J.R.'s Superstars of the Week - WWE Trainers, EMTs, Doctors
"I'm 56 years old. ... I'm a man. ... .If you want to come after somebody, come after me!!"
Oops. … I just discovered that I wasn't drinking Sanka this morning. Plus, some of my New Year's Resolutions have me just a touch edgy.
Now back to our regularly scheduled programming … in lovely and crisp HD!
Greetings from under the black, 200X Resistol hat from a man who aspires to become the "Colonel Sanders of BBQ" and is counting down the days until the Royal Rumble pay-per-view, which emanates from Madison Square Garden (which is without question the World's Most Famous Arena). By the way, that event is on pay-per-view, in case you were wondering.
This past Monday's Raw took place in Mobile, Ala., the home of Hardcore Holly (who was mysteriously missing from WWE's flagship broadcast from his hometown. But take it from me and my personal experiences, Bob, that might not have been a bad thing.) and Paul Bearer, who is now a full-time mortician and has lost more than 200 pounds since many folks last saw him. To say the least, it was a memorable broadcast.
Therefore, the Raw Superstar -- or Superstars -- of the Week are the WWE Trainers, Team Doctor, and the local EMTs who were "Johnny-on-the-Spot" after Jeff Hardy's vengeance-driven dive onto WWE Champion Randy Orton. Their prompt medical attention possibly prevented more serious consequences for the insane, risk-taking Hardy and his victim du jour, Randy Orton.
There is no question that Raw ended with a spectacular bang. And after reading reports on WWE.com (non-obligatory mention), Orton and Hardy were extremely lucky to have dodged bullets that could have put them both out of the Royal Rumble as Raw drew to a close from the Redneck Riviera, the Mobile Civic Center.
In a Six-Diva Tag Team Match, unofficially dedicated to all the sophomore boys in the viewing audience, WWE Women's Champion, The Glamazon Beth Phoenix, once again proved to be the alpha female in the ring as she seemed to easily dispatch her competition and overshadowed her teammates. Some WWE Divas have spent more time on the canvas than Rembrandt, thanks to the Glamazon. If this treatment continues, WWE may well be represented someday on the train wreck known as VH1's Celebrity Rehab, as one could see a distraught Diva turning to the bottle to drown her sorrows and frustrations of not being able to "woman-up" against the larger and stronger Glamazon.
I still think having that Diva match in barbecue sauce from J.R.'s Family Bar-B-Q isn't such a horrible idea, but it may be better suited for radio on second thought. Of course folks, you can learn more about the fascinating world of "Q" and read the many unique e-mails from fans at www.jrsbarbq.com. To provide you with a sample, this week on one of my blogs, I editorialized that my vote to broadcast the Rumble match from MSG on pay-per-view should be Joey Styles and Jonathan Coachman, two strapping young lads that are talented and definitely HD-friendly. See what you're missing??
Shawn Michaels having to qualify for the Royal Rumble on Monday made about as much sense as O.J. being released from police custody on his own recognizance out in Vegas. Perhaps Raw GM William "Don't call me Slick Willy" Regal had forgotten that HBK has won the damn thing twice and was runner-up only last year. Nonetheless, WWE's answer to Larry the Cable Guy, Trevor Murdoch, gave Michaels a run for his money in Mobile.
Michaels meets the young and talented "Kennedy-Kennedy" (that's Mr. Kennedy to you) this Monday in Hampton, Va., when WWE goes full-time to HDTV, which has many folks concerned. I know that Ol' J.R. will never be considered "HD-friendly," so I fully expect to be heard and seen even less on Monday nights starting this Monday night and for the extended future. Personally, I think my chins will look quite distinguished on HD. However, a pimple in the wrong place on the wrong Diva could be catastrophic! Seriously, I do especially enjoy watching sports in HD, and I am sure that HD will enhance the esthetic aspect of watching WWE programming for many of you.
I have always said that Nike should be one of WWE's biggest sponsors and should include a Superstar wearing the Nike Swoosh on his or her ring attire. But perhaps I have thought of a perfect sponsor for the large psychotic man known as Snitsky -- Stridex Medicated Pads. Snitsky showed his toughness against Triple H, but I did not understand the ref's decision to disqualify The Game. The snaggle-toothed ogre brought the steel steps into play before Triple H used a chair on him. Nonetheless, let's hope there is no bad officiating this weekend when the NFL's Super Bowl representatives are decided in frigid stadiums in Foxborough, Mass., and Green Bay, Wis. At least we know that Randy Moss' alleged lady friend of 11 years won't be traveling up from Florida to attend the Pats-Chargers contest. Too bad many in the media are already convicting Moss without knowing all the facts, which is mighty strange for the media to do, right? Nah.
Just curious: Why do television "talk show" hosts need writers when the hosts are paid to "talk"? Certainly JBL did not need a staff of Hollywood writers Monday night when he made his version of the Gettysburg Address directed at his Rumble opponent, Chris Jericho, and disturbingly, to Y2J's twin sons (who hopefully were sound asleep in their beds). Neil Cavuto would not have addressed those lads in such a manner. JBL's elaborate pyro and the residual layers of smoke that hovered over the Mobile Civic Center Monday night reminded me of a Rolling Stones concert I seem to remember attending when I was a younger. … "But now I'm a man. … I'm 56. … That's why I don't read the newspaper!"
The Mini Royal Rumble Match was a classic, wasn't it? OK, maybe not so classic, but one has to admit it was "different." Hey, different can be good, but in hindsight the mini competitors should have come to the ring in, oh, 10 second intervals. But that's another story for another time. I was waiting on Jerry "The King" Lawler to tell me that all the competitors had trained hard and ate "short stacks" for breakfast to get ready for the furious competition. Congrats "Horny," you grunting little McMahon, for not only qualifying for the Rumble match but for having an apparent angel on your shoulder in the form of Finlay.
By the way, did you know that Finlay is Irish, loves to fight, has known JBL for more than two decades and that there is NO truth that Finlay is Elton John's more aggressive first cousin (notice the front teeth)? Nonetheless, the Mini Royal Rumble was lighthearted entertainment until The Great Khali showed up.
The Flair-Regal portion of their anticipated contest on TV seemed to last about as long as Bobby Petrino did coaching the Atlanta Falcons this season. Speaking of the ex-Louisville, ex-Atlanta, current Arkansas coach, how Petrino slithers into homes and talks to potential recruits' moms and dads has got to be a reality show in itself. On a more positive sports note, I hope that the Indianapolis Colts' classy coach, Tony Dungy, stays with his team as he is a breath of fresh air in the omnipresent world of the NFL. And to say that the NFL has a "stranglehold" on pro football would be like saying that Tom Cruise isn't considered just a little bit "weird."
Back to WWE, for the record, in the many airports I travel though on a weekly basis, more folks ask me about the Ric Flair retirement situation and the career ascent of Jeff Hardy more than any other topic in our company, if one is keeping score at home.
See you in Virginia this Monday night for Raw on the maiden voyage of HD for WWE! I have to go now and get to the tanning bed! I have always subscribed to the Arn Anderson theory, "My fat looks better brown than white."
Be sure to check out J.R.'s Family Bar-B-Q Restaurant at www.jrsbarbq.com.