Payback is a Dick
Eric Bischoff was given back control of RAW for one night only…and if the title of his book Controversy Creates Cash is true, then the first RAW following Cyber Sunday was a banker's dream.
As the show opened, Edge & Randy Orton were in the ring gloating about their victory over DX at Cyber Sunday when they introduced Bischoff. Bischoff revealed that thanks to the "impressive" job he did as referee in that match, Mr. McMahon made him RAW General Manager for the night. And following up on his previous assignment, Bischoff's first acts were to give John Cena the night off and ban DX from the building. The interim GM then began to "reward" certain RAW Superstars for past loyalty before being interrupted by the new World Tag Team Champions, Ric Flair & Roddy Piper.
But when the new champions, who know all about Bischoff's use of power from their days in WCW, confronted the GM, they got a reward of their own: a main-event No- Disqualification Match against Edge & Orton for the gold…with Bischoff as the referee.
During the match, Bischoff clearly officiated in Edge & Orton's favor, counting fast during their pinfall attempts. However, the No-DQ stipulation would come back to haunt him; after Bischoff was knocked down by Flair, Orton had the "Nature Boy" in position for the RKO when DX stormed the ring. HBK delivered some Sweet Chin Music to the Legend Killer, and substitute referee Mike Chioda counted the winning pinfall for Flair.
That wasn't all they had in store however. DX brought out Big Dick Johnson, and after The Game nailed Bischoff with a Pedigree, the corpulent male stripper did a little dancing. HBK and The Game then capped off the festivities by making Eric Bischoff the first member of the Big Dick Johnson Kiss My Ass Club, proving that while you can get them down, you can never truly count DX out.
One of the Superstars Bischoff rewarded was Johnny Nitro, who was given a chance to regain the Intercontinental Championship from Jeff Hardy. During the match, however, Melina's interference led to Nitro being disqualified. Bischoff, in an extra-giving mood, decided to have the match restarted under No-Disqualification rules. With her interaction now legal, Melina interfered again by jumping on Hardy's back; he threw her off, but when he went for a Swanton Bomb, Nitro pulled him down. One smash with the Intercontinental Championship later, Nitro got the three count to regain the gold. Following the win, Nitro told WWE.com exactly how he feels about Hardy.
"Let's just say I've already talked to Paris, K-Fed and Ashton," Nitro revealed, "and they're all stoked because nobody likes Jeff Hardy. He mistakes his eccentricity for talent, of which he has none. He's got no talent, no class, and no looks…he's nothing compared to Johnny Nitro."
Bischoff wasn't just in a rewarding mood however, as he doled out some punishment as well. To punish the fans, he gave John Cena the night off…but like DX, The Champ didn't take his cue.
During RAW, Kevin Federline laid out a challenge to The Champ. With RAW live in his hometown of Miami on New Year's Day, K-Fed challenged Cena to a one-on-one match at the American Airlines Arena on Jan. 1.
Later, as a "reward" for Maria's involvement in his firing last December, Bischoff forced the terrified Diva to either face Umaga or be fired herself. Jonathan Coachman had to drag the frightened Maria to the ring, and as the bell rang he tossed her to the Bulldozer. Umaga destroyed the poor Diva, but before he could finish the job, Cena stormed to the ring and attacked the Samoan Bulldozer. Armando Alejandro Estrada had to hold Umaga back as Cena raged in the ring. Todd Grisham came out to interview The Champ, who explained his rage before giving Grisham an FU and accepting K-Fed's challenge.
"I have some advice for you," the WWE Champion said about Federline. "Take that $300 million you stole from Britney and buy yourself an army, navy and air force…because that's the only way you'll make it out of Miami alive."
The match is on, and before leaving, Cena said, "anyone who's looking for a fight…my name is John Cena. You want some? Come get some!"
The RAW announce team wasn't safe from Bischoff's wrath either. After Jim Ross called Bischoff a "disgrace" during the broadcast, the GM sent Chris Masters to the ring. It was revealed that J.R. was Masters' opponent, but Jerry Lawler stood up to the power-mad Bischoff. For his trouble, he was put into the match, but forced to be handcuffed to the top rope or else get fired. Lawler abided by the stipulation, but was easily thrashed by "The Masterpiece," who forced "The King" to submit to the Master Lock.
And if that isn't bad enough, even his own family wasn't safe from Bischoff's power trip. The GM made a match pitting his nephew Eugene & Hacksaw Jim Duggan against the Spirit Squad, with the stipulation that the losing team must split up forever. Both teams have had issues as of late, but in the end, Kenny & Johnny kept the Squad together when Johnny pinned Duggan. After the match, however, Eugene seemingly snapped, blindsiding his mentor and attacking the Legend with his own 2x4. As Eugene stormed back to the locker room, the WWE fans were only left to wonder why he had snapped.
Mickie James was also punished, but this was more of a collective punishment from Bischoff and new Women's Champion Lita. Lita, who defeated Mickie at Cyber Sunday to claim the vacant gold, asked Bischoff to sanction a rematch…but she had a plan. Once the match was set to begin, Lita revealed that Mickie would have one arm tied behind her back. James protested, but had no choice; her arm was tied up, making her easy prey for the Women's Champion, who won the match following a DDT.
Shelton Benjamin also had a bad night on RAW. Backstage, he confronted Carlito about his winning the vote to face Jeff Hardy at Cyber Sunday, promising to show Carlito in their match that the fans wasted their votes. However, come match time, a distraction from Cryme Tyme cost Shelton the bout. As a perplexed Benjamin looked on, Shad & JTG (who had joined Jim Ross on commentary) jacked Shelton's shirt, chain and sunglasses. The distraction allowed Carlito the opportunity to nail Benjamin with the Back Cracker and pick up the win. See, Cryme Tyme doesn't just take…they give back to others as well.
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