower and never really understood the crux of the interview, except maybe to promote Coulter's book, Godless, which is aptly named based on many folks' perception of the author whose apparent obsession with her long flowing, blonde mane is just a little annoying. Then O'Reilly brought out Geraldo -- all big stars only have one name, you know -- who spun some ridiculous whodunit tale that defied logic and lacked any discernable intelligence. Geraldo's ramblings sounded like some old time wrestling promos I remember hearing as a kid, which were "rambling" to be polite.
 
Another observation… former mat personalities from back in the day need to work more diligently on putting intelligent sentences together rather than their ridiculously long hair extensions that are as disingenuous as their answers to most questions.  
 
Other "newsworthy" items this week included the following:
 
• Nicole Richie is "perhaps" getting married. Do we care? I suggest Richie get engaged with a plate full of ribs, as hers seem to be overly exposed.

• Attorney Debra Opri is being sued by Larry Birkhead. Imagine that, a lawyer mired in a controversial issue with a client over the all mighty dollar.

• The Spice Girls are going back on tour. You know you are excited about it, but the 30 something group of ladies is being referred to as "Old Spice." Nice.

• Lindsay Lohan, 20, was allegedly drinking when she wrecked her Mercedes one morning a few weeks ago at 5:30 a.m. Now that's a revelation.

• Jessica Simpson lost 20 pounds recently. Another headline grabber. (Perhaps Ol' J.R. is just jealous.) 

• The NBA Draft on ESPN seemed to last longer than Gone With The Wind airing in slow motion. I shaved twice during it.
 
Whew. Enough is enough. I have come to the conclusion that I am much better off personally watching something like a John Wayne movie, WWE 24/7 or reading a book than I am immersing myself in "news programs" that are filled with theory disguised as fact and with poorly prepared and produced "stars" who are hell-bent on having all the answers, when anyone with any modicum of common sense knows that the truth on many controversial issues has yet to be determined, and perhaps will never be known by any mortal being.
 
I can't wait to get back rocking and rolling on Monday Night Raw and having a blast with the WWE Superstars Monday on Raw from "Big D." I am ready and in need of some fun. Dallas is a great city, and for the Mrs. and yours truly, it is a nice, romantic car trip. Kind of like the Griswolds in National Lampoon's Vacation, except without Russ and Audrey.
 
With all that said, I find myself in need of a nice, brisket sandwich, and I know just where to find one. Continue to count your blessings and I hope to see you Monday night at 9/8 CT… friend.

BOOMER SOONER!
J.R.