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Noble's novel nightmare
Jamie Noble must feel like Gulliver these days.
If you're unfamiliar with Gulliver's Travels, here's a quick synopsis: It's an 18th-century Jonathan Swift novel about an explorer named Gulliver. In Part I, the title character shipwrecks in Lilliput, a land inhabited by a race of people who are six inches tall; in Part II, however, he is abandoned in Brobdingnag where the natives are more than 70 feet tall.
Now let's do some substitution with Noble as the titular explorer. Mere months ago, it was Hornswoggle -- who's slightly taller than the Lilliputians, but twice as feisty -- embarrassing Noble left and right. Now, thanks to Acting SmackDown General Manager Vickie Guerrero, Noble's last few weeks have been more like Act II, with matches against The Great Khali, Batista and Undertaker -- all men who would probably scare the Brobdingnagians, let alone a cruiserweight.
Right about now, it's understandable that Noble might wish he could move on to Parts III and IV -- where Gulliver becomes a recluse -- just to avoid another giant. However, instead of being mad per se, Noble seems to think that the reason behind the GM's torture could be the plot for an entirely different kind of novel.
"It's called tough love, and the problem is that she has a sweetheart crush on me," Noble revealed. "She's got a thing for me, and this is the only way she knows how to express herself: By trying to kill me."
An interesting theory for sure, but why would Vickie put someone she supposedly "loves" into immediate battle against three of WWE's largest Superstars? Seems like a lose-lose proposition, right? Not necessarily, says Noble.
"I don't have a problem wrestling Undertaker, Batista or The Great Khali," he explained, "but when you're a game, professional performer like myself, you need proper time to prepare and strategize; I need time to study some game film, find a weakness and figure out how to exploit it."
Several WWE Superstars have found that even with proper preparation time, taking on men like the aforementioned trio isn't exactly easy. Given the string of victories he had before all this trouble started -- over Superstars such as Shannon Moore and Jimmy Wang Yang -- perhaps Noble would rather be put in there with someone a little closer to his size… say, like a Rey Mysterio?
"I'll wrestle anybody, but when I get put in matches that happen right away, it's a problem," Noble sneered. "But Vickie's drunk in love with me, and since she has no sense in how to court a man, this is her way of showing it."
Noble might want to watch what he says, because there are still plenty of unmentioned giants roaming on Friday nights, especially with ECW and SmackDown now working together.
Unfortunately for him, now that the "secret" is out, poor Jamie may have already said too much.