Extreme makeover: Leprechaun edition
Hornswoggle McMahon—the name certainly has a regal enough ring to it. But before the Little Bastard receives that coveted invitation to Thanksgiving dinner at the Chairman's mansion, he may need to transform himself from dirty, mischievous scamp to trusted, reputable progeny. Herewith, a few suggestions from WWE.com to Hornswoggle for getting in good with dear ol' dad:
Get in touch with "Hornyswoggle"
Being a true son of Mr. McMahon means understanding your hyper libido. After all, it was the Chairman's "overactive grapefruits" that led to the birth of his illegitimate son in the first place. Armed with the knowledge of his paternity, Hornswoggle should begin to nurture the lusty leprechaun inside and discover his own "overactive tangerines," if you will. Have a talk with "Genetic Jackhammer" dad. Maybe the Chairman can bring out the "Hornyswoggle" in Hornswoggle.
Upgrade the wardrobe
To be a true McMahon, you have to look the part of a billionaire's heir. So, say so long to the leprechaun look. Gone are the days of the grungy green blazer and puffy shirt. Say hello to pinstripes and power ties. Which begs the question, do they make custom-tailored executive suits at Baby Gap?
From under the ring to the top rope
Now that you've become an heir to a family fortune, Hornswoggle, it's time to move on up from that eerie home under the ring to a deluxe apartment in the sky. With your newfound wealth, feel free to furnish your new abode with timeless works of art and the finest step ladders money can buy.
Blondes don't always have more fun
Also, Hornswoggle, about that blonde hair—dye already. Mr. McMahon visits a trusted stylist in New York City to groom his thick, authoritative mane (Your dad and JBL share the same barber; you may also want to get tips from both on investing). You'll want to consult this Scissor Slinger to achieve an equally distinguished head of dark locks. Oh, and while you're at it, lose the patchy, Jack Sparrow beard. Your dear old dad has always been clean-shaven. Why not emulate the man you look up to (literally)?
Walk like a McMahon
And finally, you need to walk like a McMahon. To replicate the Chairman's arm-flapping, macho strut, a team of experts have determined the permanent insertion of a rectal thermometer may be necessary. Sorry, Hornswoggle, but no one ever said becoming a McMahon wouldn't be a pain in the arse.