J.R.'s Superstar of the Week - Roddy Piper

J.R.'s Superstar of the Week - Roddy Piper

Greetings from under the 200X, black Resistol hat after returning from WWE World Headquarters for some work on WWE 24/7, Mick Foley’s next book and an upcoming DVD about wrestling’s famous families. Then on Sunday, I get to take the mail plane to Bakersfield, Calif., sitting in seats made for waifs and super models.

Raw returns to its regular Monday Night slot this week after moving to Thursday because of the much anticipated and over hyped Westminster Dog Show. It actually got some significant media stretch in USA Today’s sports page, which made me boycott that paper for a day in protest. The next thing you know, USA Today will be providing exclusive coverage of a Demolition Derby or a Domino Tournament and calling them sports too.

This week’s Raw Superstar of the Week is a no brainer (no comments from the peanut gallery please). This week’s celebrity panel consists of forensic psychologist Dr. Michael Baden, Howard K. Stern’s cousin, and the person who shaved Britney Spears’ head. Of course these celebrity panelists only consult yours truly, as the final decision is mine because this is my column, and it is the best kept secret on WWE.com. Perhaps if I had some plastic surgery augmentation, I could find my way onto the homepage of WWE.com. Hey, I’ve got it! I could have an “affair” with a Diva, which would just about guarantee me some media stretch, but that story wouldn’t be original either. Never mind. None of those things are going to happen so the selection of this week’s Raw Superstar of the Week is WWE Hall of Famer “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. More on that selection after a few words from me, Al Franken, and some obligatory BBQ mentions.

For fans of the Legends Roundtable, the next panel will include Jerry Lawler, Michael Hayes, Mick Foley, Eric Bischoff and yours truly.  The subject matter was wrought with controversy and, no, I have no idea when they will air. I do know if you aren’t a WWE 24/7 subscriber, you are really missing the boat.

It is going to be interesting as to who Mr. McMahon and “The Donald’s” surrogate wrestlers will be at WrestleMania, as the fight to prevent baldness takes place. I expect more info to come forth on this “hairy” matter on Monday. Did you notice that The Donald never took off his overcoat on Raw? It made me think the man with the world’s most photographed and famous “comb over” might have been packing. Hey, you never know about rich people.

I read somewhere that Melina and Nitro were in the WWE “doghouse”. I am sure that came from a reliable source…not. The King would love to comfort Melina in her “doghouse” or a “cat bed” for that matter if he could pull it off…literally. Uncle Jerry is enamored with Melina’s “flexibility”. Melina gave Mickie James a run for her money a couple of weeks ago, and I suspect Melina still has her Jezebel eyes set on winning the WWE Women’s Title. If Melina is a bimbo, does that make Johnny Nitro a himbo?

Don’t blink…sorry you missed The Great Khali squashing defenseless Eugene who apparently got over being unruly as he illustrated just a few weeks ago. Must be Eugene’s medication.

Does John Cena think that he can totally, 100% trust HBK as WrestleMania draws ever closer? Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.

We did some research, and Chris Masters was NOT his class valedictorian, but he did receive his GED on his third try. Masters got “out slickered” as we would say in Oklahoma against Jeff Hardy who has made the Intercontinental Title have more luster than it has had it a while, in my opinion. There is a great story on Jeff Hardy in an upcoming WWE Magazine.

Ric Flair out-navigated Carlito, his unruly hair and his Torrie Wilson- fueled libido this week on Raw. If Carlito and Torrie are having “relations” prior to Carlito wrestling, I might suggest that they shorten the process and decrease the frequency within a pre-determined number of minutes. After Slick Ric took Carlito to the proverbial woodshed a couple of weeks ago, Carlito has been puppy dog-like when I have seen him backstage. I have a feeling this issue is far from over. Do you think Torrie has Carlito “whipped”? If so, what a way to go!

Hey, did you hear Ashley was going to be on the cover of Playboy AND naked on the inside of the monthly magazine? I understand her piercings and tattoos will be included. That might be a Playboy first. Both of my daughters have tattoos that made me happy to no end, (please stop the pain) but there is no way in hell I am going to inquire about any piercings. That’s way too much info for this old school, redneck. I volunteered to soak Ashley in J.R.’s Honey Mustard, one of the top selling items on www.jrsbarbq.com, for a unique Playboy photo-op but I was sent to Human Resources for a “talk” instead. 
How good is Ron Simmons job? “Damn!” If Ron doesn’t lose his voice or start forgetting his lines, he should be good for a while.

Raw had a helluva Eight-Man tag this week featuring Raw and SmackDown Superstars. It was nice that the SmackDown competitors got some face time on the flagship broadcast of WWE. This all-star laden attraction featuring Undertaker, Batista, Cena, and HBK vs. Rated-RKO, MVP, and Mr. Kennedy was a really strong match that clearly underscores the importance of Sunday’s No Way Out pay-per-view from the sold-out Staples Center in L.A. Undertaker is still the bull of the woods, and any yard he resides in is his yard, so watch out. How do you like that little nickname I came up with in a moment of clarity, The Demon of Death Valley, for the man who is 14-0 at WrestleMania? (I see T-Shirt people….)

"Rowdy" Roddy Piper is battling cancer. Roddy is winning and the cancer is losing. Roddy has no self-pity or woe is me attitude. Roddy is surrounded by his lovely wife and his children, and they are great medicine. Piper is going to beat cancer. That pretty much covers the subject. Piper is a role model to anyone who has been dealt a bad hand. The WWE Hall of Famer is long on guts and desire. You gotta love it! As far as Umaga and Estrada, you don’t have to love their self-indulgent and disrespectful behavior when Umaga physically destroyed Piper and Dusty Rhodes on Raw this week, just after Piper had introduced the class of 2007’s first Hall of Fame inductee. I am told Dusty’s two sons will induct their Dad and let’s just hope Umaga eats his HOF invite and decides not to attend.

We are back at our regular time this Monday night for Raw, and I fully expect another loaded show. Rumor has it that this Raw will be packed with Road to WrestleMania content, which always raises the bar for the competitors and puts a little extra cheese on their Whopper. I have to go, as it is time for my regularly scheduled “Skittles weekend breakfast”. Ah, there is nothing like Skittles and eggs for the man who likes fruity and juicy breakfasts.

Be sure and honk if you see me driving down Buck Owens Blvd. in Bakersfield Monday, singing a Merle Haggard classic, “Okie From Muskogee”.



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