A best man of few words

A best man of few words

Theodore Long's wedding is less than two weeks away, and one would assume that his best man, Ron Simmons, is busy finalizing plans for the groom's side of the ceremony. You know -- things like setting up the bachelor party, coordinating the groomsmen and, perhaps most importantly, stashing the ring for the big day.

Of course, it would be a lot easier to know this with any certainty if Mr. Simmons wasn't a man of few words. All week, WWE.com tried to catch up with Simmons for an interview, but he was never available. Assuming he was busy helping Long with wedding plans, we kept trying.

Finally, early Monday morning, the best man showed up unexpectedly at the WWE.com offices, willing to grant us an interview. But as Simmons isn't very talkative these days, the chat was quite quick. Below is a transcript of the conversation one almost has to hear to believe.

WWE.com: So Ron, I imagine you and Teddy have been busy making pre-wedding plans. How's that going, and how is he holding up as the big day approaches?

Ron Simmons: [pauses, thinks for a minute] SLAMMED!

WWE.com: Yes, well, that's understandable, there's a lot to do when planning a wedding. Hopefully, his bachelor party will help put him at ease. Any cool tidbits about the bachelor party you can share with our fans?

Ron: [pauses] PLAN!

WWE.com: Uhh…plans are good. So, uh, we know who Kristal's bridesmaids are. Can you tell us who else is going to be in the groom's party?

Ron: [pauses] FAM!

WWE.com: All right, well…the ceremony will be seen on Friday Night SmackDown. But do you have any news on what the reception will be like?

Ron: [pauses] JAM!

WWE.com: I'm sure it will be packed. What's on the dinner menu for the guests?

Ron: [pauses] LAMB! [pauses again, then smiles] HAM! [pauses once more] CLAMS!

WWE.com: That sounds quite tasty. Anyway, we also heard that the jewelers tried charging Teddy a lot more for the ring than he should have. Can you shed some light on that?

Ron: [pauses] SCAM!

WWE.com: Sounds like it. Well, Ron, just one more question for you: Is there a mailing address, e-mail or somewhere that our fans can send cards and well-wishes to the happy couple?

Ron: [pauses, then shakes his head no] SPAM!

WWE.com: Oh. OK, that's understandable. Is there anything else you'd like to say to our great fans?

Ron: [pauses] DAMN!

While Ron Simmons may not be the most verbose man, from the way he talks it sounds like Theodore Long & Kristal's wedding is going to be off the hook. If you can't be there to see the nuptials in person on Sept. 21, be sure to tune in at 8/7 CT on The CW Network. 

Check out Ron's Damn t-shirt at WWEShop... 

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