J.R.'s Superstars of the Week - Jeff Hardy and Shawn Michaels
Greetings from under the black, 200X, Resistol hat from your barbecue lovin' Okie friend, who is packing for an early trip to Las Vegas where WWE will present No Way Out this Sunday on pay-per-view.
So, who is the winner of an exclusive "I've Got Big Nuts" T-shirt along with an assortment of peanuts and BBQ Sauces from www.jrsbarbq.com this week? Without question several WWE Superstars distinguished themselves Monday night on the final Raw before No Way Out. "Horny" McMahon -- the illegitimate son, not the Chairman -- upset his loving father, thanks to an assist from Finlay. Chris Jericho had a hard-fought win over the malicious millionaire, JBL and John Cena overpowered the World's Strongest Man, Mark Henry. Helluva broadcast, wouldn't you say?
But the showstopper of the night was the final match of the evening which, as my grandpa used to say while listening to Oklahoma football on the radio when I was a young lad (yes kids, I was young once upon a time), was a "stem-winder". So, in the spirit of all double talking, professional politicians, Super Tuesdays, debates filled with natural fertilizer, biased commentators, candidates dropping out/dropping in, crying, and lying, this week's Monday Night Raw Superstar of the Week is a political choice to fit the season. I am selecting Jeff Hardy and Shawn Michaels as Co-Superstars of the Week.
Mr. McMahon, who, by the way, looks unbelievable for being an AARP member, won't be taking little Hornswoggle to Disneyland next Monday when Raw emanates from Anaheim, Calif. That is, not unless the Disney people have added steel cages to their facility. Finlay toiled away in the wrestling world for many, many years before finally making it to the big time, WWE. Is Finlay willing to give that up to continue to be Horny's guardian angel? I personally learned long ago it is not prudent to "cross the boss" in WWE. Something tells me that Finlay and Hornswoggle are about to learn the same lesson after embarrassing the "I'm richer this week than I was last week" Chairman of WWE.
Even though Chris Jericho and JBL have bowling shoe ugly matches, they do indeed beat the living hell out of each other. The next time these two face off will be inside the Elimination Chamber when they will join four others to see who wrestles the WWE Champion at WrestleMania XXIV. The only thing that I can guarantee is that the Chamber will still be standing, perhaps dented, come Sunday night. But your guess is as good as mine as to what wrestler makes it out of "Satan's Structure" the winner.
I wonder if JBL tried to pay off Umaga with cash or Mamajuana Energy drink. Whatever it was did not seem to pacify the large Samoan. It will be every man for himself Sunday, and that includes DX teammates HBK and Triple H. And if you're not down with that …
General Manager William Regal is squiring around one helluva head of hair these days, but I digress.
Paul Burchill and his sister Katie Lea made their Raw debut and certainly raised a few eyebrows. In my eyes, Paul Burchill is a talented athlete who seems to have a potentially bright future in WWE. He defeated the extremely talented Brian Kendrick with a couple of innovative high impact maneuvers, much to the delight of his sister. Something about this family duo strikes me as odd, but perhaps one should give the siblings a few more Raw outings before personal opinions are dispersed. This is certainly a pair worth keeping an eye on, which goes without saying.
John Cena, nor anyone else for that matter, is as strong as Mark Henry, but I have to admit that he is damn close. I am still in awe of Cena FU'ing the World's Strongest Man last week, and if anyone is wondering if Cena is 100 percent, wonder no longer. If Cena doesn't reclaim the WWE Championship at No Way Out, it won't be because he's still injured.
While I'm thinking about it, I hope you check out the newly released, three-DVD set entitled The Legacy of "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, which is getting great reviews by people who do that sort of thing for a living. I told you two weeks or so ago this was a helluva DVD with no frills and was as straightforward and in your face compilation of some of Steve's greatest professional moments (not according not to some TV producer but to Steve himself). No one has ever sold more pay-per-views, tickets, or merchandise in the history of this business than "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, and this DVD illustrates just why.
Now back to our regularly scheduled programming. "Kennedy-Kennedy" annoyed the hell out of me Monday night when he kept interrupting Ric Flair, but I assume some would say that's simply what "Kennedy-Kennedy" does. One thing is for sure, if Mr. Kennedy beats the "Nature Boy" this Sunday in Vegas on pay-per-view, the Green Bay, Wis., native will makes himself famous. It's as simple as that sports fans.
Maria, please, commit to doing the Playboy photo spread and make the majority of the world happy. Santino Marella acts like an insecure imbecile more often than not, according to many of his own peers. I don't know the guy that well, and even though Marella is oftentimes entertaining, he really out-punted his coverage when he started dating Maria. This Monday in Anaheim, Maria has to pick either Playboy or Marella. That would be like selecting between J.R.'s Family Bar-B-Q Restaurant and some microwave-happy, fast food joint. The choice is clear.
What a showstopping main event Monday night between HBK and the "Legend Thriller." Without question, Hardy vs. Michaels was one of the best main events on WWE's flagship broadcast in many moons. My black hat is off to the folliclely-enhanced Raw GM William Regal for making such a superb main event. As a matter of fact, the wrestling from top to bottom on the entire Monday Night Raw was stronger than an acre of garlic.
Lots of questions abound about No Way Out this Sunday: What match closes the show? … Will Triple H have an edge in the Elimination Chamber after not being on Raw live for two weeks? … Will Ric Flair wrestle the last match of his magnificent career? … Can Hornswoggle escape the McMahon Woodshed? … Will the ECW announcers broadcast more than one match? … How deep will the deck be stacked against Rey Mysterio against the amorous World Heavyweight Champion Edge? … Can anyone deny Undertaker his spot in the SmackDown main event at WrestleMania XXIV? … And will J.R. have any funds left after spending Friday and Saturday in Vegas?
Thanks for checking out our fledgling Web site www.jrsbarbq.com and for those of you who send us your e-mail feedback and questions. Don't forget that WWE Shop has some of our products for your enjoyment, so order today with our gratitude. See you Sunday from Las Vegas and Monday from Anaheim!
Be sure to check out J.R.'s Family Bar-B-Q Restaurant at www.jrsbarbq.com.