Jimmy Wang Yang's redneck guide to Halloween

Giddy-up, SmackDown fans. It's me, Jimmy Wang Yang, and it's my favorite time of year y'all. Halloween ain't just for city folk anymore; now we good ol' boys can celebrate it too. WWE.com asked me to help out my fellow rednecks and write this here handy guide to Halloween. Now, I'm using this intry-net thing for the first time, so please bear with me.

But if you have no teeth, no money and no date for this here holiday, just take a glance at what I have to say below and you're damn near guaranteed a happy Halloween.



No teeth? No problem

What you need:
2 6oz cups caramel yogurt
1 cup apple cider

Directions: Put the yogurt and cider in a blender and mix until smooth.

Note: Don't worry about the complex instructions. Once I had someone help me sound out the big words, this recipe only took me three hours to make!

No money? No problem

What you need:
Horse blanket
2 Rakes

Directions: Tie the horse blanket on so it looks like one of them capes, dip the shovel in manure and smear it all over your body then grab some rakes so it looks like you've got real big hands. Before you leave the house, put on pants.

No date? No problem

What you need:
Cheap beer
A girl
A fancy restaurant

Directions: Chug all the beer yourself, you're gonna need some liquid courage. Next, eat the flowers so you won't have to pay for your own dinner. Bring your girl to the fancy restaurant and tell her she can order anything she wants -- from the children's menu. Finally, drive through to the next window and directly into her heart (not literally). If there aren't any ladies around don't worry, next Halloween I'll teach you how to get sheep drunk!


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