No, there is nothing wrong with your TV.
Across the globe, people watching John Morrison's entrance on ECW on Sci Fi have been wondering if their television sets and TiVos have suddenly gone corrupt; another instance of consumer-defiling planned obsolescence, or perhaps a glitch signifying the seizing of universe control by inanimate technology.
Rest assured, you can quit scissor-kicking your set. This recurring "technical difficulty" is actually a well-manufactured effect for the Shaman of Sexy, brought to you by the Shaman of Sexy.
For several weeks, the Tuesday Night Delight has paused mid-swagger on his way to the ring and a sudden slow-motion treatment dazzles the screen, allowing Morrison to stop and let his well-maintained mane flow wildly. (Watch the entrance now)
Swoon? Maybe not, but that's what the WWE Tag Team Champion expects. Like your fellow ECW Die Hards, the highlight of a typical Tuesday night is watching the Shaman of Sexy sashay toward the ring for a display of athletic incredulity -- at least that's what Morrison has somehow come to believe.
"It's only natural that an extraordinarily gifted and good-looking individual like myself have an equally extraordinary entrance," explained the Tuesday Night Delight. "My ring entrance, like me, is one-of-a-kind. Consider it an opportunity for the fans to absorb the radiance of enlightenment."
As if the Shaman of Sexy's previous ooze to the ring wasn't enough, the new "slow-mo" effect shamelessly illuminates the former ECW Champion's severe egotism.
"It's no secret that ECW ratings have been up," he claimed. "My special entrance has clearly attracted gaggles of women to the show. I'm single-handedly pulling in women and Palace of Wisdom denizens by the dozens."
Whether or not this assessment of fans' perspective is accurate, this custom entrance is essentially unprecedented in the Land of the Extreme. From ECW Champion CM Punk to Morrison's faux-hawked partner, The Miz, no other Superstar on the brand has such a tailored passage to the ring. As one might expect, the equally vain chick magnet is none too impressed by the "special treatment."
"John Morrison's entrance is just a small part of the WWE Tag Team Champion package," Miz said, as his brow creased beneath his hat brim. "I dig it, but it's not for me. I have the look, the charisma and the ladies to prove it. The Miz attracts all women, of all ages; I don't need anything more than my body, my six pack and my amazing nipples."
According to his fellow WWE Tag Team Champion, Morrison's enhanced entry element could be the Shaman's way of "making up for something he's lacking." And, the pompous, yet intuitive Matt Striker tends to agree.
"Morrison is a talented Superstar and I respect him, but there are times when you need to decorate things that aren't naturally beautiful by adding accoutrements," Striker quipped. "Take someone like me who is naturally intelligent, naturally good-looking. Take Big Daddy V, someone who is naturally imposing, naturally dominant. We don't need any accessorizing."
He continued, "[Morrison's] good -- don't get me wrong -- but he's not dominant."
Despite the ill reaction from a number of the Tuesday Night Delight's peers, there is at least one man in the Land of the Extreme who genuinely appreciates the slow motion effect.
"I will shock the world when I say that I actually like John Morrison's intro," declared Tommy Dreamer. "The reason I like it is because it is different and in the spirit of the original ECW where we revolutionized the business, at least Morrison's entrance is different. That's what the tone of ECW was set to be."
The unexpected reaction from the ECW Original himself seems to lend some integrity to the Shaman of Sexy's latest embellishment. Whether you love it like Dreamer or hate it like, well, almost everyone else, it has certainly caught the attention of Superstars and fans alike.
A WWE Tag Team titleholder and former ECW Champion, Morrison is unquestionably a top-tier athlete, arguably deserving of a comparably stellar ring introduction. All disdain (or in some cases, jealousy) for Morrison aside, the Tuesday Night Delight boasts one of the most unique ring entrances in sports-entertainment. And any way of looking at that still yields the same result: It's just one more innovation bred within the Land of the Extreme.