Addressing a rivalry

Page 1 of 1
September 14, 2006

After threatening SmackDown General Manager Theodore Long with a sexual harassment case, Sir William Regal has decided to drop all charges and take on Vito this week.

Two weeks ago, recently knighted Regal found himself in a dark place: between Vito's dress and his thong. He managed to escape, getting counted out of the ring, but then claimed sexual harassment when he and Vito were slated for a rematch on Sept. 8. He faced Lashley instead, who left Regal staring at the Columbus Civic Center lights after a spear, but even that had to be a better sight than Vito's "ghastly undercarriage."

"I was shocked the first week. I was embarrassed the second week," Regal admitted. "I am the world's greatest Englishman. I am one of the people that make Great Britain great. Having a few days to think about it, there is no way I'm going to let anything at all, especially a man wearing a dress, take a liberty with me."

Looking back on Regal's past, however, this isn't the first time Sir William Regal has been bested by a man in a dress.

"I woke up once in Hamburg with a Brazilian transvestite who still never calls, never writes to me. Just abused me and off to his wicked way in the night," he said. "I've lived down the guilt and the shame. I'm not going to let it happen again."

Perhaps this rivalry with Vito is really not a battle between two Superstars after all. This could just be a stage in an internal battle within William Regal and his complex relationship with female attire that goes beyond the realms of sports-entertainment.

"Look at us English through the centuries," Regal argued. "We battled men in skirts for years. Look at the Scots and what we used to do to them. We'd take their children for slaves and rape their women at will. I honestly am shocked that I even let myself get befuddled by this in the first place."

This week, Sir William Regal decided to be a man and allow his rivalry with Vito to come to a head. He retracted his threat to Theodore Long and accepted a rematch with the man JBL callously predicts to be the future Mrs. Michael Cole.

"You never know what to expect, but the only thing I do expect is a tough, tough match-up," Vito said prior to the match. "Hopefully a victory over Regal will lift me up in the ranks and keep me going on the straight and narrow to the top."

He insisted that the path is in fact straight and narrow.

"I am as straight as they come. I love women. As a matter of fact, since I started doing this, I've been getting more dates than I've ever had before." Vito added, "William Regal's one of the toughest competitors here in the WWE and me and him have had a little tussle the last few weeks. A lot of people don't like my attire as far as dresses and he is a gentleman's gentleman. So I guess it comes across the wrong way for him."

But is it Vito's fault that Regal's unrequited love for a transvestite in the night may be the source of this so-called tussle? Perhaps Vito is just in the wrong dress at the wrong time.

Either way, "Vito's coming. Toughest man to ever wear a dress," Vito said, adding, "There's nothing more embarrassing than getting beat up by a guy wearing a dress."

Now that Regal has calmed down and pushed his sexual harassment suit to the side, he is primed to take control like the English did the Scots.

"I'm a villain through and through," Regal admitted. "An absolute dirty, rotten, filthy, miserable scoundrel. I know what I am. I don't pretend to myself. I was born naughty and very proud I am of it."

Dirty, rotten, filthy and miserable, sure. Who will argue with that? But does he have what it takes to beat the toughest man to wear a dress? Only two things are for certain so far. One, Vito has clearly had a psychological advantage over the knight. And two, if you plan on letting Regal take you on a date sometime, it's probably best to stick to jeans.

Can Regal put Vito in his place or will Vito slip the dress over the Englishman? Find out tonight at 8/7 CT on UPN.

View Comments

ArticlesYou May Also Like