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Seven jobs for a 7-footer
Big Show may be second-guessing his decision to mock the voice of Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and General Manager of Raw and SmackDown John Laurinaitis. Because of his actions, The World’s Largest Athlete finds himself at odds with both Laurinaitis and his calculating Executive Administrator, Eve.
On SmackDown, “Mr. Excitement” implied that Big Show's job in WWE will be on the line if the apology he demanded from the giant for this Monday’s Raw SuperShow isn't up to snuff. A WWE contract termination could be particularly devastating for Big Show, if you believe Eve. She stated on Raw, “Outside of WWE there really isn’t a big need for a 7-foot tall, 441-pound, 40-year-old freak.”
Luckily for Big Show, WWE.com has answered the challenge. Here are seven helpful suggestions of possible new lines of work for the The World's Largest Athlete.
Spokesman for big and tall clothing stores
Whether he’s wearing a singlet in the squared circle or a suit at the American Country Music Awards, Big Show is a plus-sized man who knows style and comfort. What better occupation is there for everyone's favorite giant than helping other large men find clothes that are both flattering and functional for any budget? Big Show would excel at this job. I guarantee it.
The danger of hiring a 7-foot tall, 441-pound bouncer for a nightclub or other similar establishment is not that there would be any issues making people leave; the risk would be that no one would want to enter. Big Show’s size, strength and wide array of punishing moves would make even the most reckless party crasher think twice.
Big Show gave the best pound-for-pound boxer in the world all he could handle in a No Disqualification Match at WrestleMania XXIV. In fact, Floyd “Money” Mayweather needed help from his posse, numerous chair shots and, finally, brass knuckles to finally put The World’s Largest Athlete down. If Big Show dedicated himself to the sweet science and fought opponents who actually competed within the established Queensbury rules, he could be a new Super Heavyweight contender. After all, he's practually turned pro already anyway ... if you count Knucklehead, that is.
Big Show’s towering height and massive strength would make him a natural lifeguard. With the ability to walk to depths others cannot – much like the Statue of Liberty in the film Ghostbusters II – Big Show could easily lift imperiled individuals out of the water and safely walk them to shore.
James Bond villain's henchman
When Eve stated, “Outside of WWE there really isn’t a big need for a 7-foot tall, 441-pound, 40-year-old freak,” she revealed herself to not be much of a James Bond fan. As long as 007 takes on villains, those villains are going to need super-sized henchmen. With years of experience battling the best and the baddest in WWE, Big Show is perfectly suited to play a massive, mono-syllabic second-in-command in the next blockbuster James Bond movie. "The name's Show ... Big Show."
If you want an expert on nuclear energy, it's probably a good idea to start with the Superstar whose right hand is a Weapon of Mass Destruction. Wielding the W.M.D. in WWE for years, Big Show is singularly qualified to work on the forefront of nuclear research with the brightest scientific minds our country has to offer.
Whether it's the ring at WWE Vengeance 2011, or an unsuspecting AJ standing ringside during a match, Big Show has a tendency to cause destruction to whatever is around him. Instead of controlling or denying this incredible natural talent, The World's Largest Athlete could make big bucks in building removal and demolitions.
Hopefully, it won't come to this. The WWE Universe wants to see Big Show in the squared circle, and Big Show wants to continue working for WWE. However, it all comes down to his apology to John Laurinaitis this Monday on Raw SuperShow. What will The World's Largest Athlete have to say to "Big Johnny"?