Kiss this

All last week, it was assumed that Triple H would be kissing Mr. McMahon’s ass on RAW. But at the end of the night, it was the WWE Chairman and his son Shane who were kissing the mat after being outsmarted by the Cerebral Assassin.

All night, Triple H was adamant that he would not kiss the Chairman’s ass. Shane McMahon tried to calm him down, telling him to go talk to Mr. McMahon. When he did, the Chairman offered him a potential reprieve: defeat the Big Show and the whole thing will be called off. The Game agreed, but as soon as the match began, the Spirit Squad came out and attacked Big Show on the floor to draw a disqualification against Triple H. Furious, The Game barged into Mr. McMahon’s office and asked him why he sent the Squad out there. The Chairman played it off, but if you ask me, the coy way he told Triple H that there was no alternative suggests that he knew damn well what was going to happen.

Right before the ass kissing was set to commence, Shane once again visited The Game’s locker room. Just like his sister Stephanie did to Shawn Michaels months ago, Shane tried to slip a mysterious substance into The Game’s water. Somehow Triple H knew this was happening, and as Shane turned away to call Mr. McMahon The Game switched their drinks, leaving Shane to drink the contaminated beverage.

Triple H played it cool, even feigning passing out as he was set to kiss Mr. McMahon’s ass. At that point the Chairman, who had told The Game repeatedly that there was no malice to his demands, became belligerent and berated Triple H. After dropping his trousers, the boss told Shane to set up The Game for his duty…but the prodigal son instead passed out from the spiked drink. Mr. McMahon saw this, and as he turned around to investigate he saw The Game back on his feet. The Chairman tried to pull up his pants but Triple H stopped him. It looked like he would go through with it, but instead, he kicked Mr. McMahon in the stomach and dropped him with a Pedigree. As The Game stood tall over the McMahons, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler were left on commentary wondering just what the repercussions of Triple H’s actions will be. How will Mr. McMahon react after his plan to have Triple H join the Kiss My Ass Club backfired in his face?

It was a hostile environment for John Cena on RAW as well, as he and Rob Van Dam officially signed the contract for their WWE Championship Match at ECW One Night Stand. Prior to signing, RVD told Cena that it was only six days until he won the WWE Championship and renamed it the ECW World Championship. Paul Heyman then told The Champ that he was walking into a unique environment this Sunday, one with a rabid fan base that can’t wait to boo him out of the Hammerstein Ballroom. Unfazed, Cena reminded RVD and Heyman of what he’s been through as champion before signing the contract and wishing RVD luck. Before he could leave, however, Heyman told Cena that he had brought some people to give him a taste of ECW; at that point, Balls Mahoney, Terry Funk, Tommy Dreamer and Sandman came to the ring from the crowd. Cena said he would go down swinging and attacked the ECW contingent, but a cane to the head from Sandman dropped the WWE Champion. The ECW team proceeded to destroy Cena, with Sabu driving him through a table with his signature Atomic Arabian Facebuster. Nearly a dozen RAW Superstars ran out from the locker room to help their champion, but with the damage done the ECW contingent high-tailed out of the ring and left through the crowd.

Another match was made official for this Sunday as well when Kurt Angle’s open challenge was answered. The Wrestling Machine came out to see his hometown Pittsburgh fans, but was cut off by Mick Foley. The two traded barbs back and forth, with Angle calling Foley “Mrs. Foley’s hairy little prostitute” and Foley chiding Angle for stealing his cheap pop. Mick then introduced Edge, a man who holds several victories over Angle. The Rated-R Superstar compared Angle to the lowly Pittsburgh Pirates and told him that he would be miserable in ECW, citing Angle walking out on ECW in 1996.  The Wrestling Machine disagreed, telling Edge that he would change the face of ECW because no one else could do this…which is when he tripped Edge and went for the Ankle Lock. Foley broke it up, but after he took an Angle Slam for his trouble, the Wrestling Machine did apply the Ankle Lock to Edge. Lita was able to pull him out of the ring, and as Angle stared the hardcore trio down, Randy Orton stunned everybody by coming out of the crowd and dropping Angle with an RKO. Immediately afterwards on Unlimited the Legend Killer accepted Angle’s open challenge for One Night Stand, reminding the fans that Angle had broken his ankle in April and it took 60 days for him to get his payback.

In another ECW development, Jerry Lawler accepted Tazz’ challenge for a match this Sunday night. “The King” said there was nothing bad about Tazz except his announcing skills, and that while he may have choked everyone out in his career, choking is illegal in a wrestling match. After accepting the challenge, Lawler told Tazz that he would make sure ECW One Night Stand was his last stand.

It was a good night, however, for Carlito and Johnny Nitro. Early in the show, Carlito got a victory over Shelton Benjamin in a non-title match, pinning the Intercontinental Champion after a back cracker. In my mind, that victory should catapult Carlito up the rankings into position to challenge Benjamin for the gold. As for Nitro, he got his first RAW victory by defeating Charlie Haas…but not without a little help from Melina. As Haas had Nitro in the corner, Melina ran into the ring and faked spraining her ankle. As Haas turned to investigate, Nitro rolled him up and used a handful of tights to get the victory. While Melina may have faked an injury, a RAW Diva actually was injured during the match; Lilian Garcia suffered a sprained wrist before the match when she was inadvertently knocked off the apron while Haas ran the ropes.

The RAW Diva injury count increased to two later on when Beth Phoenix took on Victoria with Trish Stratus and Mickie James at ringside. Beth looked to have the match won when James jumped on the apron, but Trish pulled the Women’s Champion down to allow the match to continue. Victoria rolled Beth up and tried to use her tights to pin her, but the newest RAW Diva escaped and nailed Victoria with a sit-down slam to earn the victory. Somewhere during the scuffle, however, Beth suffered a fractured lower jaw and was taken to a local medical facility for further examination. It has been determined that Beth will need oral surgery, which is a tough break; not only is she a hottie, but she was also on a roll following her official RAW debut two weeks ago.

While some Superstars had a good night and others had a bad one, Kane had what can best be described as a bittersweet RAW. The Big Red Monster took on Lance Cade and pretty much destroyed the former World Tag Team Champion. Before he could pin him after a chokeslam, the lights dimmed and a voice told Kane to “come to the back if you want to find me.” Kane stormed to the locker room, which gave Cade a win by countout. When the Big Red Monster got to the back, he screamed for the voice to come out; the lights flickered, and when they returned the mirror image of Kane was once again behind him. When “Kane” came up behind the Big Red Monster he attacked, sending him into a wall and knocking him out by throwing a garbage can at his head. Once again, the commentators were left speechless by the bizarre turn of events. Cade and Trevor Murdoch weren’t speechless, however, as later on Unlimited Murdoch crowed that Cade’s victory was only the beginning and they would be the next World Tag Team Champions. I hate to burst your bubble Trevor, but you didn’t win anything, and if you do get a chance at the World Tag Team Championship, it won’t change hands on a countout. Although now that I think about it, rednecks vs. cheerleaders is a match I’d pay to see.

And while school may be nearly out for summer, the learning is just beginning for Eugene. Prior to their match, Matt Striker asked Eugene if he did not learn his lesson from the last time Striker beat him in the ring. The special Superstar told his teacher that he had found a tutor, bringing “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan from the locker room. Apparently the tutoring worked, as Eugene defeated Striker using Hacksaw’s signature three-point stance clothesline. A frustrated Striker attacked Eugene after the match, tossing him into the ring steps. Hacksaw came to break it up and look after Eugene, but he was blindsided by Umaga. The Samoan Bulldozer ran Hacksaw into the ringpost, and after dropping a flying headbutt on Hacksaw, Umaga dropped him with the Samoan spike. Armando Alejandro Estrada then grabbed a microphone and told Duggan that while he may be a hero and a legend, he had just become the latest victim of the Samoan Bulldozer.

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