Coachman in command of Raw

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June 19, 2007

RICHMOND, Va. -- In Raw's first broadcast without Mr. McMahon as its Chairman, it has become increasingly clear that the show will go on. It has also become clear that the Jonathan Coachman regime, for the time being, has heavily based its policies on the work of its predecessor.

In his inaugural night as Raw's provisional boss, Coachman carried on the tradition set forth by Mr. McMahon, by being just as ruthless in command as the man who mentored him.

"Mr. McMahon's vision of where he wanted WWE to go will not cease under my watch," proclaimed Coachman, holding back his emotions. "Just as I did when I was his Executive Assistant, I will continue to carry out his wishes."

Coachman's first initiative for the night was to create a blockbuster main event that teamed WWE Champion John Cena and ex-ECW Superstar Bobby Lashley against ex-SmackDown Superstar King Booker and Randy Orton. Then, he decreed Mick Foley to dust off his ring boots to go one-on-one with the savage 400-pound bruiser, Umaga, as punishment for the slander Foley wrote about Mr. McMahon in his most recent best-selling book, The Hardcore Diaries.

This was the first time in Coachman's career that he took charge of Raw without having Mr. McMahon readily available for consultation. Although he seemingly did complete the job with little hesitation while the cameras rolled, in the locker room area after the show, he was much more humbled by the absence of his guide.

"Mr. McMahon was like a revered general," Coachman said, gazing toward the sky. "He demanded respect, and he should, and will, continue to be praised for his contributions to sports-entertainment. What he's done for me and this company won't ever be forgotten."

Whatever final resting place Mr. McMahon has found following the dreadful limo explosion that allegedly lead to his demise, one must believe that his devious smile is beaming down upon the WWE ring as his apprentice continues to rule WWE with a McMahon-like fist. 

"I'm out to do Mr. McMahon proud," said Coachman. "I'm grateful the McMahon family gave me this opportunity, and I only hope I can do justice to the McMahon name and the WWE empire in my tenure -- no matter how long or short my term is."

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