Road Stories: Dude, where's our car?
There was one time when I, the Big Valbowski, Edge and Scotty 2 Hotty were riding [on the road] together. I can't remember the name of the city, but that's really not important. It was back in 2000. I want to say it was the summer of 2000. It was a while ago… and I've never seen Edge get so mad before. It was actually quite hilarious.
Scotty 2 Hotty and I were always joking around; we're always having fun. Edge likes to have fun too, but on a different level. So, Scotty 2 Hotty and I can actually take our fun to higher levels than Edge can.
We just finished doing a live event and it was approximately two in the morning. We were traveling between cities and we pulled into this rest stop because, obviously, we had to go to the restroom. And Edge, at the time, was dating my sister — he was head over heels for her. So when we pulled into this truck stop, everything was closed down. Of course, they still had payphones in there and the restroom was still open, but the McDonald's and the other stores were closed. There was nobody in the main parking lot where the cars were parked. However, at the very back of the parking lot, there were -- lined up, one after another -- big rigs. Eighteen-wheelers. I guess they were parking there and sleeping.
So, we pulled right to the front door and parked the car there. We got out -- remember it's an empty parking lot -- and as soon as Scotty 2 Hotty and I entered the rest stop and turned to go into the restroom, Edge told us, "I'm gonna go to the payphones to call Alana." That's my sister.
We said, "All right, we'll see you in a second."
When he walked to the phones, Scotty 2 Hotty and I looked at each other and started scheming. We decided to hide the car. We jumped in the car and drove it all the way around behind the big rigs and left it there. Then we ran as fast as we could back inside the rest stop doors. We dove into the restroom, did our business, and then we peeked out the door to see when Edge got off the phone. He got off the phone, started walking toward the front doors and as he came by the restroom doors, we opened the doors and walked out like we just finished going to the restroom.
I asked him, "Hey, Edge, how's my sister doing?"
"Oh, she's doing well, man. She's getting ready to go to bed," he said.
Or whatever… blah blah blah. We walked out the front door and we were like, "Dude, where's the car?"
Right out of that movie, right? Like, dude, where's the car? And remember all our gear was in there -- our clothes, Edge had all of his identification in there, his credit cards, his passport and his wrestling clothes. Edge freaked out. "Our car's gone! Where the hell is it? Our car's gone!"
I was like, "Oh man, somebody's got to call the cops."
Of course, Scotty jumped in and said, "Yeah, we've got to call the cops right now."
Edge started flipping out. He said, "All my stuff's in there! This is ridiculous! I want to kill somebody!"
We kept this going on for a couple of minutes and before we were about to call the cops -- and we were holding that off for as long as we could -- Edge was running around the building, seeing if he could see the car. He didn't see it, and then Scotty and I busted out laughing. Of course, Edge turned around and looked at us in a really weird demeanor like, "What the hell?"
In between laughter, we were like, "Dude, the car's behind the big rigs, way over at the end of the parking lot." We thought he would pop [laugh].
We thought he would laugh and say, "Ha, you guys got me. Good rib [joke], good rib." No, that wasn't the case. Edge was pissed. He was hot. He was so pissed -- and I mean Edge is an incredibly good friend of mine -- but he didn't talk to Scotty 2 Hotty and I for a week.
And it didn't end there.
When we finally pulled the car around, Edge was just miserable. He was pissed off that we did that because he figured all of his identification, credit cards, everything was gone. The next morning we got into the hotel and still he hadn't said a word to us. And I knew he was still hot, which was making me kind of hot because he was hot. So we made an agreement: "Let's all meet downstairs at the car at nine in the morning, we'll go to the gym before we head off to the arena."
We all came down into the hotel lobby and we got in the car. I was in the backseat. Scotty 2 Hotty was driving; Edge was sitting beside him in the front seat.
I said, "Hey, good morning Scotty."
Of course, Edge wasn't saying anything. As soon as Scotty 2 Hotty turned the car on, Edge said, "Ohhh, beep. I think I lost my sunglasses."
He was already pissed because of the previous night and now he was even more pissed because he lost his sunglasses. I hadn't said a word to him since [the car joke went terribly wrong], so I just figured I'd stir stuff up.
And I leaned up and I said, "Edge, do you know where you lost them?"
And that's a stupid question to ask when you lose sunglasses. He turned around and burned a hole right through me; he was ready to kill me.
So that's my story about Edge not being able to take a rib. He can take ribs a lot better now, actually. Since then, we've joked around a few more times with each other, back and forth. We're good friends, so we always joke around, but that was a classic because that was the first time I ribbed him in kind of a mean-spirited way.
Actually there's another story when we were first invited to the training camp for WWE. We were driving in a minivan together going back and forth from the motel to the training camp and then going to restaurants, doing whatever we needed to do. And Edge is a big fan of music. If I need to know the name of a song I'll always go to Edge because I know he'll know -- not just who sings it. If I say, "Hey, who's the name of that person that sings that song, all I want is the name." He'll give me the name of the singer, the drummer, the guitarist, all of their parents' names, what high school they went to, what preschool they went to and where they were born. He gives me the whole biography of whoever it is I'm asking about.
So, he knows everything there is to know about music, and he's hardcore into music. He likes to sit in the front seat so he can control the radio. What he didn't realize was that there were also radio controls in the backseat. So he was flipping through rock stations and he found a song he likes. I was in the backseat and I just leaned down and pushed the button in the backseat that controls the radio and changed the channels. And Edge kind of looked at the radio like, "What the hell?"
He said, "I didn't scan anything. There is no scan button on here."
And he clicked it back to the station and I changed it again. He said, "OK I think there's something wrong here, man. I think there's something wrong with this radio."
He got mad because he wanted to listen to the song. So, he turned it back again. I left it there for a few seconds. Then I changed it again.
"This radio's haunted!" he screamed.
It got to the point where he actually believed the radio was haunted and he was like, "I'm telling you! Watch this! Watch!" he said, pointing wildly at the radio, staring at it, waiting for it to change.
He changed it back to his rock station, and this time I didn't change it.
Then he said, "Watch, it'll change. It'll change."
He was staring, watching, and it wasn't changing. He said, "It changed! This radio changed; now it's not changing; that's ridiculous!"
So, anyway, he forgot about it, and I changed it again. He said, "See! See, it changed!"
So he flipped out again, claiming that the radio was possessed. Finally, he put it together that I was the one behind the haunted radio. He enjoyed that rib, but he did not like the rib Scotty 2 Hotty and I pulled on him with hiding the car and all his gear and ID and passport in it. I think it scared him a little bit.