The lowdown on 'up'

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September 06, 2007

Just what in the hell does "Things are looking up" mean?

As Mr. McMahon and all of sports-entertainment anxiously wait to find out which WWE Superstar is his illegitimate child, he and our fans must mull the one clue the bastard's mother has provided. We know the love child Superstar is a male. And despite his claims otherwise, we know it's not Mr. Kennedy since, according to a lawyer for the child's mother, DNA tests have ruled him out.

So, what's up with "Things are looking up"? Maybe "up" means that the Chairman's son is exceptionally tall, like the 7-foot Big Red Monster, Kane, a behemoth like the 6-foot-9 inch, 485-pound Big Daddy V, or a giant, like The Great Khali. Perhaps things are looking up for Mr. McMahon's stock portfolio, and his long-lost son is JBL. (After all, he is a self-made millionaire and stock expert.)

Could up mean that Mr. McMahon's son has a bright future and is considered a future World Champion, like MVP or Matt Hardy or Kenny Dykstra? Or perhaps up means "look up in the sky" for an aerial artist, like Jeff Hardy, Rey Mysterio or Paul London & Brian Kendrick.

Or maybe things are looking up below Mr. McMahon's belt, if you know what I mean. Maybe his illegitimate son has a libido and sexual appetite that rivals the Chairman. Helllooo, Daddy! Could someone like Val Venis add another "V" to the McMahon clan?

No matter what, all questions will be answered -- hopefully -- next Monday on Raw. Be sure to catch Raw at 9/8 CT on USA Network.

Who do you think it is? Vote now!

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