Damien Sandow's tag team IQ test
WWE's Intellectual Savior tests your knowledge
Allow me to beg your indulgence for one moment. My name is Damien Sandow and not only am I here to help you, but also to educate you. My tag team partner Cody Rhodes and I have formed the much-heralded duo Team Rhodes Scholars. You will be learning more about my compatriot and me as we pursue the WWE Tag Team Championships, which are currently being held hostage by the belligerant bozos of Team Hell No.
Not to fear, Mr. Rhodes and myself will win the tag team tournament and then relieve Kane & Daniel of their titles at Hell in a Cell on Oct. 28, restoring dignity and honor to some of WWE's most historic and valued championships. As these titles will soon return to and then exceed their former glory on the waists of Mr. Rhodes and myself, the WWE Universe needs to brush up on tag team knowledge. Without further ado, here is a tag team IQ test, seven questions that are sure to befuddle you, the ignoramuses that constitute the WWE Universe. You're welcome.
At the inaugural WrestleMania, The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff won the World Tag Team Championships from the U.S. Express, Barry Windham & Mike Rotunda. Was this Iranian flag the implement that helped the foreign powers capture championship gold?
In your supreme ignorance, you most likely blurted out the obvious “yes.” However, at the height of the tag team confusion, The Iron Sheik actually utilized the trusted cane of his manager, “Classy” Freddie Blassie, to strike Windham and pick up the monumental victory. You’re welcome.
When WWE Tag Team Champion Chris Jericho exhibited exceptional prudence in replacing an injured Edge with the vertically superior Big Show at Night of Champions 2009, what color singlet was The World’s Largest Athlete was wearing?
While the sublimely simple among you might have used your limited brain power to guess his current camouflage gear — or even the basic, traditional and uninteresting black — the actual answer is dual shades of blue. You’re welcome.
While Kane currently holds the WWE Tag Team Championships with Daniel Bryan as Team Hell No, he first captured the illustrious titles with this larger-than-life Superstar.
No, wrong again. While Kane did win his first World Tag Team Title with Mick Foley’s larger-than-life persona Mankind in 1998 – and went on to have several successful World Tag Team Title reigns after that – he didn’t earn his first WWE Tag Team Title until he teamed with Big Show in April 2011.
In a posthumous tribute to his late Road Warrior partner Hawk, Animal and his new teammate Heidenreich shocked the WWE Universe by claiming the WWE Tag Team Titles at The Great American Bash 2005. But, it was when Heidenreich adapted this that the L-O-D appeared truly reborn.
Silence, while you’re Intellectual Savor is speaking, you uneducated buffoons! The correct answer is the shoulder spikes and face paint, synonymous with the original Road Warriors. You’re welcome.
Edge & Christian won the first of their seven World Tag Team Titles at Wrestlemania 2000. Who shared the make-shift scaffold — constructed out of the ladders and chairs — with The Ultimate Opportunist at the dramatic culmination of the action?
Surely, the majority of you, the stupefied masses, would say Matt Hardy, since that is the Superstar who Edge knocked from his lofty perch in order to grab the suspended titles and end the contest. But, in the end, it was his own partner Christian who sat with The Rated-R Superstar on the top of the crudely conceived climbing structure. You’re welcome.
Booker T & Goldust won their first World Tag Team Championship as a duo at Armageddon 2002 in a Fatal 4-Way Tag Team Elimination Match, defeating fellow challengers Lance Storm & William Regal and The Dudley Boyz. But, who were the reigning World Tag Team Champions that lost the titles to Booker and Goldust?
Your simplemindedness amuses me. At Armageddon 2002, Chris Jericho’s third reign & Christian’s ninth reign with the World Tag Team Championships were ended by Booker T & Goldust, who, despite their many striking differences, are equally ignorant. You’re welcome.
The Nexus won the WWE Tag Team Championships with three different duos. Which of these Nexus twosomes did not win the WWE Tag Team Championships? Since you have been doing so poorly, I will grant you options for this query.
a.) David Otunga & Michael McGillicutty
b.) CM Punk & Heath Slater
c.) Heath Slater & Justin Gabriel
d.) John Cena & David Otunga
Wrong again! The correct answer is b.) CM Punk & Heath Slater. CM Punk has never won these titles, while The One-Man Band is a three-time WWE Tag Team Champion. You’re welcome.
So, how ignorant are you?
Unbelievably, you completed the tag team IQ test. I am certain your head is hurting after all that thinking, but now it is time to determine just how ignorant all of you, the clueless masses, actually are.
Correct Answers Scoring distinction
0 You are a sub-ignoramus.
1 You are an ignoramus.
2 You are an ignoramus who made a couple lucky guesses.
3 You are displaying ignoramus tendencies.
4 While not a full-fledged ignoramus, you are still an embarrassment.
5 There might be hope for you escaping the doldrums of ignorance.
6 You did fairly well with the trivia questions. Suspiciously so …
7 Not only are you an ignoramus, you’re an immoral cheater, too.