J.R.'s Superstar of the Week - Edge

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June 29, 2006

“…and the skies opened up and it rained down upon thee, thy richest man in sports-entertainment a brown, chunk-filled storm unlike any we had ever experienced…. that was filled with rich, Kansas corn and other partially digested delights the likes no one, even the old timers, had ever seen before”…..by the unknown prophet.
 
(And for the record Lawler laughed more than the BBQ loving, black hat wearing Okie at the King’s side.)
 
Indeed for DX, payback will be hell, and no one knows if it will be slow and painful or quick and sudden for the dynamic duo. Who will be enlisted to become a McMahon-fueled militia to carry out the charge to the Chairman in retaliation for the utter humiliation and total embarrassment on the WWE’s flagship broadcast seen worldwide?  
 
It was quite the interesting Monday Night RAW. I think I can safely say this ain’t your granddaddy’s ‘rasslin show any longer and it hasn’t been for a while now. But as Harvey Fierstein once said, “Is that so wrong?!”
 
So who is the superstar of the week from RAW? Be patient, we’re getting there.
 
Mickie James’ impressive victory over a rusty Trish Stratus put “Psycho Girl” in the hunt. Just thinking out loud, but if Mickie was as obsessed with Danica Patrick as Mickie once was with Trish don’t you think Mickie would give new meaning to the term “road rage”?  Honorable mention this week goes to the Women’s Champion.
 
New Intercontinental Champion Johnny Nitro’s fur coat, nice wardrobe selection by the way, in JUNE, was in consideration, but we established last week no inanimate objects could win this prestigious award.  Rumors say Nitro has a little PETA problem.
 
Umaga’s destruction of some of the WWE’s most timeless characters, i.e. Doink, Kim Chee and Kamala over a 24 hour period has to mean something. Doesn’t it?
 
Ric Flair’s statement directed to Mick Foley was impassioned. I loved it. I smell money. (“I see bloody people.”)
 
The Lilian Garcia/Big Vis/Charlie Haas “Love Triangle” is intriguing. Perhaps Lilian should have a child named Shiloh and we can put all three of the involved parties on the Maury Povich Show and do the DNA test thing and find out “who’s my baby’s daddy?!” 
 
The DX spoof of the McMahon men folk was laugh out loud funny. For the record, I’m certainly not speaking on a personal level as I choose to stay on RAW for at least another few weeks until I am eligible for the gold watch and customary going away dinner at the Cracker Barrel.  I know this; I will never eat another Baby Ruth for as long as I live. O.K. maybe I will just take a sabbatical from them for a few days but there was some “stank” in the air in Fayette-nam on Monday night. Seeing all that corn mixed in with the obvious other elements was worse than Granny’s “sour belches”. 
 
The Imposter Kane got kicked to the curb, or actually out the back door, but for some reason I don’t think we have seen the last him. Just warning you.
 
Randy Orton had a fine Vengeance and RAW, but his leering at Hulk’s daughter disqualified young, master Orton.  Will Orton never learn? Doesn’t Randall watch VH 1’s Hogan Knows Best like the rest of us?
 
Cena and RVD beat the living hell out of each other just locking up. The rest of their spirited WWE Championship match was excellent from where I was sitting. It was damn sure physical and unorthodox. Not that there is anything wrong with that, AND not one red card!
 
Which brings us to this week’s winner of the RAW wrestler, oops, sorry, Superstar of the Week ………the young man from Ontario formerly known as Adam Copeland, or so it says in his book, the Rated R Superstar, EDGE!  Why you ask? How could this be J.R. since Edge did not have a match on RAW? First of all, it’s my award, and I will give to whomever I damn well please, and I say that Edge’s impact on RAW verbally and physically created two of the most memorable moments on the entire broadcast. Plus he encouraged the lovely Lita to select that top she almost wore. So there you have it sports fans, the bitter young man who feels like he should be WWE Champ is our Superstar of the Week and apparently Edge and Lita will be receiving lovely parting gifts because it certainly appeared Edge is contemplating leaving RAW. Or is he? Stay tuned.
 
In the mean time eat more “Q”.
 
BOOMER SOONER!

J.R.

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