Five things Brock Lesnar can still conquer

Five things Brock Lesnar can still conquer

Well, Brock Lesnar did it. He beat Triple H at SummerSlam just like he said he would, made him tap just like Paul Heyman promised and, now, just like that, poof. Lesnar’s gone again.

He quit, actually, via a venomous Tout to the WWE Universe, Board of Directors and locker room that was recorded and uploaded on Monday night during Raw, only an hour or so after Heyman’s gloating victory speech to the WWE Universe. In the 15-second manifesto, the self-styled “wrecking machine” claimed he had “nothing left to conquer” within the confines of WWE following his savaging of Triple H at the summer classic, and declared he was leaving the squared circle, never to return.

Well, at the risk of our own physical well-being and the litigious proclivities of Heyman, we politely say: au contraire, dear Brock.

True, Lesnar has racked up innumerable victories during his brief, two-part career, holding the Undisputed Championship, being crowned King of the Ring and emerging victorious in the Royal Rumble Match. There’s admittedly not a whole lot that Lesnar hasn’t accomplished, but we here at racked our brains and thought up a few mountains left for the big man to summit. For example:

Become General Manager

Five things Brock Lesnar can still conquer

This is a task that Heyman has accomplished, but the mad scientist’s mountainous client has yet to get his hubcap-sized paws on either of the cushy General Manager jobs currently occupied by AJ Lee and Booker T. Apart from being able to lord a fair amount of managerial muscle over the likes of Triple H and John Cena, this kind of job would allow Brock to put his devious mind to use by thinking up the most hellacious match combinations that pop into his thoughts. With Heyman whispering in his ear, who knows what the ECW founder could convince Brock to do with his newfound power?

Beat John Cena

Five things Brock Lesnar can still conquer

Point of clarification here: Brock Lesnar has beaten John Cena. The two actually had a fairly contentious rivalry in 2003, with the then–Doctor of Thuganomics dropping inspired science mocking the “Next Big Thing” (Who can forget “Me Brock Lesnar/here comes the pain/God made me strong/forgot to give me brain”?). The animosity built up to a collision at Backlash 2003, in a brutal contest for the WWE Championship that ended with Lesnar coming out on top.

But, as the saying goes, that was then, and this is now. Lesnar has beaten Cena, but he hasn’t beaten JOHN CENA, the dynastic, 10-time WWE Champion who pulled out a last-second win over Lesnar using a chain after sustaining the worst beating of his life at Extreme Rules this past spring ( PHOTOS). The win effectively halted the wrecking machine’s rampage through WWE until Lesnar regained momentum this past week at SummerSlam. A win over Cena at any point earns a Superstar some swag in retrospect, but beating him now, at the peak of his career, would truly be a statement. Lesnar hasn’t done it.

Rematch with the reinvented Rock

Five things Brock Lesnar can still conquer

Speaking of other men Lesnar has defeated, who wouldn’t like to see him lay down a challenge at the feet of the reinvigorated People’s Champion, who re-established himself in the highest of echelons at WrestleMania XXVIII with his “Once in a Lifetime” win over Cena. For those keeping score, that means Rocky has defeated Hulk Hogan, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, and John Cena in the main event of a WrestleMania in addition to conquering Hollywood’s box office.

He hasn’t beaten Brock in the same scenario, though it’s not entirely impossible at this point. With The Great One officially set to challenge for the WWE Title at the 2013 Royal Rumble, there are a few permutations at play here where Lesnar could potentially challenge him for the supreme prize at The Show of Shows in the shadow of New York City. Sounds like a solid incentive to un-retire as far as we’re concerned.

Of course, if that doesn’t happen, there’s only one other WrestleMania-centered option for Brock to consider …

Challenge The Streak

Five things Brock Lesnar can still conquer

As is often the case, Brock Lesnar does own a victory over the opponent in question here, The Undertaker, having beaten him at No Mercy 2003 — within the confines of Hell in a Cell, no less. But facing The Deadman at WrestleMania is a different kind of challenge. Some would say the hardest there is. Given that no one knows where or when The Undertaker will resurface at any given time, we feel the need to stress that this is as big a pipe dream as there is in the world of WWE. But we’re pretty sure Brock would admit: It’s a pretty enticing one.

Win the World Heavyweight Championship

Five things Brock Lesnar can still conquer

Fun fact: Lesnar was only Undisputed WWE Champion for one night before a contractual technicality (Lesnar was only contracted to compete on SmackDown at the time) tore the title asunder and gave birth to the World Heavyweight Championship, which Raw General Manager Eric Bischoff bestowed upon Triple H to defend on the red brand. Needless to say, Lesnar never got a chance to challenge for the new title, busying himself instead with defending the WWE Championship and pursuing various grudge matches against the likes of Big Show and Goldberg.

Fast forward to now and Lesnar has already defeated the man indirectly responsible — in part — for splitting the Undisputed Title in twain. But it’s only poetic that he should want to claim the championship that was born of the separation before he rides off into the sunset once and for all. 

Now that would be a career that could never be matched.

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