An 'eternal' question
He's the United States Champion, and the recipient of the richest contract in SmackDown history. If you believe his hype, he's half-man, half-amazing. And if you ask him, Montel Vontavious Porter will tell you something else: that he's better than you.
Sure, the title and the contract give MVP some backup for his claim. Just look at the legendary list of former United States Champions, and you can see that holding the prestigious title puts you in good company. In the world of sports, you have to bring the goods in order to rake in the dough.
But how valid would his claim be if say, this Sunday at The Great American Bash, he suffered a cruel Twist of Fate and lost the United States Championship to Matt Hardy?
"What kind of stupid question is that?" MVP sneered. "What you WWE.com clowns should be asking is how Montel Vontavious Porter plans to celebrate after defeating Matt Hardy at The Great American Bash."
After a moment's consultation and a meek assurance to the champion that the question was strictly hypothetical, WWE.com finally got an answer out of him.
"Fate? Please. I've been told all my life that God looks out for babies and damn fools; I ain't no baby, and I sure as hell ain't no damn fool," the smug champion replied. "I don't tempt fate, I don't deal with fate. I dictate my own fate."
Is mastering his own destiny what makes Montel Vontavious Porter think he's better than everyone? And if not, what is it exactly that lends credence to his claim?
"Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet? Why do zebras have stripes?" MVP cockily asked. "It's an eternal question that will be asked thousands of years from now. ‘Why was MVP so much better than everyone else?' Well, I don't have an answer. I really couldn't tell you why; I just am."
We had no answer for that particular question either, though we started to explain that there is a reason why the sky is blue. MVP hastily cut us off.
"Listen, I'm the best, so deal with it. People are comin' up to me and wishin' me luck at The Bash, but I don't need luck. When it comes to me, there is no luck; I have talent and skill, more than you will ever have at anything."
Again tempting the same fate that MVP dictates to, WWE.com reminds the U.S. Champion of what former Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura used to say about the Honky Tonk Man: Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good.
"You're right about that, because you're lucky that MVP is even talking to you right now," he snidely countered. "Matt Hardy too; maybe he can twist fate, but against me at The Bash, he better twist his fingers and hope for some luck."
If MVP truly is better than everyone, then the prediction he made before walking away from us isn't a stretch at all.
"I was in Times Square last week promoting SummerSlam, and I thought to myself, ‘How fitting it is that SummerSlam is in New Jersey, right outside New York City'," MVP began. "And then I thought, ‘Well, the only other place that could handle a party like that is South Beach, which is my hometown.' Now, SummerSlam is The Biggest Party of the Summer, so how could it happen without the biggest partier in the business being there to celebrate?"
SmackDown's Franchise Playa stopped there, apparently expecting an answer. After a moment of silence, the champion shook his head and finished his thought.
"It can't, that's the answer," he chided. "I will be there with the United States Title, because my fate will not be twisted."
MVP can talk the talk, and right now, he's walking the walk as the United States Champion. The hip-hop savvy Mr. Porter probably isn't a Bob Dylan fan, but there's a popular Dylan song called "Simple Twist of Fate" with lyrics such as "he felt an emptiness inside to which he just could not relate/brought on by a simple twist of fate."
If Montel Vontavious Porter doesn't back up his words this Sunday, it will be his waist that feels that emptiness. But knowing MVP, there's a Nelly song lyric he'd tell you better describes him: "I am number one, no matter if you like it."
Yeah, that's definitely much more his style.