Cody Rhodes names 10 celebrities who should wear a mask
As his recent run-ins with both Sin Cara and Rey Mysterio have demonstrated, Cody Rhodes may be developing an unhealthy "obsession" with masks once again. And even though he might be focused on taking off Sin Cara’s and Rey’s masks, the grandson of a plumber has now zoned in on celebrities who he thinks should put a mask on.
Sit back and enjoy as Rhodes takes aim at Hollywood, and rattles off a controversial list of the rich and famous he thinks should start donning facial garb, for a variety of reasons.
This list isn't necessarily one that anyone would want to be on, and you won’t believe who Cody’s going after ...
10. Robert Pattinson
CODY RHODES: "This one is difficult for me. I admire a young man who can blow up on the scene and become such a heartthrob among women. In the vampire genre, my favorite book of all time is Bram Stoker’s Dracula, which has absolutely nothing to do with the Twilight films. I am not a fan of those films. Robert Pattinson got his fame from Twilight, not Harry Potter, and as a massive Harry Potter fan, no one seems to remember Cedric Diggory. Instead, everyone talks about this vampire who turns into diamonds in sunlight. That is an insult to me, as I will always remain on the Harry Potter side of the Harry Potter/Twilight feud.”
CODY RHODES: "Seal should have to wear a mask for the simple reason that he’s the only person who hasn’t received any blame for Batman Forever, a film that has lines like, 'I’ll get drive-though,' spoken by Val Kilmer in one of the most awful renditions of The Caped Crusader. Seal provided the song, 'Kiss from a Rose,' which had nothing to do with anything, and he should be just as blamed as [director Joel] Schumacher."
8. Jonah Hill
CODY RHODES: "We live in a day and age where you no longer have to be talented, or even good-looking, to be in films. These days, Jason Segel, Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill ... We can identify with them because they don’t take care of themselves and they’re kind of funny, I think — or is that quirky? Either way, I enjoy nothing they do."
7. Big Ang
CODY RHODES: "For obvious reasons, I will plead the fifth on why Big Ang needs to wear a mask. All you need to do is Google ‘Big Ang,’ and you’ll find two excessive reasons for a mask."
6. Gilbert Gottfried
CODY RHODES: "Gilbert Gottfried is pretty simple. He should be provided a mask for the voice he used to provide for the Aflac duck, which either sticks in your head or torments you while you sleep. That, or for Iago, the bird in the Aladdin films; he should have had the sense to not do the second film without Robin Williams as Genie."
5. Courtney Love
CODY RHODES: "Courtney Love should wear a mask for many reasons. My sister, Teil, grew up a diehard Madonna fan, and at the MTV Video Music Awards, when Courtney Love threw her shoe at the commentator who was interviewing Madonna, my sister immediately grew a disdain for Courtney Love. You can choose any number of reasons to dislike her, but that one is mine."
4. Clint Howard
CODY RHODES: "Another easy mask to fit would be that of Clint Howard. As I have provided a rendering of what Sin Cara would look like, it is not that far off from what Clint Howard actually looks like. I am almost 99.9% sure that, if I were to unmask Sin Cara, it would be Clint Howard [under there]."
3. Skip Bayless
CODY RHODES: "Another person in dire need of a mask. After watching [Dallas Mavericks owner] Mark Cuban rip [ESPN commentator] Skip Bayless from head to toe over stats that Skip Bayless should have known, I lost my interest in Skip Bayless’ show and started to trust [ESPN commentator] Stephen A. Smith, which I never thought would happen in a million years."
2. The Boston Red Sox
CODY RHODES: "While I admire their credentials, I admire their accolades and I admire the fact that they are not all bad-looking, they all deserve masks for playing the underdog role consistently. I don’t understand why people don’t cheer for those who are the winners. The New York Yankees are the winningest franchise ever, and people say, ‘Well, money bought the team.’ C’mon, it’s professional sports — money is supposed to buy the best, and the New York Yankees are the best. My niece, Maris, who is the greatest thing on Earth and is named after [New York Yankees great] Roger Maris, already has a disdain for the Boston Red Sox at four years old. Also, professional athletes? Shave your beard, don’t wear necklaces, don’t make everything about you as an individual. It’s a team sport — another reason why all the Boston Red Sox [players] need masks."
1. The mom from "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo"
CODY RHODES: "The mom from that Honey Boo Boo show — she is my number one. I came from a redneck family. I used to ask my dad for what I used to call 'Big Ketchup,' which meant I would accept nothing less than 10 ketchup packages when we went to a fast food restaurant. My father would lie to me and pour out two, three or four ketchup packets for my French fries. He did not exploit me by any means, and he did not give in to my every whim. He’s not like the mom from the Honey Boo Boo show, who's exploiting her child and giving into every demand. Kids should be happy, and nothing more than that; that’s why the mom deserves a mask."