Catching up with Coachman

On Thursday morning, received a call to send some reporters to meet Jonathan Coachman for an impromptu press conference. Brett Hoffman and Louie Dee were just two of the multitude of reporters from various media outlets sent to cover this event. During the 30-minute conference, Mr. McMahon’s Executive Assistant discussed a number of topics; here now is a transcript of’s participation in the conference:

Louie Dee: You’ve been in the role of Mr. McMahon’s Executive Assistant for a few weeks now. Outside of what we’ve seen on RAW, what exactly are some of your day-to-day responsibilities?

Jonathan Coachman: Running a billion-dollar international company obviously takes a lot of people. A lot of my job is to make sure things are running smoothly in all facets of the company. Whether it’s in the publications department, marketing, business deals, you name it; there are a lot of tasks that Mr. McMahon simply doesn’t have the time or desire to follow through on. That’s where I come in. And besides what I do on RAW, I also dabble into the SmackDown brand as well as international affairs.

Brett Hoffman: How are you taking to the new role?

Coachman: Obviously, I enjoy it. I’m the kind of guy that can get things done. I’ve done everything asked of me, and I’ve been a company man for seven years. People know who I am, and I’m not the kind of guy to be passive about things. After all I’ve done in front of the cameras it was natural that I would move up into an executive position like this.

Hoffman: So on top of that, I have a two-part question; first, what do you think made Mr. McMahon choose you, and secondly, do you feel like you were the best man for the job or do you think you were a convenient choice?

Coachman: That might be the stupidest question I’ve ever been asked in my entire career, and quite honestly you might never interview me again after that. I told you, Mr. McMahon knows that I’m a company man and will do what it takes to help him keep WWE at number one. He can’t do it by himself, and I can’t either, but I will keep things running smoothly. As for being the best man for the job…of course, I’m Jonathan Coachman. So to answer your stupid question: yes.

Dee: You were left in charge of RAW two weeks ago and it led to some disastrous results. Have you felt any negative backlash about what happened from Mr. McMahon?

Coachman: Well he certainly wasn’t happy about the whole situation, but what can you do? It was something that was handed to me at the last minute; I thought I was ready to handle it, and on that night I obviously wasn’t. People are going to have bad nights, and that just happened to be one for me. Rest assured DX will be taken care of when all is said and done.

Hoffman: How are you feeling physically after DX put you through the wall on RAW?

Coachman: It was a hard wall. I was afraid that maybe they had done some damage to my neck and spine, but I went to the doctor and everything checked out okay. Sure, I’m a little sore, and I have a bump on the top of my head, but otherwise I’m okay. Although, it took me a week and a half to get the paint off of my derriere. It was a permanent paint, and I actually had to go to a car wash and use the high-pressure hoses to get rid of it. I just got the last of it off yesterday.  

Dee: After having seen what happened this past week at Vengeance and on RAW, what do you think Mr. McMahon’s battle plan will be to combat DX? Will it be altered at all from any original plans?

Coachman: To be honest, I don’t know. Unfortunately, I was taking care of some other business on Monday for Mr. McMahon so I wasn’t able to be at RAW. I do know that I’m not doing anything this weekend because I have meetings with Mr. McMahon planned, and I’m sure a strategy will be ironed out. Even if I knew right now, I couldn’t tell you. I’ll give DX credit, they’re smart guys; if you give them time to prepare for what’s coming at them, you might as well change your whole plan.

Hoffman: So, this may be another stupid question, but is there any doubt in your mind that you will end DX eventually?

Coachman: You’re absolutely right, that was a stupid question, and the answer is of course not. All the other talent is fine; DX, on the other hand, they need to be stopped and are priority number one. Are they smart? Yes. Are their antics mildly amusing? Maybe. Are they what the fans want right now? Of course. Everyone seems to love DX, and hey, I was once a guy that liked to have fun and be crazy. But there comes a point where you have to mature and stop doing things like they do. It’s definitely not funny when you’re on the butt end of their shenanigans, that’s for sure. But rest assured, Triple H and Shawn Michaels will be stopped. Mr. McMahon always gets what he wants, and I know he wants DX eliminated. I have time for one last question, make it good.

Dee: Given the situation, are you haunted at all by DX?

Coachman: I thought I said make it good? I’ll be honest; I’ve had a couple nightmares about things lately. But that doesn’t mean they haunt me, or that we’re afraid of them in any way, shape or form. D-Generation X will be taken care of, period, end of story. This interview is over.

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