Tiny talk: Mr. McMahon on Hornswoggle

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September 13, 2007

Upon learning that Hornswoggle is his illegitimate son last Monday night on Raw, Mr. McMahon was stunned into silence, unable to utter a single arrogant syllable. Having now digested the, ahem, little revelation for a few days, the Chairman agreed to a sit-down with WWE.com to address questions regarding the latest addition to the McMahon clan.

WWE.com
First off, congratulations on finally learning the identity of your illegitimate son.
 
Mr. McMahon
I don't think congratulations are in order. 
 
WWE.com
Right, well, sir, what were you thinking when you found out that Hornswoggle was your illegitimate son? You seemed a little stunned.
 
Mr. McMahon
Look at me. Do I look like I would be the father of that, that runt? Are you going to sit here in my office and tell me that you think that midget or dwarf, or leprechaun or whatever the hell he is sprang from these loins?
 
WWE.com
You sound almost disappointed that it turned out Hornswoggle is your son.
 
Mr. McMahon
Gee, you think? Of course I'm disappointed! My son could have been a great champion, a powerhouse that could carry on my legacy, like The Great Khali or Randy Orton. Instead, I've got a munchkin screaming his lungs out and wrapping his stubby, little fingers around my leg. Oh, but no, I'm not disappointed at all.
 
WWE.com
Moving right along, do you plan to nurture a relationship between the two of you after all these years apart?
 
Mr. McMahon
I plan to nurture his relationship with my attorney. I'm going to sue this so-called mystery woman and her lawyer for defamation of character, mental anguish and anything else I can come up with.
 
WWE.com
Well, when you're done suing people and the smoke finally clears, will a traditional father-son relationship start to form? After all, he is your son.
 
Mr. McMahon
How many times are you going to ask me the same question? Let's put it this way -- I don't plan on getting a highchair for my dining room table, nor do I plan on explaining the birds and the bees to him.
 
WWE.com
So we know what you won't be doing with him. Why don't you tell us what you will be doing with him?
 
Mr. McMahon
You wanna know what I will be doing with him? You really wanna know? I'll tell you -- I'm going to put him up for adoption. I can do that, right? After all, I am the boy's father.
 
WWE.com
Um, we're not sure he's eligible for that, sir. He seems a little too old.
 
Mr. McMahon
Ok, then wise guy. You tell me. What should I do with the little creep?

WWE.com
Well, a recent WWE.com poll suggests you should give him full control of Raw. Does that sound like a good idea?
 
Mr. McMahon
Oh, sure. Why don't I just give him SmackDown and ECW, too? That's insane! I already have two legitimate children trying to get their greedy little hands on my empire. They've been kissing my ass since they popped out of the womb. And now our fans think Hornswoggle should jump in front of Shane and Stephanie? I don't think so. He better get a stepstool, ‘cuz he's got a lot of catching up to do as it relates to kissing my ass.
 
WWE.com
One final question, sir…
 
Mr. McMahon
No. No more questions. You've already wasted enough of my time.

Check out Hornswoggle's t-shirt at WWEShop...

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